Explicitly asked for money by couple that’s getting married

[Anonymous]

The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

That is awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just write them a check for a hundy and call it a day.

I would do this too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

That is awful.

….or funny!

[Anonymous]

I view this request in the same vein as registries with only expensive items. You shake your head, write a check, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Eh, i think registries are gauche

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

But are you Italian or Jewish? Checks are more common in those cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

That is awful.

….or funny!

This is part of some cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, i think registries are gauche

Me too. I did not have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bad manners part to me is demanding that guests give a gift in a particular way. I think it is fine to indicate your preference through a registry, fund link etc.. but to cross over into a requirement v.s suggestion is what I think is bad manners. Same for people who demand a gift card for birthdays etc..

At my wedding i had to carry a purse for cash gifts that were handed to me and my mom had a decorated antique bird cage for envelopes with checks and we also had a registry - this was back in the late '90s but there was no note to guests anywhere that they had to give at all or in any format

This is every bit as tacky as asking outright for cash. Your "satin cash purse and birdcage" screamed " give me cash."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.

My next door neighbors were also invited to a wedding that only allowed for contributions to the luxurious Maldives honeymoon.
The bride and groom and their family live in a poor part of Maryland. My next door neighbor's husband is the CEO of a company. She thought this was incredibly tacky and she said she and her husband could not afford to go to the Maldives nor could most of the wedding guests. The next door neighbor bought a physical gift and card. She wrapped it and delivered it to the bride in advance.

Good for her and exactly what I would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going to the wedding of my husband’a cousin in a few months. Declined invitation to bridal shower, the invitation for which included an ask for monetary gifts. On their wedding website, guests are asked to make a monetary contribution in lieu of gifts. I am very turned off by this - they are both in their thirties, work full-time, and seem to be doing just fine financially. The ask makes me not want to give them anything at all. I find this beyond gauche. Am I being unreasonable in being turned off?

You're a judgmental, spiteful harpie, since you asked. This is a request, which they need apparently, not a demand. Give the money. Don't. Either way, take your judgment and shove it.

As for "seem to be doing fine financially", if you haven't seen the financials, it's really none of your effing business. And you DON'T know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to the wedding of my husband’a cousin in a few months. Declined invitation to bridal shower, the invitation for which included an ask for monetary gifts. On their wedding website, guests are asked to make a monetary contribution in lieu of gifts. I am very turned off by this - they are both in their thirties, work full-time, and seem to be doing just fine financially. The ask makes me not want to give them anything at all. I find this beyond gauche. Am I being unreasonable in being turned off?

You're a judgmental, spiteful harpie, since you asked. This is a request, which they need apparently, not a demand. Give the money. Don't. Either way, take your judgment and shove it.

As for "seem to be doing fine financially", if you haven't seen the financials, it's really none of your effing business. And you DON'T know.

Whoa...bride, is that you? Take a chill pill. If you're in need of extra money I heard Giant might be hiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.

My next door neighbors were also invited to a wedding that only allowed for contributions to the luxurious Maldives honeymoon.
The bride and groom and their family live in a poor part of Maryland. My next door neighbor's husband is the CEO of a company. She thought this was incredibly tacky and she said she and her husband could not afford to go to the Maldives nor could most of the wedding guests. The next door neighbor bought a physical gift and card. She wrapped it and delivered it to the bride in advance.

Good for her and exactly what I would do.

Hopefully the two of you include a gift receipt so they can take your dumb gift back and get cash. There's literally zero reason to be so self righteous and give a physical gift when you can give cash, which is what they need, instead. Did you get an award or the parade you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece and her fiancé only allowed contributions to their luxurious Maldives honeymoon. The gifts were given during the couples shower. Lol. That’s what the registry was for , the honeymoon was broken down into categories, couples massages, room, dinners, resort credits, etc. I drew the line when my sister started delegating who would purchase what and how much she deemed you could afford to spend. This couple could well afford this honeymoon and then some. I made a charitable donation in their name. My niece still ignores me at family function. IDGAF.

My next door neighbors were also invited to a wedding that only allowed for contributions to the luxurious Maldives honeymoon.
The bride and groom and their family live in a poor part of Maryland. My next door neighbor's husband is the CEO of a company. She thought this was incredibly tacky and she said she and her husband could not afford to go to the Maldives nor could most of the wedding guests. The next door neighbor bought a physical gift and card. She wrapped it and delivered it to the bride in advance.

Good for her and exactly what I would do.

Hopefully the two of you include a gift receipt so they can take your dumb gift back and get cash. There's literally zero reason to be so self righteous and give a physical gift when you can give cash, which is what they need, instead. Did you get an award or the parade you wanted?

It's weird how the defenders of cash gifts are so unconcerned about how bad they're making their side look. But then, the shakedown couples don't seem to care how bad they look, either.