Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?

[Anonymous]

I was a beach nanny during summers in college. It was awesome. If you can afford it, do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding: Other good solutions - helpful relatives (SIL and one set of grandparents in particular), relatives (or friends) with kids the same age they can play with, babysitters (through hotels or local nanny agency), kids' clubs at resorts.

Why do you think it is acceptable to expect relatives to take care of your children? Unless you are paying for all of my trip. I only take care of myself. If you want childcare, bring a nanny.

These are relatives who volunteer to help. Some families are closer than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and btw I assume the travel nanny comment was semi-sarcastic but you can totally bring a nanny or regular babysitter if you have one. My DH and I have discussed doing this several times and the logistics just never worked out quite right but we'd definitely consider it. Just remember that the pay can be tricky (like a traveling per-diem employee, their travel time counts as "work" in many cases), so agree on a rate/amount beforehand.

I am a SAHM and we don’t have a nanny. The only time I really wish we had one is on vacations like this, not sarcastic at all. I love being the full time caregiver my for kids on weekdays and most weekends but vacations is a different story because I feel like that’s my off time. But of course parents don’t get off days!

If you are saving money on childcare by being a SAHM I feel like it's fair for 1) your DH to take the lead on parenting while you travel and/or 2) occasionally splurge on either a babysitter/nanny for trips or take trips without your kid sometimes. If you don't have family who can help with an occasional weekend away that feels like a genuine vacation, build a relationship with a nanny or sitter and have them start doing regular date nights to bond with your kid, then you can use them for it.

Parents totally get off days. You just have to budget for them.

SOME parents get days off. They do if they have the budget for it. Most people don't.

Most people on DCUM probably could, they just choose to spend on other things like big house, private school, two nice new cars...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to reframe your mindset: to begin with, “vacations” with kids under age ten or so are not relaxing endeavors at all. I prefer to frame our trips as “making memories” because I can’t expect to get any more rest or relaxation here than I would at home.

And yes, being in an unfamiliar environment without all of the resources of home can be frustrating.

Just do your best! I think family or hired help who can babysit are a nice resource to have if you really want/need time to zone out and do nothing.

This. It’s not a vacation (at least not for parents), it’s a trip. With our 7yo, we’ve finally started having vacations: when we go to an all inclusive resort that has a kids club DC likes going to for a few hours each day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel this way at all, tbh. But I imagine if you go into it thinking it’s going to be a beach trip like those in your 20’s, it’s going to be disappointing

Well yeah. For some of us, it’s difficult to accept how our QOL has decreased and how little fun we have because we have kids.

I have fun with kids, like my ancestors did. The hedonic treadmill is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and btw I assume the travel nanny comment was semi-sarcastic but you can totally bring a nanny or regular babysitter if you have one. My DH and I have discussed doing this several times and the logistics just never worked out quite right but we'd definitely consider it. Just remember that the pay can be tricky (like a traveling per-diem employee, their travel time counts as "work" in many cases), so agree on a rate/amount beforehand.

I am a SAHM and we don’t have a nanny. The only time I really wish we had one is on vacations like this, not sarcastic at all. I love being the full time caregiver my for kids on weekdays and most weekends but vacations is a different story because I feel like that’s my off time. But of course parents don’t get off days!

If you are saving money on childcare by being a SAHM I feel like it's fair for 1) your DH to take the lead on parenting while you travel and/or 2) occasionally splurge on either a babysitter/nanny for trips or take trips without your kid sometimes. If you don't have family who can help with an occasional weekend away that feels like a genuine vacation, build a relationship with a nanny or sitter and have them start doing regular date nights to bond with your kid, then you can use them for it.

Parents totally get off days. You just have to budget for them.

SOME parents get days off. They do if they have the budget for it. Most people don't.

Most people on DCUM probably could, they just choose to spend on other things like big house, private school, two nice new cars...

?? Every SAHM I know sends their kids to half day preschool and summer camps. Also have occasional babysitters helping out. Plenty of time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are we doing wrong? Rented a house by the beach with 2 year old and it just feels more tiring than staying home. He is up at 6am everyday as he always is, but because it’s a new environment he’s even more excited to ready to start the day immediately than usual. It’s 830 and we’ve Already had breakfast, read books, and gone to a nearby playground. Is the only solution to bring a travel nanny for some respite? Grandparents are also here but they are 0 help.

