Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are we doing wrong? Rented a house by the beach with 2 year old and it just feels more tiring than staying home. He is up at 6am everyday as he always is, but because it’s a new environment he’s even more excited to ready to start the day immediately than usual. It’s 830 and we’ve Already had breakfast, read books, and gone to a nearby playground. Is the only solution to bring a travel nanny for some respite? Grandparents are also here but they are 0 help.

That's what you're doing wrong. That's not a vacation, that's "mom assuming all household chores in closer proximity to ocean" like that old Onion article says. If you want to relax and have adult time with your spouse, go to a full service resort with a kids club.

When we were little we also did the beach. Five kids. Back then sheets weren’t included so my mother had to bring a suitcase full of sheets along with clothes and when it was time to go home a suitcase full of dirty sheets and another full of dirty clothes.

If that overwhelms you then definitely a full service resort.

[Anonymous]

Two is a hard age in general and harder still at a house where you have to watch them extra close. We liked it better if we went places with lots to do and not beach: kid museums, playgrounds, cities with adult stuff to do. Much better:

[Anonymous]

I think I've done several AMAs on here, but we are avid home exchangers and it's great! We exchange with families that have similarly aged kids and my kids LIVE FOR rolling up to a new house full of toys, bikes, games, etc. It is so enjoyable for us because they ravage through toys, art supplies, etc while we sit and have our morning coffee or after dinner drink. We also get to travel super light because based on our kids' ages all houses we've stayed in have cribs, monitors, beach toys, floats, strollers, baby carriers, kids meds, bandaids, all the things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We plan very active vacations with this age (kids are 4 and 2) because we know we will not be relaxing anyway. So we pick somewhere we have wanted to go/see and we do hikes, sightseeing, museums, etc etc. For out most recent trip we would do one very active AM activity, come back to Airbnb for nap, then do a lower key PM activity but still out and about. This worked out really well and the kids were exhausted by bedtime so we could sit on the porch, do the hot tub, have a drink, etc.

This is the answer. We’ve done two trips so far this year with our 2 year old: one roadtrip with lots of hiking through a few national parks out west and another lake house rental where we did basically nothing. The lake rental was infinitely more stressful. The house wasn’t babyproofed, so we basically spent every minute watching him. The hiking trip certainly wasn’t relaxing in the sense that we were up early and very active, but it was restorative.

[Anonymous]

My kids are older (5 and 8) and we just got back from a sightseeing trip where they had plenty of complaints and meltdowns and fun times. they say it was an amazing trip and want to know where we are going on our next vacation (ha!)
As others have said, I consider it parenting in a different location. The vacation part for me is being completely unplugged from work. The planning, packing, day to details of trips can be a lot. It’s much much harder with really little kids though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are we doing wrong? Rented a house by the beach with 2 year old and it just feels more tiring than staying home. He is up at 6am everyday as he always is, but because it’s a new environment he’s even more excited to ready to start the day immediately than usual. It’s 830 and we’ve Already had breakfast, read books, and gone to a nearby playground. Is the only solution to bring a travel nanny for some respite? Grandparents are also here but they are 0 help.

Did you forget to tell grandparents that the only reason they were invited was to babysit, clean, and cook? Next time you should make this perfectly clear..

Your children are your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding: Other good solutions - helpful relatives (SIL and one set of grandparents in particular), relatives (or friends) with kids the same age they can play with, babysitters (through hotels or local nanny agency), kids' clubs at resorts.

Why do you think it is acceptable to expect relatives to take care of your children? Unless you are paying for all of my trip. I only take care of myself. If you want childcare, bring a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.

Op here. Yes I know this. This is exactly my point, it’s even MORE effort on vacation. So why would we even go on vacation to be more tired? Do we just not take any vacations till kids are all 6+ or so?

We took our kids on vacation as babies and every year after. We had fun because we could focus 100% on the kids and not work. We didn’t invite grandparents. It’s as fun as you make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP- it sounds like you don't take care of your kid FT at home. I'm a single mom and I was just so happy to be anywhere else that I didn't care that I was tired. I was already tired but now at least I was tired in a pretty place.

My mom paid for us to go to the beach for a few days every year. It was so nice. I guess I didn't have any expectations that I was going on a vacation. It was just a change of scenery and it was only me so there was no expectation that anyone was going to be there to help me. My kid was the Energizer Bunny from 6am on. We'd go for beach walks after breakfast before it was hot. Early lunch and nap for both of us (since there was minimal housework to do except throw in a load of laundry). After that, we went back to the beach as people were leaving. After dinner, we might go back to the beach to watch people fly kites.

I actually thought it was easier since I only had my kid. My job was a nanny caring for my child and another child so I cut my work in half those few days. If I had the money, I'd go on a real vacation for a few days sans kid. It will give you something to look forward to. My little one is 18 and we still go to the beach. Now he sits next to me and we fall asleep in our chairs. Lol.

