No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find most of the replies you got off OP. I’m more like you though.

1. 7 is firmly drop off age though so if you are still doing parented play dates that’s an issue.

2. When my kids had play dates it was a chance for the kid having the guest to have their friend over and I did something with the other kid to keep them out of the friends’ hair. We did not have them all the time but this was my take.

3. DS had a friend with a mom like most PPs. The friend and his little sister (preschool age, 2-3 years younger than the boys) was ALWAYS glued to his hip. They were a total package deal. I liked the mom and we were neighbors so it was ok-ish but still annoying. Even if we invited him over she would come along too.

7 is not "firmly" drop off in any social context except a very insular community where you are only friends with extended family or people you've known your whole life. Age aside, never heard of anyone dropping off a plus one sibling for a drop off play date unless the host kid was friends with both.

I had this not long ago. Neither of my kids had ever met the sibling. It was fine, my kids went with it. I was mostly surprised the sibling seemed fine with it. Must be how that family rolls. They were both nice sweet kids which is the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

I have an only and I generally offer to host because I know its easier and I'm happy to have just one kid at my house while their siblings do something else with the parents. When my son gets invited to someone else's house (which is rare and I understand why) i always tell him to include the siblings. That's how families usually work. If you're in their house so are the other kids and you have to figure that out.

If meeting up somewhere, I would expect the other parent to bring siblings. I don't think that's odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and I generally offer to host because I know its easier and I'm happy to have just one kid at my house while their siblings do something else with the parents. When my son gets invited to someone else's house (which is rare and I understand why) i always tell him to include the siblings. That's how families usually work. If you're in their house so are the other kids and you have to figure that out.

If meeting up somewhere, I would expect the other parent to bring siblings. I don't think that's odd.

You are wise. This is where OP is going wrong - validating and playing up her only’s “I just want alone time with my friend!” insistence - her kid is almost certainly mean and rude to the other siblings, and that’s why she’s never getting invited over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the youngest of three and I remember loving going over to friends’ houses and playing with their younger siblings. I remember my friends finding their younger siblings annoying and they kept trying to kick them out and I sympathized and would say it was ok for them to play with us.

I do think perhaps one reason your kid is not invited over is that your kid may not be nice to the younger siblings, especially if you are indicating to her that she is justified in feeling annoyed if the younger siblings want to play too

This, precisely. I never invite kids like yours back, they’re high maintenance and divisive - why would we have that kid over, when some kids come over and are lovely and polite and the kids all play harmoniously? You need to be doing the opposite of what you’re doing (ie, emphasizing to your kid the importance of being a good guest and being inclusive; not acting like it’s okay for her to go over and exclude other kids. What kind of life skill do you think that’s teaching??)

[Anonymous]

I also have an only 7 year old and he gets really excited when his friends have siblings. His best friend has a 5 yo brother, and they all play together with sibling dynamics and all. I consider this good for my kid to be in the mix.

[Anonymous]

We have three who all have distinct non overlapping set of friends. When we host, kids figure it out and usually have little interest in hanging out with friends of their siblings.

I have never ever brought a sibling to a playdate my kid has at other peoples houses. Like ever. They invite one and that’s what they get.

[Anonymous]

Tell the parents they can drop their kid off and don’t need to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have three who all have distinct non overlapping set of friends. When we host, kids figure it out and usually have little interest in hanging out with friends of their siblings.

I have never ever brought a sibling to a playdate my kid has at other peoples houses. Like ever. They invite one and that’s what they get.

What if playdate is at a park and not drop off and you have one or two siblings to take care of. Do you not bring the other sibling to the play ground too? I would. If it’s a drop off play date or at someone’s house then I would not. My kids started doing drop off playdates in K so I never really had this problem. When we meet at a park, I bring any sibling I am taking care of and other parents usually do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna read all this thread, but in my experience parents of onliest are more anal in general. Maybe OP should seek out more only child families. Sounds too high maintenance for a typical busy family with more than one kid.

OMG you hit the OP’s problem right on the nose. So true in my experience!!!

Wow.

I’m not going to insert some cruel and lazy generalization about parents of multiples, because I’m not awful. But thanks for reminding me how many awful people there are out there.

