Parents being flippant about inheritance - is it a trend?

[Anonymous]

PP, family is about more than leaving money to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have always told both sets of parents to live their lives, never excessively meddled in their finances, haven't asked for extravagant gifts etc - we are secure and totally okay that it is their money to do with as they see fit. Nothing to do with us.

But, I still find it incredibly off putting when my well off ILs seem to take pleasure in telling us they plan to eat all their money. It seems spiteful and weird.

Yea well, their your in laws. They certainly owe nothing to you. You two get divorced and that’s the end of that relationship.

Maybe they say what they say because they can see right through you and know you don’t like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason we do not want to pass it on to our children is over time we realize that our children are self centered, annoying, fake and entitled. There are a lot of things we keep our mouth shut about, so may be the children do not have any idea, but we are watching them and drawing conclusions about how worthy they are.

Also, most times we do not like the spouse of our children. We find them rude and classless. We do not like how they raise their children either. In short, we see their true colors and how grasping and greedy they are. They have used us for material stuff as well as babysitting but they treat us as annoying and do not show us any respect. We do not expect that they will take care of us when we are very old and we do not think that they deserve anything. We are also aware when you pilfer our funds or cheat us. We have to keep quite but we remember everything.

The people who get the money are the people who do not annoy us. In short, we would rather give it to the govt than give to people we know.

You must have been a horrible parent to raise such awful kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That kinda of attitude is usually b/c they feel that you aren't really supportive of them - they may assume you are motivated by money. A lot of older people start to feel like that later in life b/c they are disappointed with their family relationships.

You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

A large portion of the late Silent Generation to Boomers refused to make many sacrifices to be parents. We were left to fend for ourselves as they did all the adult things they wanted to and we enjoyed a feral childhood with some freedoms, but many pressures. Many of our parents expected us to cater to them as children while also being a best friend and confidant and comfort to them. Our job was to get out the house, come back when they needed comfort and fend for ourselves.

Then we became independent and created our families and they made it clear there would be no babysitting and we once again must not interfere with their precious important social lives. And we accepted it and didn't ask for anything.

And then they aged and expected us to be there for every emergency and every issue all while reminding us over and over that we don't deserve a dime from them, not that we asked. We, having far more emotional maturity, spared them the guilt trip of the fact they themselves inherited and got plenty of free extras from their parents.

Hopefully as the more selfish of this aging population pass away, a kinder, and gentler society will slowly emerge where we care more about climate change, and poverty than about buying flashy new cars and landfill junk. hopefully we are raising a generation of kids who know they are loved and valued and will be able to save the therapy money to donate to worthy causes and not feel so drained that they can't focus on how to make life better for those less fortunate.

May the me, me,me ...I can never enough cruises and fancy things mentality and the normalizing of physical, emotional and/or verbal abuse pass with this generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this too op. On his deathbed, my father was crying to me (only second time I’d ever seen him cry, first was when my sibling was killed) that he was so sorry that he wanted to leave us remaining siblings each $1m. That was his life’s goal, but cancer took him unexpectedly. Most of my parents money was from my dad’s mother and grandmother, they didn’t save a lot. My mom has about $2m now and has repeatedly told me and my sibling that she plans to spend it all. I don’t really need the money, but it still really hurts. I have kids and I don’t understand this attitude at all.
Each time she brings this up to me, which is a few times a year, I tell her to please enjoy her money but make sure she has enough to take care of herself should she need care. It runs about $200,000 a year as she wants to stay at home. I told her that since I need to save for my children’s college and my own retirement that I will be unable to pitch in with any monetary help.
I find it extremely ironic that her college was paid for by a wealthy aunt, my college and my sibling’s college was paid for by our father’s mother and she wants to leave nothing for her grandkids. It’s sad and if I’m being honest, it has definitely changed the way I think about her and how much I’m willing to sacrifice to see her. Not much.

So how did you snoop around and find out that she has $2 million? Not that you care about the money, of course . . .

She tells me all of the time...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A large portion of the late Silent Generation to Boomers refused to make many sacrifices to be parents. We were left to fend for ourselves as they did all the adult things they wanted to and we enjoyed a feral childhood with some freedoms, but many pressures. Many of our parents expected us to cater to them as children while also being a best friend and confidant and comfort to them. Our job was to get out the house, come back when they needed comfort and fend for ourselves.

Then we became independent and created our families and they made it clear there would be no babysitting and we once again must not interfere with their precious important social lives. And we accepted it and didn't ask for anything.

And then they aged and expected us to be there for every emergency and every issue all while reminding us over and over that we don't deserve a dime from them, not that we asked. We, having far more emotional maturity, spared them the guilt trip of the fact they themselves inherited and got plenty of free extras from their parents.

Hopefully as the more selfish of this aging population pass away, a kinder, and gentler society will slowly emerge where we care more about climate change, and poverty than about buying flashy new cars and landfill junk. hopefully we are raising a generation of kids who know they are loved and valued and will be able to save the therapy money to donate to worthy causes and not feel so drained that they can't focus on how to make life better for those less fortunate.

May the me, me,me ...I can never enough cruises and fancy things mentality and the normalizing of physical, emotional and/or verbal abuse pass with this generation.

I hope you don’t pass your bitterness and prejudices onto your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Being concerned about inheritance from your parents is gross. If you do this you are a ghoul, waiting for your parents to die so you can get their money. Several of my dad's siblings sat around and thought about the money that their parents were going to leave them. They did nothing with their lives. My dad and his sister went out and made their own way and were quite successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re in our early 60s and early retired and have a net worth of just over $7 million. We’ve taken very good care of our now adult children - college educations, weddings, down payments all covered, plus literally hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of free and excellent child care (none of our kids have ever had to pay a dime to a nanny, sitter or day care - and that’s enough for them. They’re not chomping at the but waiting for us to croak, and they don’t begrudge us spending however much we want on whatever we want.

