Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.

So, if your ten-year old child is invited to a friend's birthday party then you send a check to mother of birthday child? This is Twilight Zone weird.

[Anonymous]

People getting married in their 30’s don’t need you to buy them towel sets or dishes. They probably have plenty of items, but not much savings to buy a house or get ready for a kid.

We only wanted cash. We didn’t say it outright but didn’t provide a registry unless explicitly asked (and the registry had plenty of giftcards on it on top of the physical items). Only the guests over 60 asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People getting married in their 30’s don’t need you to buy them towel sets or dishes. They probably have plenty of items, but not much savings to buy a house or get ready for a kid.

We only wanted cash. We didn’t say it outright but didn’t provide a registry unless explicitly asked (and the registry had plenty of giftcards on it on top of the physical items). Only the guests over 60 asked for it.

PP, and to add to this, when we got married we lived in a tiny one bedroom with zero closet space. We literally could not fit anything more than we had. We did, however, need savings for a downpayment and for IVF. Luckily 90%+ of our guests understood that! We were of course grateful to everyone who bought physical gifts too, it’s just a bit out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

You have to look for a registry; people look because they want to get the couple something.

If you go to the website to learn about the wedding ceremony and reception and any other associated festivities, it feels icky to find the happy couple there with their hands out

As opposed to the link for their Williams Sonoma registry???

Nope, that's bad, too.

No "Give us this" info in the invitation, ever. Bleagh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.

So, if your ten-year old child is invited to a friend's birthday party then you send a check to mother of birthday child? This is Twilight Zone weird.

Are 10 yr olds getting married in your circles, you moron?

This thread is about gifts for weddings, you weirdo! And in my culture, relatives and close friends give generous cash gifts on the occasion of the weddings of the offsprings of relatives and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.

So, if your ten-year old child is invited to a friend's birthday party then you send a check to mother of birthday child? This is Twilight Zone weird.

Are 10 yr olds getting married in your circles, you moron?

This thread is about gifts for weddings, you weirdo! And in my culture, relatives and close friends give generous cash gifts on the occasion of the weddings of the offsprings of relatives and friends.

And - parents pay for the wedding, so the cash gifts from relatives goes to the parents to offset the cost of the wedding somewhat.

[Anonymous]

Agree it's common. And also I hate it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s great. I’d much rather give $ towards something the couple needs or wants (remodel kitchen, honeymoon, etc.) than stuff off a registry. This wasn’t an acceptable ask when I was younger and my friends were getting married, but I think it makes sense and is a welcome change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave away so much of my gifts from the registry - new in boxes. Would you prefer that?

Not OP, but yes. That was your choice. Explicitly asking for money in your 30s or 40s is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you literally don’t need ANY stuff to set up your home together have a no-gift wedding. SMH

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that registries are for showers and you should bring a check to the wedding. Are you seriously going to bring a gift to the wedding that the couple has to figure out how to get home?

What? Are you from another planet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better money than a gravy boat no one will ever use.

You control that when you make your registry.

[Anonymous]

My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.

I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.

The vacation is part of the new life together!

Cool. Then pay for it yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.

However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs.

I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend.

This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them.

If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt.

You’re so classy.