Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Because parents have unrealistic expectations. I'm not judging you - I was the same. When you learn to reset your expectations it gets a little better. But frankly, we just didn't travel very much until the youngest was about 4.

People on this site talk about taking toddlers and preschoolers to europe and hawaii and it going swimmingly and I honestly just think they are completely mad. I wouldn't do that if you PAID ME.


I've taken my preschooler to these places and it went okay enough that we mentally blocked out the rough parts.


+1, we did some bigger trips like that between 1 and 5 and it was ok. We had reasonable expectations and made sure to build in things that were genuinely fun fir DC (like going to Paris but spending a day at Disney, or going to the Caribbean but choosing a resort with genuinely good kids club and activities).

However, I will say that things get better around age 6. We still plan vacations very much with our kid’s preferences in mind (both fun activities but also making sure we are never asking too much in terms of endurance or more adult activities like museums), but once you are done with naps and potty training, and your kid develops some emotional regulation and a little resilience, you regain some of that feeling of being able to relax. Oh, and once they can read on their own (and ideally enjoy it) it opens a lot of doors.

I don’t regret any of that earlier travel because I think it sets them up to be good travelers as they age. They learn how to deal with new environments and adapt, and to understand the rewards of trying something new. My kid LOVES to travel and that makes it even better than if we were doing it on our own.
Anonymous
There are no vacations with small kids. Only trips where you get to do the chores in a new place!
Anonymous
Resorts with kids clubs are your friend.
Anonymous
Reminds me of that Onion article “Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean”
Anonymous
What everyone is saying is true, though we've had enjoyable trips at these young ages - a few key things that I think improved our trips:
--a really good home base spot that feels relaxing just being there (has a good view, safe, easy area for kids to run and play). If you have to leave the house for everything it is such a slog at that age because really they are too young to be out all day.
--When possible, an all inclusive meal place - we've done family camp, an all inclusive resort, etc. - not having to think about feeding your children at every turn makes it feel more like a vacation!
--make the early mornings special for both of you - when my kids get up early on vacation I leave the house with them. Sunrise on the beach with your toddler - so special. Sunrise at Glacier National Park, the best. it makes it feel like you're getting something out of this whole early morning thing!
--Obviously if possible helpful grandparents or family!! (i know you said the ones with you now are not helpful, I'm sorry) But we have also traveled with friends with kids of similar ages. Even if you are double number of kids, double number of adults still seems to help a lot.

We've done beach at these ages, but definitely not our main form of vacation in the early years unless we had helpful grandparents there. Just too much lugging, and sunscreening, and hot, sticky, mess running after a toddler on the beach. A day trip to a MD beach can be nice at that age and then a different week long vacay.

And like others have said, it gets SO MUCH BETTER. When our youngest was 2 and oldest 5 we started doing some bigger trips and travel from 4+ is a dream, and once you have an older one, somehow the 2 year old seems manageable! Then once they are all 4+ it is so fun.

Also, basically the trips are for the memories, to get yourself out of your routine, and switch up the monotony of parenting than they are for relaxing so like others have said it is a mindset.
Anonymous
We plan very active vacations with this age (kids are 4 and 2) because we know we will not be relaxing anyway. So we pick somewhere we have wanted to go/see and we do hikes, sightseeing, museums, etc etc. For out most recent trip we would do one very active AM activity, come back to Airbnb for nap, then do a lower key PM activity but still out and about. This worked out really well and the kids were exhausted by bedtime so we could sit on the porch, do the hot tub, have a drink, etc.
Anonymous
I will add this here - good for a laugh

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/vacation-or-tr...or-parents_b_7789310
Anonymous
It's the grandparents. They add to more stress and less help.

Go on vacations to places where it's all inclusive and there are kids clubs. Kids LOVE it and parents can nap in the middle of the day at the beach.

I absolutely refuse to vacation at "houses". I do not want to cook or clean on vacation. Hotels are much better!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Resorts with kids clubs are your friend.


+1. I was going to say this. Toddler age might be a little young, but once they are preschool aged they can go to a resort kids' club. It's more expensive than a regular beach vacation, but that's the only way you'll get some relaxing time.
Anonymous
Its hard until about 4 unless you have very helpful grandparents. We did an extended family trip last year to a beachside house with a pool. My parents, my fam and siblings fam. 4 kids from 2-7 (all girls). It was lovely. Because we ate nearly every meal at home and adults hung out while kids ate and then played nearby. Each couple could do a with kid or without kids mini adventure at least once during the trip. Grandparents entertained the kids at home or on the beach or hung out at the house with napping kids while we did something with the bigger ones or just went swimming with our spouses for an hour. Each couple traded off making dinner for everyone. We also put all the kids to bed at 8 and then hung out on the balcony chatting.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:What everyone is saying is true, though we've had enjoyable trips at these young ages - a few key things that I think improved our trips:
--a really good home base spot that feels relaxing just being there (has a good view, safe, easy area for kids to run and play). If you have to leave the house for everything it is such a slog at that age because really they are too young to be out all day.
--When possible, an all inclusive meal place - we've done family camp, an all inclusive resort, etc. - not having to think about feeding your children at every turn makes it feel more like a vacation!
--make the early mornings special for both of you - when my kids get up early on vacation I leave the house with them. Sunrise on the beach with your toddler - so special. Sunrise at Glacier National Park, the best. it makes it feel like you're getting something out of this whole early morning thing!
--Obviously if possible helpful grandparents or family!! (i know you said the ones with you now are not helpful, I'm sorry) But we have also traveled with friends with kids of similar ages. Even if you are double number of kids, double number of adults still seems to help a lot.