I'm not understanding the problem-I find it way more relaxing to have had breakfast and playground fun by 8:30, than to be at work after drop off and a long commute at the same time...

Take him to the beach, wear him out, home for lunch and you all nap then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding: Other good solutions - helpful relatives (SIL and one set of grandparents in particular), relatives (or friends) with kids the same age they can play with, babysitters (through hotels or local nanny agency), kids' clubs at resorts.

Why do you think it is acceptable to expect relatives to take care of your children? Unless you are paying for all of my trip. I only take care of myself. If you want childcare, bring a nanny.

I wouldn’t travel with someone who doesn’t help even if they paid for themself. Sorry but if you’re an unhelpful sibling or grandparent, we’ll see you when the kids are 10+.

[Anonymous]

We travel with our best friends who have similarly aged kids. The kids all play and entertain each other and then usually each couple gets a date night and moms do a night out and dads golf once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I've done several AMAs on here, but we are avid home exchangers and it's great! We exchange with families that have similarly aged kids and my kids LIVE FOR rolling up to a new house full of toys, bikes, games, etc. It is so enjoyable for us because they ravage through toys, art supplies, etc while we sit and have our morning coffee or after dinner drink. We also get to travel super light because based on our kids' ages all houses we've stayed in have cribs, monitors, beach toys, floats, strollers, baby carriers, kids meds, bandaids, all the things.

This is exactly why I’d never do a home exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.

+1. Try traveling with a 5, 3, and 1 year old and then I’ll compare notes with you. You only have one. If you want more kids then expect it to get worse before it gets better, but you know that. Definitely do not expect a vacation to be easier than staying at home when you have a young child. Someone told me that vacations with children are not vacations - they are trips. When we travel we try to eat out a lot, so that feels different and I drink a lot and am not “working” (but providing childcare FT for three kids is harder for me than working) which helps.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard because you don’t have the same set up you have at home to keep toddlers occupied and prevent them from hazards like baby gates. Coupled with toddler anxiety about being in new surroundings. My kids are entertained at the beach, but not all day.

Basically the best trips we currently do with my 20 month old (and our almost 5yo) are to disney world. Park in the morning, pool in the afternoon, maybe back to the park in the evening. Very little time in the actual hotel.

Our week at a beach rental with my in laws was tough (even with our nanny joining us to support) because the kids didn’t have our home set up to entertain them and toddler proof the place. By contrast my parents live at the beach and their house is fully familiar to my kids and set up to accommodate them, and we have a great time there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I've done several AMAs on here, but we are avid home exchangers and it's great! We exchange with families that have similarly aged kids and my kids LIVE FOR rolling up to a new house full of toys, bikes, games, etc. It is so enjoyable for us because they ravage through toys, art supplies, etc while we sit and have our morning coffee or after dinner drink. We also get to travel super light because based on our kids' ages all houses we've stayed in have cribs, monitors, beach toys, floats, strollers, baby carriers, kids meds, bandaids, all the things.

This is exactly why I’d never do a home exchange.

Works great for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding: Other good solutions - helpful relatives (SIL and one set of grandparents in particular), relatives (or friends) with kids the same age they can play with, babysitters (through hotels or local nanny agency), kids' clubs at resorts.

Why do you think it is acceptable to expect relatives to take care of your children? Unless you are paying for all of my trip. I only take care of myself. If you want childcare, bring a nanny.

I wouldn’t travel with someone who doesn’t help even if they paid for themself. Sorry but if you’re an unhelpful sibling or grandparent, we’ll see you when the kids are 10+.

I agree with this. If you are traveling WITH my family but unwilling to even hang out with my kids while I take a shower, or get my kid a water if they ask, then it is honestly more trouble to travel with you than it’s worth.

If a parent or sibling wants to travel with us, I assume it is in large part to spend time with the kids, which will mean helping because we don’t travel with staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ahhh, I see the problem is right there in your post title: You used the word VACATION. You haven’t realized that when you bring a toddler with you, you’re on a TRIP. You have the same routines and sometimes they’re even harder to follow, just in a nicer location.

Hang in there. Maybe the grandparents will stay in when the toddler goes to bed and give you and spouse a date night. That’s about the best you can hope for over the next several years when you’re on a, say it with me, TRIP to the beach.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310