Was having kids worth the risk it took on your looks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes 100% worth it. I got lucky because I am petite and lost all the baby weight within 12 weeks with my first 2. I’m now a couple years out from baby #3 and still a bit softer than before with an extra 2-3 lbs. which means I’m more of a size 2/4 than a size 0/2 like before.

Wrinkles are worse, but that would have happened no matter what and plus there is Botox. I still prioritize getting frequent balayage and cuts to keep my hair fresh and have a very light makeup routine.

The biggest change is that I no longer feel motivated to dress up cute. What is the point when I work from home and otherwise spend my free time taking kids to the park or sports practices. I still try to look out together-ish but it’s a lot more athleisure wear, leggings and sweaters, jeans and a basic top, etc. Can’t remember the last time I wore heels or even anything cocktail attire-ish.

Agree on your last point but that's also a life stage thing. People aren't going out the same way they did in their 20s, kids or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, there was no question. I always wanted kids and am happy to have them. I also got lucky and got two awesome kids.

But, seriously, if you are even asking this question, just don't have kids. Your priorities are screwed up. If you were asking about risks to your -health- and the changes that can happen with pregnancy to your health, that would be one thing. But your looks? Nope. Don't have kids. Just do what you do best and focus on yourself.

+1 to all of this. If you are even asking this question, do not have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

Are you a teen?

The average age of first birth is over 30 in many US states. Celebrities often use surrogates because of infertility problems, sometimes using donor eggs. Many of them are forty or older.

The cosmetic effects of pregnancy aren't the biggest issue. There's the ones people don't like to talk about like infertility, miscarriage, pelvic floor damage, stitches, incontinence, hemorrhoids, hair loss, mastitis, sleep deprivation, hormone changes, depression, varicose veins, ongoing worry about kids, and the economic impact. Grey hair is the least of new mothers' problems.

That's incorrect. Celebs in their 30s use surrogates.

Amber heard used on and she's in her 30s.

Hollywood actresses have been using surrogates for DECADES. It's much, much more commonplace than people realize. For them, it makes sense from a financial perspective since so much of their marketability relies on how they look. And most of them are so discreet that you would never suspect that they had used one. Also (and this is somewhat less common these days) but there are a few long-term Hollywood couples who are bearding for one another. In the olden days these couples would adopt, but nowadays they use surrogates and fake being pregnant because it's cheaper and easier.

The issue for me is when so-called "celebrities" like hilaria baldwin use surrogates then perpetuate an unrealistic "bounce back" a mere days after giving birth. Hilaria is one of the worst, but she's far from being the only one. Any time you see some thirsty model/actress/whatever showing off her bikini body when she's supposedly given birth within the last couple of months, you can rest assured that a surrogate was involved.

In the olden days? Do you mean the 1970s or the 1800s?

[Anonymous]

Honestly I was able to lose all the baby weight but then during Covid I gained about 15 lbs back and it has been much harder to lose this weight now that I’m in my 40s than the baby weight was to lose.

[Anonymous]

4 kids, late 30s and I look great. Make yourself a priority ladies! You are worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, personally, I was skinnier after having my kids - nursing got me to the skinniest I have ever been (probably too skinny.) I only gained 15-20 pounds with each pregnancy (I had three kids). But maybe most importantly was that my workouts got shorter - but way better - when I had kids. Pre-kids, I would lollygag around the gym, maybe do a class or elliptical? But post-kids, when I had 30 minutes max, I started leaning into weights and HIIT, and definitely can see results.
I'm 43, much fitter than I was in my 20s.
Really flat boobs though!

Also much fitter after kids. Really relished that workout time when my kids were little, and when you suddenly have almost zero downtime, you learn to make efficient use of it.

Another +1. Pre-kids, I could barely get to the gym two times per week. If I’m honest with myself, that’s because I really didn’t prioritize it. Two kids later? I go to the gym three times per week at 5:30a (weights and cardio) and look better than I did pre kids. I didn’t know my butt could be this perky! I don’t have the breasts I had before I had kids, but that’s obviously something that can be fixed only with surgery.

