I usually follow my cultural practice of giving a check instead of buying things like towels etc.
However, I do not give the money to the nephew or niece who get married. I make the check out to my sibs or cousins ( parents of the bride or groom) who fund the wedding and write on the memo - on the occasion of xyz’s wedding! The parents can pass on that money to their children or use the money to offset their costs. I always prefer to give money but to the person who is throwing the wedding or who I am closer to. For example, if I am invited to the wedding of a friends offspring, I make out the check to my friend. |
I am fine with giving money. I find buying gifts a waste of time!! |
Easy. People who like to make gifts about them rather than about the recipient can't do that by giving cash. |
This really does seem like the solution. It's her husband's niece -- if he wants to go, he can, and if he wants to give money, he gives an amount that won't hurt the OP & husband budget, and then they're done. |
That is super weird and awkward. |
This is wild and deeply strange. Wedding gifts for people not getting married! |
This is really nasty. No one is asking you to pay for the wedding, you’re just being condescending to the couple…driving home the point that they didn’t pay for their own wedding, like shaming them. If you were invited to my kid’s wedding and did this, I would send your check back and tell you to shove it up your butt. |
Nothing says "welcome to independent adult life" quite like "I gave your mother some money to spend on what she thinks you need". |
There is cultural context here you are missing. In communities that do this, people know that parents are paying for the wedding and often provide gifts to their friends (the parents) to offset the costs. The young couple is usually showered with gifts from their family but the thought is the family would know what’s needed. I agree it feels odd in American culture. |
What country's culture does this? It's odd in any culture let alone those who decide to live in the USA. I never heard of it from anyone who is or their parents were new to the USA. Hah. I can only imagine if I gave parents checks when sibs, nieces, nephews, etc the check. |
As opposed to saying "We are adults now. Please pay our way so we can have things we want but can't actually afford!" ? |
NP, but I'm assuming because of attitudes from older guests like on this thread, that they are willing to spend 200 dollars on a new couple but ONLY if it's for a Le Creuset dutch oven. I also registered for some easily returnable items that I then returned for cash. |
As opposed to the link for their Williams Sonoma registry??? |
You must be over 55. |
Sounds Chinese to me. Wouldn't be that far out of line in the culture I come from, but it would be odd. But the hyperventilation about it I am seeing in the thread is something else. Y'all are going to need to navigate the friction of much, much more severe cultural differences. The borders are open. |