If things go well, they should end up with some amount of inheritance, but if they don’t I’m quite sure they’re not gonna trash us on an anonymous website.

Your generation amazes me. It’s never enough. You always want more.

Did you receive a big inheritance from your parents, and are you now proudly telling your kids that you plan to leave them nothing? Because that is OP's situation, not what you have described.

Since you asked, my spouse’s parents did in fact leave my spouse a decent chunk of change, yes. They left just as much to their church and other charities, though, and my spouse and I didn’t b_tch about it. Since it was, after all, THEIR money.

Weird, irrelevant post. What would you have to b*itch about, since they left you a "decent chunk of change?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a boomer thing. Some people will say it's selfish, but I think it's just a resetting of expectations of what it means to age.

When I was a kid, my grandparents were always available to babysit, and pretty much homebodies. Oh, they golfed and played bridge, got dinner with friends, and did the Florida snowbird thing, but they weren't taking big trips, eating out all the time, going to bars, hosting big parties, etc. We spent every NYE with them while my parents went out.

Now, I still stay home on NYE because my parents are still going out and not babysitting 😂 They just live differently , and they seem so much younger than my grandparents did at their age.They eat out, get cocktails, travel, etc. Basically, they're still living, which means they're spending a lot more money in their golden years.

So, unlike my parents, I don't have on-call, free babysitters and I don't expect to see a dime when they pass, but I actually think it's good. They worked hard for years and should enjoy this time. They gave me everything I needed to set myself up for success on my own. Will I ever be filthy rich? No. But I'm comfortable and looking forward to enjoying my own golden years once kids are grown and gone and I (hopefully) have some savings.

Eh, I disagree with you that it's not selfish. Our parents (boomers) expected their parents (Greatest gen.) to be available for babysitting all the time. Now that they are grandparents they won't do what they expected of their parents. It's all about them and their wants.

This. Their parents were so good to them, and they have no interest in paying it forward.

They have been the "Me Generation" their entire lives. I don't know why anyone would expect them to be different as old people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this too op. On his deathbed, my father was crying to me (only second time I’d ever seen him cry, first was when my sibling was killed) that he was so sorry that he wanted to leave us remaining siblings each $1m. That was his life’s goal, but cancer took him unexpectedly. Most of my parents money was from my dad’s mother and grandmother, they didn’t save a lot. My mom has about $2m now and has repeatedly told me and my sibling that she plans to spend it all. I don’t really need the money, but it still really hurts. I have kids and I don’t understand this attitude at all.
Each time she brings this up to me, which is a few times a year, I tell her to please enjoy her money but make sure she has enough to take care of herself should she need care. It runs about $200,000 a year as she wants to stay at home. I told her that since I need to save for my children’s college and my own retirement that I will be unable to pitch in with any monetary help.
I find it extremely ironic that her college was paid for by a wealthy aunt, my college and my sibling’s college was paid for by our father’s mother and she wants to leave nothing for her grandkids. It’s sad and if I’m being honest, it has definitely changed the way I think about her and how much I’m willing to sacrifice to see her. Not much.

So how did you snoop around and find out that she has $2 million? Not that you care about the money, of course . . .

She tells me all of the time...

Well that's a weird control issue. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That kinda of attitude is usually b/c they feel that you aren't really supportive of them - they may assume you are motivated by money. A lot of older people start to feel like that later in life b/c they are disappointed with their family relationships.

You reap what you sow.

Not always. Some kids really are only interested in the inheritance and not the actual parents - especially if the parents are ill or difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being concerned about inheritance from your parents is gross. If you do this you are a ghoul, waiting for your parents to die so you can get their money. Several of my dad's siblings sat around and thought about the money that their parents were going to leave them. They did nothing with their lives. My dad and his sister went out and made their own way and were quite successful.

Constantly talking about flaunting money and telling your kids it is all yours is gross. It's classless and disgusting. Keep your money and treat your children with dignity and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re in our early 60s and early retired and have a net worth of just over $7 million. We’ve taken very good care of our now adult children - college educations, weddings, down payments all covered, plus literally hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of free and excellent child care (none of our kids have ever had to pay a dime to a nanny, sitter or day care - and that’s enough for them. They’re not chomping at the but waiting for us to croak, and they don’t begrudge us spending however much we want on whatever we want.

If things go well, they should end up with some amount of inheritance, but if they don’t I’m quite sure they’re not gonna trash us on an anonymous website.

Your generation amazes me. It’s never enough. You always want more.

Did you receive a big inheritance from your parents, and are you now proudly telling your kids that you plan to leave them nothing? Because that is OP's situation, not what you have described.

Since you asked, my spouse’s parents did in fact leave my spouse a decent chunk of change, yes. They left just as much to their church and other charities, though, and my spouse and I didn’t b_tch about it. Since it was, after all, THEIR money.

Weird, irrelevant post. What would you have to b*itch about, since they left you a "decent chunk of change?"

Because on threads like these the anti-boomers don’t want the boomer to leave money to just anyone - they want all of it left to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That kinda of attitude is usually b/c they feel that you aren't really supportive of them - they may assume you are motivated by money. A lot of older people start to feel like that later in life b/c they are disappointed with their family relationships.

You reap what you sow.

Not the case. My mother did not look out for anyone but herself. She ignored her siblings' please for help with her parents and didn't even visit her parents or siblings on their death bed. She had nothing to do with her inlaws. She was abusive. She is now quite a wealthy woman and she is surrounded by people she pays to cater to her. You know where her sister, brother and SIL are-they are dead. They all developed terminal illnesses within a 5 years of the parents passing. They were the ones dealing with all the challenges. Did they reap what they sowed?