BIL/kids visiting for Thanksgiving; grandparents don’t want to bow out to a hotel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

Interesting that you lack the imagination to realize that not everyone has that kind of disposable income but would still like to see family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Unless you’re having sex with these people, I don’t see how.

Haha, exactly! In my family, many of us hang out all day at my parents’ lake cottage, but there’s not enough room to sleep everyone comfortably. So when it’s bed time, some stay at my step-grandmother’s house about 20 minutes away, some stay in a hotel about 10 minutes away, and some (who crazily like to camp) stay at a camp ground about 10 minutes away. So yeah, maybe some who don’t sleep there miss out on like one cup of coffee or one final round of poker, oooooooh big deal. We spent all day together, usually for multiple days. It’s really OK to brush your teeth under a different roof. Some of you are so precious and needy with your FOMO, I swear.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

That’s nice. In my family, we share and try to ease the burden by being flexible, welcoming and reasonable. That’s even nicer.

Awwwwww aren’t you special! Who says we feel travel is a “burden”? Get off your high horse. You just assume that because BIL is getting divorced he is broke and pitiful and needs all this extra help. And having BIL, the latecomer to already assigned rooms, stay in a hotel is NOT failing to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

Interesting that you lack the imagination to realize that not everyone has that kind of disposable income but would still like to see family.

Maybe you lack the imagination that maybe BIL is not destitute and would not die of isolation staying at a hotel.
As for resources, those conversations that happen BEFORE travel and accommodation arrangements are made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

That’s nice. In my family, we share and try to ease the burden by being flexible, welcoming and reasonable. That’s even nicer.

Awwwwww aren’t you special! Who says we feel travel is a “burden”? Get off your high horse. You just assume that because BIL is getting divorced he is broke and pitiful and needs all this extra help. And having BIL, the latecomer to already assigned rooms, stay in a hotel is NOT failing to share.

Sorry about your divorce.

[Anonymous]

DH handles this. You & he decide. You two have FULL power to decide. It's your home. You are the hosts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

That’s nice. In my family, we share and try to ease the burden by being flexible, welcoming and reasonable. That’s even nicer.

Awwwwww aren’t you special! Who says we feel travel is a “burden”? Get off your high horse. You just assume that because BIL is getting divorced he is broke and pitiful and needs all this extra help. And having BIL, the latecomer to already assigned rooms, stay in a hotel is NOT failing to share.

Sorry about your divorce.

I’m not divorced so there is that , I’m just not sitting in high places thinking that divorced people are inter brink of despair to such a degree that stsying at a hotel will kill them and their familial ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH handles this. You & he decide. You two have FULL power to decide. It's your home. You are the hosts.

Or…you could decide not to host and get that hotel room for yourselves. I’m sure the adults coming over will be just fine and you can get a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

That’s nice. In my family, we share and try to ease the burden by being flexible, welcoming and reasonable. That’s even nicer.

Awwwwww aren’t you special! Who says we feel travel is a “burden”? Get off your high horse. You just assume that because BIL is getting divorced he is broke and pitiful and needs all this extra help. And having BIL, the latecomer to already assigned rooms, stay in a hotel is NOT failing to share.

You’re ridiculously inflexible. Do you notify your guests of specific room assignments months ahead of their stay? I’m sure OP’s in-laws made assumptions about where they’d be sleeping based on previous holidays that OP’s household hosted. However, this holiday is different from previous ones because there will be additional, special guests. BIL and his children cannot be classified as “latecomers” when OP received more than 90 days’ notice of their plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're willing to pay for the hotel, couldn't you offer to pay for cousin/fiancee to stay at the hotel? As young grad students, they might welcome the treat/slight distance from the kid/grandparent chaos.

Uh, yeah, this is the obvious answer.