Notable that you don’t dispute the “lazy generalization” applies to you…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have three who all have distinct non overlapping set of friends. When we host, kids figure it out and usually have little interest in hanging out with friends of their siblings.

I have never ever brought a sibling to a playdate my kid has at other peoples houses. Like ever. They invite one and that’s what they get.

What if playdate is at a park and not drop off and you have one or two siblings to take care of. Do you not bring the other sibling to the play ground too? I would. If it’s a drop off play date or at someone’s house then I would not. My kids started doing drop off playdates in K so I never really had this problem. When we meet at a park, I bring any sibling I am taking care of and other parents usually do the same.

Park is ok but never ever to peoples houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find most of the replies you got off OP. I’m more like you though.

1. 7 is firmly drop off age though so if you are still doing parented play dates that’s an issue.

2. When my kids had play dates it was a chance for the kid having the guest to have their friend over and I did something with the other kid to keep them out of the friends’ hair. We did not have them all the time but this was my take.

3. DS had a friend with a mom like most PPs. The friend and his little sister (preschool age, 2-3 years younger than the boys) was ALWAYS glued to his hip. They were a total package deal. I liked the mom and we were neighbors so it was ok-ish but still annoying. Even if we invited him over she would come along too.

7 is not "firmly" drop off in any social context except a very insular community where you are only friends with extended family or people you've known your whole life. Age aside, never heard of anyone dropping off a plus one sibling for a drop off play date unless the host kid was friends with both.

What? I’d say the opposite. 7 is firmly drop off unless I know the family well and want to hang out. My 4 year old does drop off sometimes. 6 year old assumption is drop off. 8 year old exclusively unless we’re family friends. Expecting parents to stay/expecting to stay at 7 100% is the reason for fewer invites and siblings coming. What parent of multiples wants to entertain 7 year old’s mom if they don’t even bring playmates for other kids?

[Anonymous]

It amazes me how quick posters are to jump on only children and their parents. There is zero in OP’s posts that one could use to extrapolate that her kid is not nice to her friends’ siblings - you all are imparting that to OP’s statement that her kid isn’t often invited for playdates. It is really hurtful to those of us with only children to make negative generalizations about us and our kids, espexially since many of us are not in this position by choice (although many are, too, and my comments are equally applicable). I would never, ever make negative statements about other based on their family size, but for some reason there is free reign to dump on families of onlies.

OP, I think this is just a matter of convenience, not anything personal to your daughter. It is usually easier for parents balancing multiple kids’ schedules to just drop their kid at your house. Be glad kids like coming to your house- hopefully that will follow as your daughter ages and you will be grateful to be the house kids want to hang in when your daughter is middle/hs age .

(Also, minor point but multiple posters have criticized her / her kid for not being inclusive to the older sibling at the zoo playdate - OP said that kid was bored! and it is ridiculous to think a 12 yr old could not stay home alone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna read all this thread, but in my experience parents of onliest are more anal in general. Maybe OP should seek out more only child families. Sounds too high maintenance for a typical busy family with more than one kid.

OMG you hit the OP’s problem right on the nose. So true in my experience!!!

Wow.

I’m not going to insert some cruel and lazy generalization about parents of multiples, because I’m not awful. But thanks for reminding me how many awful people there are out there.

Notable that you don’t dispute the “lazy generalization” applies to you…

Because a mature mind doesn't need to argue with people who make crazy statements, maybe??
NP

[Anonymous]

My daughter’s former best friend was an only and it was a nightmare to host her. We had an open yard policy where all the neighborhood kids were welcome to play in our yard and vice versa. My daughter’s friend would come over and demand that my younger son not be allowed to play on ours or our neighbors’ swingset equipment while she and my daughter were outside playing. The mom would also constantly invite my daughter, husband and me to do stuff with their family (go to pool, come over for dinner, etc.) and forget that we had a four year old son at home. The mom was not pleased when our families weren’t as close and she would send nasty texts accusing us of liking our neighbors and other friends better. Well, yeah, of course we were closer with other families that had multiple, same aged kids and were inclusive of all my children.

It’s not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.

+1

The point is for the two kids to play together, not to give mom a free babysitter.

Says you.