Invited neighbor friends over

[Anonymous]

DCUM is so confusing.
On the one hand you bash someone who expects guests to wear actual clothes, not pajamas, as "judgmental". On the other hand you all never stop gushing over how much better other countries are, especially your beloved Europe. Do you not think Europeans would be insulted by someone wearing sweats as an invited guest in their house? They would of course expect clean, fitted clothing. Are they judgmental as well? A functioning society has standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Americans are simply slobs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Americans are simply slobs.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so confusing.
On the one hand you bash someone who expects guests to wear actual clothes, not pajamas, as "judgmental". On the other hand you all never stop gushing over how much better other countries are, especially your beloved Europe. Do you not think Europeans would be insulted by someone wearing sweats as an invited guest in their house? They would of course expect clean, fitted clothing. Are they judgmental as well? A functioning society has standards.

I'm european.
- there is not such thing as 'european'. Different countries within europe have different societal expectations. Romania vs belgium? V different.
- If there is any commonality as it pertains to this stuff, it's that they generally all think that Americans have no manners and are overall lacking in class. Class to europeans is less about what clothes you wear than your curiosity, understanding of the world around you, appreciation of good food, wine, health etc. Those are standards in which america is sorely lacking and which are overall more important to a functioning society than what type of pants you have on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so confusing.
On the one hand you bash someone who expects guests to wear actual clothes, not pajamas, as "judgmental". On the other hand you all never stop gushing over how much better other countries are, especially your beloved Europe. Do you not think Europeans would be insulted by someone wearing sweats as an invited guest in their house? They would of course expect clean, fitted clothing. Are they judgmental as well? A functioning society has standards.

I'm european.
- there is not such thing as 'european'. Different countries within europe have different societal expectations. Romania vs belgium? V different.
- If there is any commonality as it pertains to this stuff, it's that they generally all think that Americans have no manners and are overall lacking in class. Class to europeans is less about what clothes you wear than your curiosity, understanding of the world around you, appreciation of good food, wine, health etc. Those are standards in which america is sorely lacking and which are overall more important to a functioning society than what type of pants you have on.

this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a dress down family. I wear athleisure and Dh often wears joggers. If a neighbor invited me over for dinner, I would not think to dress up.

We just like to be comfortable. Our friends also come to our house comfortably.

I just went to a friend’s house in a t shirt and sweats. For a second, I thought OP was talking about us. But then her Dh is we also wearing sweats. They are very wealthy if it matters.

Wealth and proper social behavior have nothing to do with each other. I know plenty of people with a ton of money who have no idea how to dress or act appropriately.

Pp here. I used to dress up all the time. I changed when I had kids. We do have friends who dress well all the time.

If we are going to a friend’s house with kids with our kids, I don’t think it will be a formal dinner and we dress comfortably.

Our country club has a dress code. We dress accordingly. If we attend a function for my kids’ private school or work, we dress properly. Go to a neighbor’s house for dinner? I would go comfortably.

I just had this conversation with a friend who is very wealthy and lives in the same neighborhood. Houses are in the $5m range so not poor people. There are some women who are dressed up all the time. That just seems tiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a real horse in this race but I’m struck by the sneering tone so many people here are using at being invited to a neighbor’s house for dinner. No, it’s not tea with the queen, but if someone graciously opens up their home to you and shows hospitality, that’s not nothing. So many people complain about being lonely, but then when someone makes an effort to reach out, it’s met with so little appreciation. Maybe people should stay home if going to someone’s house for dinner is such a chore that they can’t drag themselves out of whatever they were already wearing that day.

right but i do think most people probably DON'T really want to go to their neighbor's house for dinner. If they're not a good enough friend that you can wear what you want, then it is a chore. What is fun about going to someone's house for dinner who is not your friend? Presumably if they are sweatpants ppl and OP is judgy, curtain twitching, too much free time and thus writing this post type, they probably dont actually especially like op and have noticed this. And just went to be polite. If they found out that op didn't like them and wont have them back, I can't imagine they'd care. was an obligation yes. dont ever assume you are doing someone a favor by asking them over for dinner.

If you don't want to go to your neighbor's house, then use your words and decline. Don't go while silently conveying your disdain by wearing any old thing you found on the floor of your closet. Don't assume YOU are doing them the favor by going.

