BIL/kids visiting for Thanksgiving; grandparents don’t want to bow out to a hotel

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe the disdain that so many of you have for your families. My family would definitely figure out a way to make it work so that we all sleep under one roof (especially for the kids - slumber parties are the best with cousins!). When I've had a full house I've always given the master bedroom to the parents/parents in law and there have been times that DH and I have slept on the couch or an air mattress in our basement. It's a few days, it's not a life sentence. People need to ease up. It definitely seems like OP just doesn't like her in-laws being around and wants to kick them out to the hotel. In-laws understandably want to be under the same roof with grandkids. When we all have get togethers the grandkids/grandparents are the first ones up and it's such fun time for them to hang out before the parents get up (and gives parents a break!). Unless OP is in a 2 bedroom/1bath house there is no way they can't figure this out for a couple days.

OP - come back and share how many bedrooms/bathrooms you have and what types of common space and I bet we can figure out an arrangement that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe the disdain that so many of you have for your families. My family would definitely figure out a way to make it work so that we all sleep under one roof (especially for the kids - slumber parties are the best with cousins!). When I've had a full house I've always given the master bedroom to the parents/parents in law and there have been times that DH and I have slept on the couch or an air mattress in our basement. It's a few days, it's not a life sentence. People need to ease up. It definitely seems like OP just doesn't like her in-laws being around and wants to kick them out to the hotel. In-laws understandably want to be under the same roof with grandkids. When we all have get togethers the grandkids/grandparents are the first ones up and it's such fun time for them to hang out before the parents get up (and gives parents a break!). Unless OP is in a 2 bedroom/1bath house there is no way they can't figure this out for a couple days.

OP - come back and share how many bedrooms/bathrooms you have and what types of common space and I bet we can figure out an arrangement that works.

Not everybody wants to cram to "make it work." Doesn't mean we have disdain for our families! I love my family (including my ILs); I also love sleeping in a bed, in a room with a door that closes, and not sharing an bathroom with anybody but my spouse and kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe the disdain that so many of you have for your families. My family would definitely figure out a way to make it work so that we all sleep under one roof (especially for the kids - slumber parties are the best with cousins!). When I've had a full house I've always given the master bedroom to the parents/parents in law and there have been times that DH and I have slept on the couch or an air mattress in our basement. It's a few days, it's not a life sentence. People need to ease up. It definitely seems like OP just doesn't like her in-laws being around and wants to kick them out to the hotel. In-laws understandably want to be under the same roof with grandkids. When we all have get togethers the grandkids/grandparents are the first ones up and it's such fun time for them to hang out before the parents get up (and gives parents a break!). Unless OP is in a 2 bedroom/1bath house there is no way they can't figure this out for a couple days.

OP - come back and share how many bedrooms/bathrooms you have and what types of common space and I bet we can figure out an arrangement that works.

I love my family but I want to be comfortable and so do they. Staying at a hotel
Is not lack of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ooh, this is tough. You are doing all the right things but DCUM is going to come for you telling you to respect your elders or some nonsense. I would want to host in my house as per plan. It really blows my mind when parents can't let their (adult) kids do things without them.

Could you see if cousin/fiancee would be willing to stay in the hotel? If they are young, they might like a few free nights in a hotel (assuming you're willing to pay for the hotel regardless of who stays there).

Remember the Fifth Commandment. You do not throw your parents. Make room. One Christmas my two sisters (5 children between the two,), myself and brother, with spouses all spend from Dec. 22 through Dec. 27 together. It was the best and happiest Christmas of my Ife.

Right right. I want to hear from your sister's husbands and your brother's wife about how joyful that Christmas was. I bet they've filed it under "Things I Will Never Agree to Again".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m the outlier but I truly do not understand why a million changes need to be made for last minute guests.
Last minute, stay at the hotel. Maybe kids stay over at the house for a night or two. But seriously, staying at a hotel 5 minutes away is going to destroy their ability to ‘have cousin time’?
And yes, for something like this I think it is rude to ask parents to change plans.

