Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?

[Anonymous]

What everyone else has said - it’s completely exhausting when they’re that little.

I do think finding vacation spots that are well-suited to really young kids can help a bit. That could mean a resort/cruise with childcare, or a gentler beach location (e.g., bay rather than ocean), or a location with lots of easy things to engage a kid that age. Think of places and activities you and your partner enjoy and find the ones that would be least taxing for a very young child.

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking of them as "vacations" and instead think of them as "trips". Re-set your brain and your expectations will follow.

[Anonymous]

Bring a baby splash pool to the beach and fill it w toys. Anything that gets you 20 min quiet time is a big win at this age. Enjoy the nap. 3 is better except no nap.

By around 5, mine could play independently at the beach for hours with their cousins. It’s a whole new world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.

Op here. Yes I know this. This is exactly my point, it’s even MORE effort on vacation. So why would we even go on vacation to be more tired? Do we just not take any vacations till kids are all 6+ or so?

I mean, like, maybe? I don’t go anywhere with my kids, maybe to see family. Until recently, that was vacation.

I think of it as a hedonic treadmill thing. I just don’t do it. Granted, I’m also not financially able to shell out thousands either, but day trips are plenty for us. I prefer them.

[Anonymous]

A week at the beach with a 2 year old sounds like a punishment to the mom, absolutely no. It’s hot, sticky, sand gets everywhere and you are three minutes away from drowning. Why would anyone want this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.

Op here. Yes I know this. This is exactly my point, it’s even MORE effort on vacation. So why would we even go on vacation to be more tired? Do we just not take any vacations till kids are all 6+ or so?

I mean, like, maybe? I don’t go anywhere with my kids, maybe to see family. Until recently, that was vacation.

I think of it as a hedonic treadmill thing. I just don’t do it. Granted, I’m also not financially able to shell out thousands either, but day trips are plenty for us. I prefer them.

NP here. The key to us having fun on vacations with small kids was bringing a nanny. We'd sleep in, then eat breakfast while they ate a snack (they ate breakfast at their regular time), then all go for a morning activity, eat lunch together, nanny would take them back for a nap, DH and I would go explore or do something fun, then sit with them for their dinner and read books, put them to bed, and nanny stayed with them while they slept and we went out to dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are we doing wrong? Rented a house by the beach with 2 year old and it just feels more tiring than staying home. He is up at 6am everyday as he always is, but because it’s a new environment he’s even more excited to ready to start the day immediately than usual. It’s 830 and we’ve Already had breakfast, read books, and gone to a nearby playground. Is the only solution to bring a travel nanny for some respite? Grandparents are also here but they are 0 help.

That's what you're doing wrong. That's not a vacation, that's "mom assuming all household chores in closer proximity to ocean" like that old Onion article says. If you want to relax and have adult time with your spouse, go to a full service resort with a kids club.

[Anonymous]

I would never trust anyone but my husband or me with a toddler near water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and btw I assume the travel nanny comment was semi-sarcastic but you can totally bring a nanny or regular babysitter if you have one. My DH and I have discussed doing this several times and the logistics just never worked out quite right but we'd definitely consider it. Just remember that the pay can be tricky (like a traveling per-diem employee, their travel time counts as "work" in many cases), so agree on a rate/amount beforehand.

I am a SAHM and we don’t have a nanny. The only time I really wish we had one is on vacations like this, not sarcastic at all. I love being the full time caregiver my for kids on weekdays and most weekends but vacations is a different story because I feel like that’s my off time. But of course parents don’t get off days!

If you are saving money on childcare by being a SAHM I feel like it's fair for 1) your DH to take the lead on parenting while you travel and/or 2) occasionally splurge on either a babysitter/nanny for trips or take trips without your kid sometimes. If you don't have family who can help with an occasional weekend away that feels like a genuine vacation, build a relationship with a nanny or sitter and have them start doing regular date nights to bond with your kid, then you can use them for it.