Your post encapsulates everything awful about the DC area--cold, passive-aggressive, unfriendly, and ungracious.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't know many adult women who wear sweatpants out of the house, and certainly not to any social event. So just an FYI--if you are invited to someone's home for dinner in NYC, do not wear sweatpants. You will stand out, and not in a good way.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. It depends what the invite was like if it was. Hey Sally, do you and Jim want to stop over later this evening?..... Yeah, I may come over wearing yoga pants and something comfy because that's what I typically wear in the evenings..

If you asked if we wanted to come over for dinner then I would likely dress much nicer and nice jeans and a blouse.

If you asked if we just wanted to hang and watch a football game. Yeah I'm coming over and yoga pants and a jersey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a real horse in this race but I’m struck by the sneering tone so many people here are using at being invited to a neighbor’s house for dinner. No, it’s not tea with the queen, but if someone graciously opens up their home to you and shows hospitality, that’s not nothing. So many people complain about being lonely, but then when someone makes an effort to reach out, it’s met with so little appreciation. Maybe people should stay home if going to someone’s house for dinner is such a chore that they can’t drag themselves out of whatever they were already wearing that day.

right but i do think most people probably DON'T really want to go to their neighbor's house for dinner. If they're not a good enough friend that you can wear what you want, then it is a chore. What is fun about going to someone's house for dinner who is not your friend? Presumably if they are sweatpants ppl and OP is judgy, curtain twitching, too much free time and thus writing this post type, they probably dont actually especially like op and have noticed this. And just went to be polite. If they found out that op didn't like them and wont have them back, I can't imagine they'd care. was an obligation yes. dont ever assume you are doing someone a favor by asking them over for dinner.

Do you really feel this way? Why not just say no when you get an invite then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. It depends what the invite was like if it was. Hey Sally, do you and Jim want to stop over later this evening?..... Yeah, I may come over wearing yoga pants and something comfy because that's what I typically wear in the evenings..

If you asked if we wanted to come over for dinner then I would likely dress much nicer and nice jeans and a blouse.

If you asked if we just wanted to hang and watch a football game. Yeah I'm coming over and yoga pants and a jersey

I’m the pp who said we like to dress comfortably. If our neighbor invited us to a dinner party or cocktail party without kids, of course we would put in some effort. I have youbg kids. We are not invited as just a couple so it has been a while since those days so only families with young kids invites our family with kids over and we are all dressing comfortably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a real horse in this race but I’m struck by the sneering tone so many people here are using at being invited to a neighbor’s house for dinner. No, it’s not tea with the queen, but if someone graciously opens up their home to you and shows hospitality, that’s not nothing. So many people complain about being lonely, but then when someone makes an effort to reach out, it’s met with so little appreciation. Maybe people should stay home if going to someone’s house for dinner is such a chore that they can’t drag themselves out of whatever they were already wearing that day.

right but i do think most people probably DON'T really want to go to their neighbor's house for dinner. If they're not a good enough friend that you can wear what you want, then it is a chore. What is fun about going to someone's house for dinner who is not your friend? Presumably if they are sweatpants ppl and OP is judgy, curtain twitching, too much free time and thus writing this post type, they probably dont actually especially like op and have noticed this. And just went to be polite. If they found out that op didn't like them and wont have them back, I can't imagine they'd care. was an obligation yes. dont ever assume you are doing someone a favor by asking them over for dinner.

If you don't want to go to your neighbor's house, then use your words and decline. Don't go while silently conveying your disdain by wearing any old thing you found on the floor of your closet. Don't assume YOU are doing them the favor by going.

Your post encapsulates everything awful about the DC area--cold, passive-aggressive, unfriendly, and ungracious.

but how would you decline?
neighbor - 'want to come over for dinner some time?'
sweatpants neighbor - 'no. no we never want to come over for dinner'

not possible.

also i'm not from DC!

[Anonymous]

I would have felt the same way you did OP.

Wearing sweats gives off the impression that they couldn’t put an ounce of thought (or care‼️) into how they presented themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know many adult women who wear sweatpants out of the house, and certainly not to any social event. So just an FYI--if you are invited to someone's home for dinner in NYC, do not wear sweatpants. You will stand out, and not in a good way.

i'm from NYC and this is absolutely false

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have felt the same way you did OP.

Wearing sweats gives off the impression that they couldn’t put an ounce of thought (or care‼️) into how they presented themselves.

right but so what if they dont? Why do you assume others care what you think? why do you WANT them to care what you think of what they wear? Focus on what kind of human they are