People who accept an invitation for Thanksgiving in August are last minute guests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe the disdain that so many of you have for your families. My family would definitely figure out a way to make it work so that we all sleep under one roof (especially for the kids - slumber parties are the best with cousins!). When I've had a full house I've always given the master bedroom to the parents/parents in law and there have been times that DH and I have slept on the couch or an air mattress in our basement. It's a few days, it's not a life sentence. People need to ease up. It definitely seems like OP just doesn't like her in-laws being around and wants to kick them out to the hotel. In-laws understandably want to be under the same roof with grandkids. When we all have get togethers the grandkids/grandparents are the first ones up and it's such fun time for them to hang out before the parents get up (and gives parents a break!). Unless OP is in a 2 bedroom/1bath house there is no way they can't figure this out for a couple days.

OP - come back and share how many bedrooms/bathrooms you have and what types of common space and I bet we can figure out an arrangement that works.

Eh, unless you come from a culture that prioritizes the elders over everyone else, I think it’s human nature to want to have a good time with same age, infrequent guests rather than a different generation that keeps different hours, doesn’t want to do the same activities, and are already frequent guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s right to invite the in-laws and then disinvite them from staying at your house. Whoever was last should be the ones to stay at the hotel. In this case, BIL.

Yeah, let’s kick BIL while he’s down and going through a divorce and put him and his kids in the closest Courtyard a thousand miles away home. Why can’t the ILs be flexible? They should be happy they raised kids who like each other and want to spend time together without Mom and Dad hovering.

WTF????

Your lack of grace and empathy for the divorced brother is startling. I can only assume that you are elderly and siding with the ILs because you can’t imagine a world view beyond your own nose. Selfish, selfish!

[Anonymous]

Since the cousins is young there is a good chance they’ll cancel before then due to pressure from one or both families. Reserve a hotel room but make sure it’s one you can cancel. This is a problem that might very well resolve itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s right to invite the in-laws and then disinvite them from staying at your house. Whoever was last should be the ones to stay at the hotel. In this case, BIL.

Yeah, let’s kick BIL while he’s down and going through a divorce and put him and his kids in the closest Courtyard a thousand miles away home. Why can’t the ILs be flexible? They should be happy they raised kids who like each other and want to spend time together without Mom and Dad hovering.

A grown ass man traveling across country with his kids is grown enough to stay and pay for his own hotel, he’s getting a divorce, not a lobotomy!!
Some of you people really hate your parents and in-laws and then the first ones screaming when they don’t give you what you want.
Grow up!

A grown ass couple old enough to have grandchildren should have the maturity to gracefully accept a one time request to stay in a hotel to allow their children/grandchildren (one of whom is going through a recent divorce) some rare bonding time when they’re generally going to be sleeping anyway!

[Anonymous]

My parents would do their part to make a long-distance visit from their son and grandkids happen, comfortably for all. They would volunteer to stay in a hotel and wouldn’t dream of having us pay.

[Anonymous]

I know your dh wants to play board games late night but if I were the Fiancee I would want that hotel room. Also the 2 are not mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know your dh wants to play board games late night but if I were the Fiancee I would want that hotel room. Also the 2 are not mutually exclusive.

Did you not see the update where OP said she’s going to offer to pay for a hotel room for cousin and fiancée?

[Anonymous]

I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s right to invite the in-laws and then disinvite them from staying at your house. Whoever was last should be the ones to stay at the hotel. In this case, BIL.

Yeah, let’s kick BIL while he’s down and going through a divorce and put him and his kids in the closest Courtyard a thousand miles away home. Why can’t the ILs be flexible? They should be happy they raised kids who like each other and want to spend time together without Mom and Dad hovering.

A grown ass man traveling across country with his kids is grown enough to stay and pay for his own hotel, he’s getting a divorce, not a lobotomy!!
Some of you people really hate your parents and in-laws and then the first ones screaming when they don’t give you what you want.
Grow up!

A grown ass couple old enough to have grandchildren should have the maturity to gracefully accept a one time request to stay in a hotel to allow their children/grandchildren (one of whom is going through a recent divorce) some rare bonding time when they’re generally going to be sleeping anyway!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.