Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married

[Anonymous]

Second part of this issue is seeing how fast the checks get cashed. Before the honeymoon (tacky) or after (classier)?

[Anonymous]

In my experience the people who hate the cash registries the most also tend to think of themselves as supreme bargain hunters. They routinely give people some chintzy piece of crap from Homegoods or similar and are convinced themselves that it looked expensive or is "actually worth much more" than they spent. So they like it when people want physical gifts, because they can spend $30 and tell themselves the couple will think they spent $150. When it's a cash registry there's no way to camouflage their cheapness.

This tendency correlates to age but is not exclusively a boomer thing. Lularoe types also fall into this "what a steal" mindset about objectively terrible tchotchkes.

[Anonymous]

I always give cash at weddings and gifts at showers.

At my wedding, 95% of our guests gave cash. I had a small wedding registry for my shower and some people bought the few high ticket items I had on there like luggage.

Honeymoon registries are pretty common I think. We went to a second wedding recently and they asked for contribution for their new house. We gave cash. I wasn’t offended or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience the people who hate the cash registries the most also tend to think of themselves as supreme bargain hunters. They routinely give people some chintzy piece of crap from Homegoods or similar and are convinced themselves that it looked expensive or is "actually worth much more" than they spent. So they like it when people want physical gifts, because they can spend $30 and tell themselves the couple will think they spent $150. When it's a cash registry there's no way to camouflage their cheapness.

This tendency correlates to age but is not exclusively a boomer thing. Lularoe types also fall into this "what a steal" mindset about objectively terrible tchotchkes.

I have wealthy family members who do this-anything for a bargain, but they give junk they think looks like the stuff the person registered for. I like a check because I can see it was deposited so I know it was received. I hate being that person after 6 months who just wants to know the gift arrived, but doesn't want them to think I am being a stickler to get my thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

This is every bit as tacky as asking outright for cash. Your "satin cash purse and birdcage" screamed " give me cash."

I also had the birdcage at my New York wedding in 1999. Cash was the typical wedding gift in our family circles -- half Jewish, half Catholic (not Italian though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.

Why though? It's the same $100 or whatever it is you're spending. Shouldn't the gift be about what the receiver wants? It's a gift, after all. My mother is like you - if there's a registry and she doesn't like what's on it, she gets something she likes better. It's so bizarre to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.

My next door neighbors were also invited to a wedding that only allowed for contributions to the luxurious Maldives honeymoon.
The bride and groom and their family live in a poor part of Maryland. My next door neighbor's husband is the CEO of a company. She thought this was incredibly tacky and she said she and her husband could not afford to go to the Maldives nor could most of the wedding guests. The next door neighbor bought a physical gift and card. She wrapped it and delivered it to the bride in advance.

Good for her and exactly what I would do.

Hopefully the two of you include a gift receipt so they can take your dumb gift back and get cash. There's literally zero reason to be so self righteous and give a physical gift when you can give cash, which is what they need, instead. Did you get an award or the parade you wanted?

It's weird how the defenders of cash gifts are so unconcerned about how bad they're making their side look. But then, the shakedown couples don't seem to care how bad they look, either.

Just to piss you off more, I did not have a registry or ask for cash. I got married in my 30s. Why bother buying me kitchen crap that I already have or don’t want instead of just giving cash so I can actually use your gift that you worked so hard for and so graciously gave me? You’d rather me just give it away? Again your self righteousness about this is so asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second part of this issue is seeing how fast the checks get cashed. Before the honeymoon (tacky) or after (classier)?

You actually track this? That’s not classy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.

Why though? It's the same $100 or whatever it is you're spending. Shouldn't the gift be about what the receiver wants? It's a gift, after all. My mother is like you - if there's a registry and she doesn't like what's on it, she gets something she likes better. It's so bizarre to me.

It's bizarre to me that people think it's OK to send the message that they absolutely expect you to shell out in honor of their marriage but that nothing you can afford is good enough for them, so just give us some money, honored guest!

It's bizarre to me that the same people who declare that they are fully independent adults who don't need you to buy them dishes do need you to pay for their honeymoon or kitchen remodel. But they have enough money for a wedding. I fear for them and their inability to budget.

It's bizarre to me that you and I have the same mother. BTW, we've got a brother who also needs to like something on the registry before he'll buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always give cash at weddings and gifts at showers.

At my wedding, 95% of our guests gave cash. I had a small wedding registry for my shower and some people bought the few high ticket items I had on there like luggage.

Honeymoon registries are pretty common I think. We went to a second wedding recently and they asked for contribution for their new house. We gave cash. I wasn’t offended or anything.

This is tacky af, but common in certain circles in the NE like for people from Long Island. You’re essentially paying to attend a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.

My next door neighbors were also invited to a wedding that only allowed for contributions to the luxurious Maldives honeymoon.
The bride and groom and their family live in a poor part of Maryland. My next door neighbor's husband is the CEO of a company. She thought this was incredibly tacky and she said she and her husband could not afford to go to the Maldives nor could most of the wedding guests. The next door neighbor bought a physical gift and card. She wrapped it and delivered it to the bride in advance.

Good for her and exactly what I would do.

Hopefully the two of you include a gift receipt so they can take your dumb gift back and get cash. There's literally zero reason to be so self righteous and give a physical gift when you can give cash, which is what they need, instead. Did you get an award or the parade you wanted?

It's weird how the defenders of cash gifts are so unconcerned about how bad they're making their side look. But then, the shakedown couples don't seem to care how bad they look, either.

Just to piss you off more, I did not have a registry or ask for cash. I got married in my 30s. Why bother buying me kitchen crap that I already have or don’t want instead of just giving cash so I can actually use your gift that you worked so hard for and so graciously gave me? You’d rather me just give it away? Again your self righteousness about this is so asinine.

Because the point of a gift isn’t to give something that’s the most needed and practical item ever. It’s a gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.

Why though? It's the same $100 or whatever it is your spending. Shouldn't the gift be about what the receiver wants? It's a gift, after all. My mother is like you - if there's a registry and she doesn't like what's on it, she gets something she likes better. It's so bizarre to me.

No. This is one step from simply charging entry to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

This is every bit as tacky as asking outright for cash. Your "satin cash purse and birdcage" screamed " give me cash."

I also had the birdcage at my New York wedding in 1999. Cash was the typical wedding gift in our family circles -- half Jewish, half Catholic (not Italian though).

This is a common practice in the NE. It’s considered incredibly tacky and cringeworthy in other parts of the country. In wealthy circles it’s still considered bad manners to have a family member throw the bride a shower. I think that’s now standard in the NE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.

Why though? It's the same $100 or whatever it is your spending. Shouldn't the gift be about what the receiver wants? It's a gift, after all. My mother is like you - if there's a registry and she doesn't like what's on it, she gets something she likes better. It's so bizarre to me.

No. This is one step from simply charging entry to the wedding.

You are supposed to give a gift for a wedding, even if you don’t go. That is the custom in this country and has been for years and years. People who are offended by this don’t enlightened to me, they sound cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty common now. And how is it any more gauche than a registry?

IMO it just seems over the top - didn’t realize this is standard. I think I would be less turned off if there were a registry - I would truly rather get the couple new kitchen supplies or whatever than just give them a check.

Why though? It's the same $100 or whatever it is your spending. Shouldn't the gift be about what the receiver wants? It's a gift, after all. My mother is like you - if there's a registry and she doesn't like what's on it, she gets something she likes better. It's so bizarre to me.

No. This is one step from simply charging entry to the wedding.

Isn’t expecting gifts off a registry charging entry as well, only it’s items instead of the cash used to purchase the items.