I am a full time SAHM. I don’t know where you got the impression I don’t care for my kids full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and btw I assume the travel nanny comment was semi-sarcastic but you can totally bring a nanny or regular babysitter if you have one. My DH and I have discussed doing this several times and the logistics just never worked out quite right but we'd definitely consider it. Just remember that the pay can be tricky (like a traveling per-diem employee, their travel time counts as "work" in many cases), so agree on a rate/amount beforehand.

I am a SAHM and we don’t have a nanny. The only time I really wish we had one is on vacations like this, not sarcastic at all. I love being the full time caregiver my for kids on weekdays and most weekends but vacations is a different story because I feel like that’s my off time. But of course parents don’t get off days!

If you are saving money on childcare by being a SAHM I feel like it's fair for 1) your DH to take the lead on parenting while you travel and/or 2) occasionally splurge on either a babysitter/nanny for trips or take trips without your kid sometimes. If you don't have family who can help with an occasional weekend away that feels like a genuine vacation, build a relationship with a nanny or sitter and have them start doing regular date nights to bond with your kid, then you can use them for it.

Parents totally get off days. You just have to budget for them.

SAHM’s don’t “save money” on childcare. I am one. And I am basically the most expensive nanny ever because we gave up my entire salary so that is what our childcare costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we only go to all inclusives with baby/kids club. This is essential. I’m not cooking/cleaning and the older one has built in fun and kids to socialize with and baby has safe childcare and we get half the day to ourselves

Signed mom of 6.5 and 18 month old.

It really varies by child. Mine hated kids clubs but were always excellent sleepers. So we needed condos where they could have their own rooms and they would take their usual awesome naps and be down for the night 7p-7am. That was not possible in a hotel room or cruise room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP- it sounds like you don't take care of your kid FT at home. I'm a single mom and I was just so happy to be anywhere else that I didn't care that I was tired. I was already tired but now at least I was tired in a pretty place.

My mom paid for us to go to the beach for a few days every year. It was so nice. I guess I didn't have any expectations that I was going on a vacation. It was just a change of scenery and it was only me so there was no expectation that anyone was going to be there to help me. My kid was the Energizer Bunny from 6am on. We'd go for beach walks after breakfast before it was hot. Early lunch and nap for both of us (since there was minimal housework to do except throw in a load of laundry). After that, we went back to the beach as people were leaving. After dinner, we might go back to the beach to watch people fly kites.

I actually thought it was easier since I only had my kid. My job was a nanny caring for my child and another child so I cut my work in half those few days. If I had the money, I'd go on a real vacation for a few days sans kid. It will give you something to look forward to. My little one is 18 and we still go to the beach. Now he sits next to me and we fall asleep in our chairs. Lol.

I am a full time SAHM. I don’t know where you got the impression I don’t care for my kids full time.

Your post makes it seem like you don't spend your days with your child. That's why I asked. Some people see their kids for an hour or two a day and when they have to spend the entire day with them, they sound like your post. It exhausts them to do so.

[Anonymous]

I travel every year with my siblings, their kids, and my mom. The kids entertain each other, and each set of parents chips in with the childcare so we all get a nice break. Modern parenting in nuclear family isolation is not the norm historically, and when you spend a week with extended family you realize how much more easier the old way of doing things is. You can have one person make the same breakfast or lunch for 8 kids instead of 3 moms separately feeding their own kids. Parents are also freed from the job of entertaining kids which really was never meant to be their job.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t need to be miserable. The first time I went to the beach as a parent (my kid was around 1), I remember thinking this was the most fun I’d ever had at the beach as an adult, because my toddler loved it so much. Watching him run around on the sand, etc was so nice. Yes, of course he required all the care and supervision he normally did, but I wasn’t expecting to get to relax.
We never stopped traveling when our kids were born— we just adjusted expectations and brought them along. We took toddlers to NYC, Philly, Italy, on a cruise, the beach, etc. Never had a nanny or anything. All great trips with yes, some tough moments, but very much worth it.

[Anonymous]

We've traveled a good amount with our kids even when they were young. I do think you have to be .ore thoughtful in your approach when you travel with kids. Really take the time to think about the type of vacation you want and balance it with the temperament of your kids and what help you might need. For some people that's an all-inclusive and for others that's a vacation in a city. I would only do a beach house if we were traveling with multiple families that we wanted to spend time with. Then you are sharing the responsibilities with multiple adults and are able to hang out when the kids go to bed (which mine did at 7 at that age). My DH and I also make sure we each get breaks from childcare duty to do things we really like to do so it can feel like a vacation.

My sibling just invited us to spend winter break in a beautiful destination where they paid for a huge house rental. Sounds great? Nope. It requires a 3 hr time change for my kids and they will have to share a room with their cousins who are very temperamental which means they won't sleep well. My SIL goes to bed early so there's not much hanging out post bedtime and I wouldnt have the option of hiring a babysitter for an evening so my.husband and I could really enjoy an evening out. So this free vacation is one I'm not doing. Instead we're paying to go to the Caribbean to a 5 star resort with a kids club. I know that will work better for my family.