Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and btw I assume the travel nanny comment was semi-sarcastic but you can totally bring a nanny or regular babysitter if you have one. My DH and I have discussed doing this several times and the logistics just never worked out quite right but we'd definitely consider it. Just remember that the pay can be tricky (like a traveling per-diem employee, their travel time counts as "work" in many cases), so agree on a rate/amount beforehand.

I am a SAHM and we don’t have a nanny. The only time I really wish we had one is on vacations like this, not sarcastic at all. I love being the full time caregiver my for kids on weekdays and most weekends but vacations is a different story because I feel like that’s my off time. But of course parents don’t get off days!

If you are saving money on childcare by being a SAHM I feel like it's fair for 1) your DH to take the lead on parenting while you travel and/or 2) occasionally splurge on either a babysitter/nanny for trips or take trips without your kid sometimes. If you don't have family who can help with an occasional weekend away that feels like a genuine vacation, build a relationship with a nanny or sitter and have them start doing regular date nights to bond with your kid, then you can use them for it.

Parents totally get off days. You just have to budget for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ahhh, I see the problem is right there in your post title: You used the word VACATION. You haven’t realized that when you bring a toddler with you, you’re on a TRIP. You have the same routines and sometimes they’re even harder to follow, just in a nicer location.

Hang in there. Maybe the grandparents will stay in when the toddler goes to bed and give you and spouse a date night. That’s about the best you can hope for over the next several years when you’re on a, say it with me, TRIP to the beach.

Ha, thanks. DH and I actually went to bed 30 mins after kid went to bed last night (yes at 8pm) because we were just wiped out. No way we have energy to go to dinner after he sleeps.

At least DH stayed in the playground with him and gave me an hour off (which I am using to post here and drink coffee) I think he could tell I was losing it.

[Anonymous]

Call it travel...not vacation. There are no vacations with 2 year olds unless someone else is caring for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because parents have unrealistic expectations. I'm not judging you - I was the same. When you learn to reset your expectations it gets a little better. But frankly, we just didn't travel very much until the youngest was about 4.

People on this site talk about taking toddlers and preschoolers to europe and hawaii and it going swimmingly and I honestly just think they are completely mad. I wouldn't do that if you PAID ME.

I've taken my preschooler to these places and it went okay enough that we mentally blocked out the rough parts.

[Anonymous]

Two is definitely hard but at three and four we found some things that helped at least make beach time be more tolerable. We got one of those sand ice cream sets and a frisbee had our young kids make us different pretend treats. They would take our orders, spend several minutes making one bring it over to us we’d pretend to eat it and then off they go again. They make ice cream, pies, etc. They could do this for hours while we could just sit there and not worry about them being in the water. Sometimes we also when they’re a little older make sort of a “sand mountain” puke of sand where they jump off and off and off entertaining themselves. Also brought some matchbox cars so they could make a race track out of the sand mountain. You’ll figure out the best way to get some downtime but overall yes it is more work.

[Anonymous]

I would not and did not travel with grandparents that did not help. Therefore we traveled with my parents and not with my husband's. They are just like more children with rigid schedules and preferences and (adult) tantrums when it doesn't work out the way they want. I don't even know what in the world MIL does every morning but she'd mosey down to the beach at 11:30am (after we'd all been there 2 hours) and be shocked and hurt that we were all heading back inside for lunch and naps. Even though we told here this was exactly the schedule.

[Anonymous]

With little kids, it's not a vacation, it's a family trip. Adjust your expectations. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not and did not travel with grandparents that did not help. Therefore we traveled with my parents and not with my husband's. They are just like more children with rigid schedules and preferences and (adult) tantrums when it doesn't work out the way they want. I don't even know what in the world MIL does every morning but she'd mosey down to the beach at 11:30am (after we'd all been there 2 hours) and be shocked and hurt that we were all heading back inside for lunch and naps. Even though we told here this was exactly the schedule.

They don’t help with the baby but they paid for the house and all meals so they are definitely helpful in their own way! At least we are not spending 8k out of own pocket just to be tired and miserable. I would feel so much worse.

[Anonymous]

With the non-hands-on grandparents in my case, we asked them to watch the baby monitor after kid goes to bed or during their nap. Literally zero effort. Something you could try.

[Anonymous]

It’s not a vacation. It’s parenting in another location. Lower your expectations waaaay down. And I agree you are lucky to have the grandparents at all. Even if they don’t help with the jids, having additional adults so you can do things like leave the house with your Dh while your kid is napping or send them to pick up food are clutch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ahhh, I see the problem is right there in your post title: You used the word VACATION. You haven’t realized that when you bring a toddler with you, you’re on a TRIP. You have the same routines and sometimes they’re even harder to follow, just in a nicer location.

Exactly this. It becomes a vacation when kids are closer to 10.

[Anonymous]

You're not really on vacation, just parenting kids in an unfamiliar setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.

This.
You are just parenting in a different location. I personally like a schedule, so my kid at that age was up at 7. Breakfast, playground, beach/pool, lunch, nap, beach/pool or other activities, early dinner, then go for walk for ice cream, Funland, playground etc… bed.

[Anonymous]

Renting a house is never relaxing! You still have to do the same things you do at home (cook, clean, etc.), just in a different location. When my kids were little, we had some very relaxing vacations to all-inclusive resorts. We never used the kids' club, but the fact that we didn't have to cook or clean and there were always fun activities going on made it a true vacation rather than a trip. Now that the kids are in MS/HS, renting a house with friends is fun and does feel like a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Reasons it’s exhausting-

Kids don’t sleep in.
Without familiar bed, food, and routine some kids are quicker to melt down or act in ways that are inconvenient.
You don’t have all their toys.
Because you aren’t at home with the regular household stuff to distract you, you have time to realize how dang tired you really are.

My kids are 6 and 9 and it gets easier. They get up and watch videos on their iPads and get themselves breakfast.