Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?

[Anonymous]

Agree with all other posters. And I know you said you did this, but when my kids were that age, the one thing that helped me derive enough energy on vacation was to go to bed freakishly early, pretty much shortly after they did. Also, don’t stand on ceremony about screens. When kid wakes up, plop them on your bed with an iPad and headphones and you can doze for another 30 mins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. It does get better (in my experience, 3 was better than 2 for travel, although hellish in terms of behavior/defiance generally).

I find beach vacations to be kind of underwhelming with a toddler. So much sunscreen-ing, water policing, etc. The best vacations I've done with a kid that age were actually major cities where we stayed in a downtown/central location and everything was close and walkable, and there were lots of playgrounds.

I agree with this. We've had some really fun vacations in big cities where there are children's museums, zoos, aquariums, etc. Those have been more enjoyable and relaxing than the beach. Just book a hotel with a pool--kids are just as happy. We really enjoyed Atlanta, Indianapolis, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Boston.

My parents live at the beach so we do those vacations as well but honestly, even with helpful grandparents and all of the stuff you need right there, beach trips with little kids is tough. We rarely actually went to the beach when we were there and usually stuck to the pool.

If you do go to the beach, stay at an all-inclusive resort where they will set up chairs for you, food is provided, etc. Having to do all of the same tasks that you would have to do at home--grocery shop, cook, clean, drag beach stuff--is definitely not a vacation for you.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I promise it will get better. Adjust your expectations. I can't stress that enough. Renting a house is my lease favorite vacation formally the reasons you mention.

At that age we did lots of national parks - light hiking, find playgrounds, long pretty drives during nap time. We moved onto cruises for a bit (resorts would work well too) but the key we learned, at least for our kid, was to schedule MORE activities. Lounging by the pool is not an activity for them. Enjoying the scenery is not an activity.

Our kid needs to go-go-go, while my ideal vacation involves a mix of busy days and lazy days. No more lazy days unless they le the kids club or a family member is there to help.

[Anonymous]

At that age we called it a trip, not vacation. The only time we could relax was when my brother’s family brought their amazing nanny to watch the kids and we could get a bit of downtime. We paid her the same rate as their family.

[Anonymous]

Wait until they are tween/teens and they don’t want to be there. I’d prefer 2 to 13 any day.

[Anonymous]

One thing that can really help is having other parents with kids similar in age. With the right group, it can be a ton of help. The kids entertain each other. Parents take turn supervising. We've found that six parents with six toddler-to-preschoolers is less work per parent than two parents and two toddlers. One or two parents can supervise while the other four relax. Same with meal prep. You can take turns while others supervise. But having kids who happily play together and parents that pitch in is key.

[Anonymous]

Beach vacations aren’t okay with kids until they are like 10. Big cities is where it’s at with little ones, though 2 is just a miserable age to travel with overall.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, after 2.5 travel has been INFINITELY more fun. I think 1.5-2.5 is the worst age for travel.

[Anonymous]

This is the reason why resorts/cruises with built-in childcare exist. Maybe find one of those? Or, can you at least leave the kiddo with the grands after bedtime and sneak out for a drink with your spouse? That's what we did at that age. FWIW, it does get better quickly. Ours are 7 and 9 now, and the beach is legit fun.

[Anonymous]

You need to shift your understanding of what a vacation is. With young kids it's about spending time as a family and seeing or experiencing new things (which for a young kid can happen anywhere). It's NOT about relaxing.

I recall having the same frustration when my first child was 18 months or so, but I learned to enjoy vacations when I realized the point was not to relax or unwind. At all. If you want to unwind, take a weekend away from the kids, either with your spouse if you can or even just by yourself. I've gone to spas alone for 2 days and just gotten a massage, hung out in the sauna, and watched TV while ordering room service. Now THAT is relaxing. A beach house with a 2 year old is just parenting work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are we doing wrong? Rented a house by the beach with 2 year old and it just feels more tiring than staying home. He is up at 6am everyday as he always is, but because it’s a new environment he’s even more excited to ready to start the day immediately than usual. It’s 830 and we’ve Already had breakfast, read books, and gone to a nearby playground. Is the only solution to bring a travel nanny for some respite? Grandparents are also here but they are 0 help.

You are a parent of a small child. That is a job. If you want a vacation from your job, you need someone to cover. At the office , the business handles that for you (unless you are the owner).
Some employees are required to find their own coverage.

At home, you need someone to cover as well. It could be a grandparent or other relative or a nanny.

[Anonymous]

This remains my favorite and most helpful parenting blog post ever:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/vacation-or-tr...or-parents_b_7789310

Hang in there, OP. I just got finished a true vacation with my tweens. You'll get there.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's so exhausting. Going on vacation in August with my 2 and 4 year olds and am semi dreading it.

But if it makes you feel better, I don't think bringing a nanny is a solution -- I don't know how people do this. I have always had a full time nanny for normal life and we once took her with us on a trip and it was just more stress. The kids just wanted me the whole time anyway (even though they love her, but unlike home I wasn't working in this setting), and so I was just mothering full time and she was standing around feeling bad about it, trying to coax them to go play with her. I would have felt like a POS mom if I was lounging around while my kids were playing 10 feet away with the nanny. It's FOR SURE helpful at night so you can go out, but I have no idea how to have a nanny during the day without it just seeming like one more thing to manage to the tune of $25/hr, plus travel expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that can really help is having other parents with kids similar in age. With the right group, it can be a ton of help. The kids entertain each other. Parents take turn supervising. We've found that six parents with six toddler-to-preschoolers is less work per parent than two parents and two toddlers. One or two parents can supervise while the other four relax. Same with meal prep. You can take turns while others supervise. But having kids who happily play together and parents that pitch in is key.

Yes, other kids to play with your kids can be a huge win. But be very careful about who you go on a joint vacation with. Parenting other people's kids can be a challenge, so if you're going to go on vacation with another family, make sure you know them well enough and your parenting styles mesh. Shushing my friends' kid because he was too loud at 6:30am while my DH and younger kid and his mom slept was not fun, and his dad didn't seem to think it was a problem for him to run around shouting that early. Nor was the hurricane-level devastation he left behind after playing with every game in our AirBnB without cleaning up any of them - tripping hazards everywhere, and he broke the buzzer on one of the games after I told him not to force it forward. And they are wonderful friends, but they take twice as long to leave the house as we do, so trying to go anywhere was like pulling teeth. As far as vacations go, I much preferred the hotel we got with just us before meeting our friends, even though it was fantastic to see them and our kids had so much fun playing with theirs.

[Anonymous]

This is why we only go to all inclusives with baby/kids club. This is essential. I’m not cooking/cleaning and the older one has built in fun and kids to socialize with and baby has safe childcare and we get half the day to ourselves

Signed mom of 6.5 and 18 month old.