I think the key is (1) accepting that some changes will happen (breasts, tummy, larger rib cage), (2) being committed to being your best for the things that you can control (eg, how toned your arms are, getting your hair colored), and (3) making sure those darn kids are STTN by 4-6m so you have a decent shot a fitting in personal things like exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of it is related to having kids, not just the pregnancy. And YES kids are worth it. If this is even a question, maybe don’t have kids, surrogate or not. No Botox or retinol during pregnancy and maybe breastfeeding can explain the wrinkles, but having the baby and being busy and sleep deprived doesn’t help. Same re hair, I think not all types of hair dye are safe in pregnancy, but it’s also not always as much of a priority to stay on top of your hair when you’re caring for a newborn.

I'm already sleep deprived and I don't even have kids! I don't feel I aged but I have certain traits that make me appear younger. It runs in the family. I also don't use botox and have no wrinkles. I did lose 35lbs though and I am thin and fit and an almost daily gym goer. I don't dye my hair either but I have seen pregnant women that look to be in their late 40's or 50's to me. I just wonder if it's rapid aging during pregnancy.

Yes having children ages you. Each mothers telomeres age up to 4 years older for each kid than peers without children. Sone research says it is up to 13 yrs per child. Google it.

You're absolutely correct. Explains a lot.

[Anonymous]

No way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely worth it, and people are absolutely kidding themselves when they say they've aged the same way as childless women. The sleep factor alone is huge.

In the little kid years that’s true but it all catches up in your 50s.

No way. There was a childfree woman at my gym that I thought was 32 yrs old max. Someone told her she would lose her physique after she had kids and to “wait until you also hit menopause.” She responded saying she is 55 and post menopause. Mic drop. I would not have believed it in a million years but is true. Totally shut down that conversation. 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I was able to lose all the baby weight but then during Covid I gained about 15 lbs back and it has been much harder to lose this weight now that I’m in my 40s than the baby weight was to lose.

+1 Three babies weren't a big deal at all. I lost the weight and went back to my usual waist size. Now I'm 45, my youngest is 10 years old, and weigh 30 pounds more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I was able to lose all the baby weight but then during Covid I gained about 15 lbs back and it has been much harder to lose this weight now that I’m in my 40s than the baby weight was to lose.

+1 Three babies weren't a big deal at all. I lost the weight and went back to my usual waist size. Now I'm 45, my youngest is 10 years old, and weigh 30 pounds more.

Every body is different. No one knows how OP's body will react to pregnancy.

I'm 53 and very petite, and had two big babies. I'm a size 4, 115lbs. Weight is all in the middle. Obviously, I am not nor have I ever been overweight, but for most women, having kids does a number on their looks, unless you have $$ to hire sitters so you can spend a lot of time at the gym and dermatologist, and buy nice clothes that flatter you.

I got melasma after my pregnancies, and they never went away. And the skin tags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's absolutely worth it, and people are absolutely kidding themselves when they say they've aged the same way as childless women. The sleep factor alone is huge.

In the little kid years that’s true but it all catches up in your 50s.

No way. There was a childfree woman at my gym that I thought was 32 yrs old max. Someone told her she would lose her physique after she had kids and to “wait until you also hit menopause.” She responded saying she is 55 and post menopause. Mic drop. I would not have believed it in a million years but is true. Totally shut down that conversation. 😁

Oh well, one 55 year old woman out there proves that it is always true!



Good for her, but most women see major changes in their 50s, kids or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, there was no question. I always wanted kids and am happy to have them. I also got lucky and got two awesome kids.

But, seriously, if you are even asking this question, just don't have kids. Your priorities are screwed up. If you were asking about risks to your -health- and the changes that can happen with pregnancy to your health, that would be one thing. But your looks? Nope. Don't have kids. Just do what you do best and focus on yourself.

+1 to all of this. If you are even asking this question, do not have children.

Disagree. It’s okay to be vain and prioritize looks and still have kids.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could have another. I lost 40 lbs nursing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, there was no question. I always wanted kids and am happy to have them. I also got lucky and got two awesome kids.

But, seriously, if you are even asking this question, just don't have kids. Your priorities are screwed up. If you were asking about risks to your -health- and the changes that can happen with pregnancy to your health, that would be one thing. But your looks? Nope. Don't have kids. Just do what you do best and focus on yourself.

+1 to all of this. If you are even asking this question, do not have children.

Disagree. It’s okay to be vain and prioritize looks and still have kids.

Assuming you are one of these vain people, did worries about your looks even factor into your *decision-making* about having kids? No one is saying a person who places value on their own appearance cannot be a good parent. But that is not what OP was asking.