Parents totally get off days. You just have to budget for them.

SOME parents get days off. They do if they have the budget for it. Most people don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and btw I assume the travel nanny comment was semi-sarcastic but you can totally bring a nanny or regular babysitter if you have one. My DH and I have discussed doing this several times and the logistics just never worked out quite right but we'd definitely consider it. Just remember that the pay can be tricky (like a traveling per-diem employee, their travel time counts as "work" in many cases), so agree on a rate/amount beforehand.

I am a SAHM and we don’t have a nanny. The only time I really wish we had one is on vacations like this, not sarcastic at all. I love being the full time caregiver my for kids on weekdays and most weekends but vacations is a different story because I feel like that’s my off time. But of course parents don’t get off days!

If you are saving money on childcare by being a SAHM I feel like it's fair for 1) your DH to take the lead on parenting while you travel and/or 2) occasionally splurge on either a babysitter/nanny for trips or take trips without your kid sometimes. If you don't have family who can help with an occasional weekend away that feels like a genuine vacation, build a relationship with a nanny or sitter and have them start doing regular date nights to bond with your kid, then you can use them for it.

Parents totally get off days. You just have to budget for them.

SOME parents get days off. They do if they have the budget for it. Most people don't.

Better to not go on a vacation then. Hire a sitter at home and at least have a few days to do stuff around your home that you enjoy with a child.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel this way at all, tbh. But I imagine if you go into it thinking it’s going to be a beach trip like those in your 20’s, it’s going to be disappointing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel this way at all, tbh. But I imagine if you go into it thinking it’s going to be a beach trip like those in your 20’s, it’s going to be disappointing

Well yeah. For some of us, it’s difficult to accept how our QOL has decreased and how little fun we have because we have kids.

[Anonymous]

Wow. OP- it sounds like you don't take care of your kid FT at home. I'm a single mom and I was just so happy to be anywhere else that I didn't care that I was tired. I was already tired but now at least I was tired in a pretty place.

My mom paid for us to go to the beach for a few days every year. It was so nice. I guess I didn't have any expectations that I was going on a vacation. It was just a change of scenery and it was only me so there was no expectation that anyone was going to be there to help me. My kid was the Energizer Bunny from 6am on. We'd go for beach walks after breakfast before it was hot. Early lunch and nap for both of us (since there was minimal housework to do except throw in a load of laundry). After that, we went back to the beach as people were leaving. After dinner, we might go back to the beach to watch people fly kites.

I actually thought it was easier since I only had my kid. My job was a nanny caring for my child and another child so I cut my work in half those few days. If I had the money, I'd go on a real vacation for a few days sans kid. It will give you something to look forward to. My little one is 18 and we still go to the beach. Now he sits next to me and we fall asleep in our chairs. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.

Op here. Yes I know this. This is exactly my point, it’s even MORE effort on vacation. So why would we even go on vacation to be more tired? Do we just not take any vacations till kids are all 6+ or so?

I mean, like, maybe? I don’t go anywhere with my kids, maybe to see family. Until recently, that was vacation.

I think of it as a hedonic treadmill thing. I just don’t do it. Granted, I’m also not financially able to shell out thousands either, but day trips are plenty for us. I prefer them.

NP here. The key to us having fun on vacations with small kids was bringing a nanny. We'd sleep in, then eat breakfast while they ate a snack (they ate breakfast at their regular time), then all go for a morning activity, eat lunch together, nanny would take them back for a nap, DH and I would go explore or do something fun, then sit with them for their dinner and read books, put them to bed, and nanny stayed with them while they slept and we went out to dinner.

And that is for the wealthy. OP, that’s what you’re doing wrong.

[Anonymous]

We have a nanny at home (both work FT) but never bring one on vacations. At that age, it meant toughing it out like you are. Or beach vacation, but at a hotel with a kitchen, not a rented house. That way at least some of the chores are getting done by someone else.