We've done beach at these ages, but definitely not our main form of vacation in the early years unless we had helpful grandparents there. Just too much lugging, and sunscreening, and hot, sticky, mess running after a toddler on the beach. A day trip to a MD beach can be nice at that age and then a different week long vacay.

And like others have said, it gets SO MUCH BETTER. When our youngest was 2 and oldest 5 we started doing some bigger trips and travel from 4+ is a dream, and once you have an older one, somehow the 2 year old seems manageable! Then once they are all 4+ it is so fun.

Also, basically the trips are for the memories, to get yourself out of your routine, and switch up the monotony of parenting than they are for relaxing so like others have said it is a mindset.


+1 to the bolded. We did a beach vacation with friends when my kid was 18 mo old, and we were the only ones with a kid that young. We wound up just getting up with her, eating breakfast, and heading to the beach at like 7am. It was empty. I’d put a beach chair right down by the water and DD and I would watch the sun come up while the waves rolled up and over our legs. We sand songs and snuggled. It is a magical memory.

Then we’s stay on the beach until about 10am, which gave us about an hour with our friends once they came down (and we’re grateful we had a spot all set up). Then we’d go up for naps and lunch, and then some kind of outing in the afternoon. All that felt more stressful and more like regular life. But those early mornings on an empty beach? Worth it.
Anonymous
Vacations with toddlers are tough. I found the lack of baby proofing in hotel rooms to be more stressful and exhausting than being at home.

It gets SO much better when they get older.

For now I’d say stick with staycations. Pool in morning, nap, then maybe playground or kid-friendly museum.

Use the cash saved on babysitting and do more date nights.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to reset your expectations. You’re expecting a different level of effort and relaxation than at home which is unreasonable with a two year old. A two year old is not capable of realizing they are in relaxing place. If anything, the change of scenery and routine is a difficult adjustment for them.


Op here. Yes I know this. This is exactly my point, it’s even MORE effort on vacation. So why would we even go on vacation to be more tired? Do we just not take any vacations till kids are all 6+ or so?


No you embrace it. It’s fun to see your child explore different places and get different experiences. Every single thing is new and exciting to them. But you adjust expectations. You are going to be tired.

For me, the worst was restaurants. So we either travel off season to avoid the worst of the crowds, order in or make things like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the hotel room.
Anonymous
We didn't go on any family vacation - other than visits to stay with the grandparents - until our kids were 3 and 5. Traveling before that was too much of a hassle: packing diapers and wipes, stroller(s), sleeping arrangements, naps.

We just went on our first real family vacation this summer just the four of us and it was lovely. Our kids could share a hotel bed (with extra pillows tucked on the sides under the sheet to act as bumpers) and adjusted more easily to being in a different place. We made sure to have different activities to do each day: We visited a couple of farms one day, an easy hike another day, shopping a local downtown the next day. Plus a playground each day. And we had backup options for indoor play in case the weather was bad (a museum, hotel pool time, etc). We found that 1-2 structured activities a day gave us enough downtime for our kid to recharge without getting bored. Recharging didn't always mean going back to our hotel - sometimes we just stopped for a longer sit-down lunch or had quiet time in the car between activities.

I promise, it gets easier. Give it a couple more years. In the meantime, maybe your parents could watch the kids for a long weekend while you and your spouse take a short vacation for yourselves?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Vacations with toddlers are tough. I found the lack of baby proofing in hotel rooms to be more stressful and exhausting than being at home.

It gets SO much better when they get older.

For now I’d say stick with staycations. Pool in morning, nap, then maybe playground or kid-friendly museum.

Use the cash saved on babysitting and do more date nights.


It does get so much easier when they get older, but I personally think vacations/trips with little kids is a little bit of the "tired but happy." I expect to be tired, but for me at least, I need to get out of our regular routine sometimes to bring some extra sparks of joy to parenting. Sure it also brings sparks of exhaustion and maybe a crazy vomit story here and there, but it also brings a lot of excitement and new things. We do staycation like things too, but packing up and going somewhere totally new breaks up the monotony in a way that is ultimately really helpful to me and worth it.
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