Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.

I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave away so much of my gifts from the registry - new in boxes. Would you prefer that?

That's on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave away so much of my gifts from the registry - new in boxes. Would you prefer that?

Then why on earth did you register for stuff you didn’t want?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the same, but I think it’s because I’m old. It’s pretty common nowadays. Distasteful to me personally, but common.

I have the same reaction, even though I know it's widely accepted these days.

I think that what bothers me is that I'm being asked to fund the couple's luxury vacation vs. getting suggestions for items to purchase to help them set up their new home. (That's ultimately what wedding gifts were/are about, traditionally.) I'm happy to contribute to your new life together but your vacation, not so much.

I think that's why I have a visceral negative reaction to this.

I could understand this feeling, but in my experience mid-30s professionals getting married for the first time that make registries use it as an opportunity to upgrade all their utilitarian stuff for the fancy versions anyway. So money towards an excursion on their honeymoon vs buying them a 7 qt Le Crueset in the preferred color seems like a wash. They don't really *need* either gift, but I'm not going to show up empty handed so here we are!

[Anonymous]

Registry is important because no one wants 50 different styles of plate and fork.

Anti-registry or "honeymoon fund" is an extension of the same idea.

Give whatever you want, or don't. But don't make their wedding about you.
Better to give a gift they'll appreciate than expensive waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

You have to look for a registry; people look because they want to get the couple something.

If you go to the website to learn about the wedding ceremony and reception and any other associated festivities, it feels icky to find the happy couple there with their hands out

[Anonymous]

Op, how about you nothing or make a donation to a charity --- but not be so obnoxious. If you think so little of this couple, it's a shame they mistakenly felt close enough to you to want you there.

[Anonymous]

I’m a millennial and I find this very rude. It’s presumptuous no matter your age.

[Anonymous]

I hate the request too. I agree it's tacky. I'd still go to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

If you literally don’t need ANY stuff to set up your home together have a no-gift wedding. SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to the wedding of my husband’a cousin in a few months. Declined invitation to bridal shower, the invitation for which included an ask for monetary gifts. On their wedding website, guests are asked to make a monetary contribution in lieu of gifts. I am very turned off by this - they are both in their thirties, work full-time, and seem to be doing just fine financially. The ask makes me not want to give them anything at all. I find this beyond gauche. Am I being unreasonable in being turned off?

I Think it is their way of saying, "we have a full house of stuff and don't need anymore. Please send cash instead."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to the wedding of my husband’a cousin in a few months. Declined invitation to bridal shower, the invitation for which included an ask for monetary gifts. On their wedding website, guests are asked to make a monetary contribution in lieu of gifts. I am very turned off by this - they are both in their thirties, work full-time, and seem to be doing just fine financially. The ask makes me not want to give them anything at all. I find this beyond gauche. Am I being unreasonable in being turned off?

I Think it is their way of saying, "we have a full house of stuff and don't need anymore. Please send cash instead."

They should say nothing about gifts. People can interpret the not registering and also not saying anything about gifts either as: a) don’t need to get us anything! B) hopefully you’ll just give us cash since there’s no registry or c) we trust you to think of your own gift ideas: a vase from a local potter, a wine of the month subscription, etc we know our friends/family want to give us something and surely they know us well enough to think of what to give

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

It’s not gauche to create a registry and only let people know about it if they specifically ask. It’s gauche to include a request for a specific gift in the invitation regardless of whether it’s registry information or a request for cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to the wedding of my husband’a cousin in a few months. Declined invitation to bridal shower, the invitation for which included an ask for monetary gifts. On their wedding website, guests are asked to make a monetary contribution in lieu of gifts. I am very turned off by this - they are both in their thirties, work full-time, and seem to be doing just fine financially. The ask makes me not want to give them anything at all. I find this beyond gauche. Am I being unreasonable in being turned off?

I would give them $100.00 in pennies suspended in a large jar of honey.

[Anonymous]

I think it is tacky, but it is common these days. However, I have always given cash for wedding gifts anyway. I still attend and give whatever I normally would. I don’t find it that a big of a deal in the grand scheme.