[Anonymous]

This hotel is *5 minutes* away. It’s not like it’s on the moon. Who the F cares who stays there? I just don’t get this magic that supposedly happens when all sleep under the same roof.
As host, in this situation, I’d personally do the dishes and then happily depart for the hotel, abandoning the house to my honored guests. I’d revel in the quiet, uncluttered room and watch Law & Order reruns while raiding the minibar. This is the kind of sacrifice I’m willing to make for family harmony.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you all come to a decision?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

That’s nice. In my family, we share and try to ease the burden by being flexible, welcoming and reasonable. That’s even nicer.

Awwwwww aren’t you special! Who says we feel travel is a “burden”? Get off your high horse. You just assume that because BIL is getting divorced he is broke and pitiful and needs all this extra help. And having BIL, the latecomer to already assigned rooms, stay in a hotel is NOT failing to share.

You’re ridiculously inflexible. Do you notify your guests of specific room assignments months ahead of their stay? I’m sure OP’s in-laws made assumptions about where they’d be sleeping based on previous holidays that OP’s household hosted. However, this holiday is different from previous ones because there will be additional, special guests. BIL and his children cannot be classified as “latecomers” when OP received more than 90 days’ notice of their plans.

Latecomers if they announced their participation later than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should squeeze everyone in together. My favorite memories of my childhood were the holidays when all my cousins and aunt and uncle and grandparents all stayed in the same house.

We did this often with my dad's side of the family and never with my mom's. Consequently, I'm significantly closer to my dad's side of the family. There is a level of bonding that happens when people sleep under the same roof that just can't be otherwise replicated.

Don't you think OP considered that first and realized it wasn't a good idea based on their space constraints? Some people don't want to just "squeeze in", that's not how I was raised and I would feel uncomfortable.

Don’t host people if your house is not spacious enough to accommodate them to your satisfaction. It is rude to invite grandparents and then change the plans and send them to a hotel because you invited more people than you have space for. Also rude to prioritize a cousins and yet to be met fiancé over grandparents enjoying the rare chance to see all their grandkids together.

If I were the fiancé, I would find this situation very uncomfortable.

Oh, so when BIL called and said hey, can I join you guys for Thanksgiving, OP and DH should have said “No, spend it by yourselves. We don’t want you out here, you don’t fit.” Happy holidays, eh?

What they should have said is “That’s great! Our house is full, but I’ll send you a list of close hotels.”

Some of us don’t run our family by Policy. We are flexible and take circumstances into consideration. My SIL and her family live in California, and any time they are willing to fly to us, spending thousands and taking extra time off work, we recognize the effort and expense and make it work. Luckily my ILs feel the same way—after all, it is a chance to see their grandkids without them having to spend thousands and sit through a long-haul flight. But hey, if you want to cut off your nose to spite your face, go for it.

Hmmm… I live thousands of miles from family and when I travel I’m
Sure I can afford the travel and accommodations

That’s nice. In my family, we share and try to ease the burden by being flexible, welcoming and reasonable. That’s even nicer.

Awwwwww aren’t you special! Who says we feel travel is a “burden”? Get off your high horse. You just assume that because BIL is getting divorced he is broke and pitiful and needs all this extra help. And having BIL, the latecomer to already assigned rooms, stay in a hotel is NOT failing to share.

You’re ridiculously inflexible. Do you notify your guests of specific room assignments months ahead of their stay? I’m sure OP’s in-laws made assumptions about where they’d be sleeping based on previous holidays that OP’s household hosted. However, this holiday is different from previous ones because there will be additional, special guests. BIL and his children cannot be classified as “latecomers” when OP received more than 90 days’ notice of their plans.

Latecomers if they announced their participation later than everyone else.

No, not latecomers. Everyone else follows a predictable pattern every Thanksgiving and, therefore, does not need to announce their participation. It is presumed. BIL is doing something different, so he had to actually announce his participation, which he did in an extremely timely manner. In-laws made assumptions about where they’d be sleeping, but their assumptions were wrong because this Thanksgiving is different.

The way you’re claiming this operates, the in-laws already have a claim on a specific bed at OP’s house for Thanksgiving 2031.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you all come to a decision?

Yes, it was announced on PAGE TWO, as those of us who can read already know.