No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

Many kids are doing this all the time -- school, playing at aftercare, sports teams and other activities... So sibling/family time can be a weekend priority. Doesn't mean "no playdates" but it's kid and family dependent in terms of how important ppl think that is.

Eh, that's how you -- the busy and stretched-thin parent -- want the weekend to look. A typical kid in elementary school wants to have a friend over for some good old unstructured play time.

Indeed. And a typical parent will choose to invite kids who play well with others, not kids who are fussy about wanting 1:1. Just because a family isn't doing playdates *with you* doesn't mean they aren't doing playdates at all.

Agree, polite, inclusive, and low maintenance kids FTW! Again, I was responding to the PPs suggesting that multi-child families don't initiate playdates at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

Many kids are doing this all the time -- school, playing at aftercare, sports teams and other activities... So sibling/family time can be a weekend priority. Doesn't mean "no playdates" but it's kid and family dependent in terms of how important ppl think that is.

As PPs pointed out, there's a big difference between adult-organized structured activities and unstructured hanging out with friends outside the family. The latter is a skill to cultivate for good mental health and success in life.

But that's what aftercare often is - at ours the default is kids hanging out at the playground next to our elementary schools it's not structured (there aren't enough adults to make it so!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

Many kids are doing this all the time -- school, playing at aftercare, sports teams and other activities... So sibling/family time can be a weekend priority. Doesn't mean "no playdates" but it's kid and family dependent in terms of how important ppl think that is.

As PPs pointed out, there's a big difference between adult-organized structured activities and unstructured hanging out with friends outside the family. The latter is a skill to cultivate for good mental health and success in life.

But that's what aftercare often is - at ours the default is kids hanging out at the playground next to our elementary schools it's not structured (there aren't enough adults to make it so!)

If your kids are still in aftercare, they're probably pre-K to early elementary. The social dynamics are different when hanging out at someone's house than at the playground, particularly under adult supervision (even if minimal). You'll see when your kids get older.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids ages 9.5, 7.5 and 4. We do multiple drop off play dates and sleepover for the older 2. The youngest does not get play dates yet. We did do it a few times with one friend, but it’s a huge hassle for us because it requires at least one parent present and older kids are very busy with their friends/activities. We have done probably 4-5 total play date for the youngest with a friend from preschool. I imagine it will be a lot more when in a year or two those playdates can become drop off.

Older kids get 1-2 play date/sleepover per week. Often I am able to schedule them at the same time (either both at my house or one at our house and the other at friend’s house). Logistics are often complicated and I would never do a play date for my 7 year old that is not drop off.

During play dates at our house if I was not able to organize two play dates, older kids play together, but if one wants alone time with her friend, they get it and I ask other kids to stay out of their room.

Nanny is with the youngest Mon-Fri after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

I lived in a suite freshman year and by the spring, half of my roommates had left. All had siblings. Perhaps generalizations are just that and people find facts to suit their narrative. And roommates suck. My BFF had a single (and 3 siblings!) and it was worlds better. Not sure why random freshman year roommates should be a litmus test for being a well adjusted person (and I have a sibling as well).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

I lived in a suite freshman year and by the spring, half of my roommates had left. All had siblings. Perhaps generalizations are just that and people find facts to suit their narrative. And roommates suck. My BFF had a single (and 3 siblings!) and it was worlds better. Not sure why random freshman year roommates should be a litmus test for being a well adjusted person (and I have a sibling as well).

Then i guess the mom worrying about kids from big families can settle down then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

I lived in a suite freshman year and by the spring, half of my roommates had left. All had siblings. Perhaps generalizations are just that and people find facts to suit their narrative. And roommates suck. My BFF had a single (and 3 siblings!) and it was worlds better. Not sure why random freshman year roommates should be a litmus test for being a well adjusted person (and I have a sibling as well).

Then i guess the mom worrying about kids from big families can settle down then.

She's not worried about kids from big families. She's worried about kids whose parents don't think they need friends because their siblings can just be their playmates. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

I lived in a suite freshman year and by the spring, half of my roommates had left. All had siblings. Perhaps generalizations are just that and people find facts to suit their narrative. And roommates suck. My BFF had a single (and 3 siblings!) and it was worlds better. Not sure why random freshman year roommates should be a litmus test for being a well adjusted person (and I have a sibling as well).

Then i guess the mom worrying about kids from big families can settle down then.

She's not worried about kids from big families. She's worried about kids whose parents don't think they need friends because their siblings can just be their playmates. Keep up.

Who said their kids don't need friends? Nosy mom obviously has too much time on her hands if she's worrying about these families she's invented in her mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are for you and your kid, OP. Not for kids who have siblings, as they don't need playdates, they have each other.

PP, this is the poster (and the one prior) that I was responding to. So maybe those kids have friends, but they only see them at school/aftercare or structured group activities, which seems sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Playdates are for you and your kid, OP. Not for kids who have siblings, as they don't need playdates, they have each other.

PP, this is the poster (and the one prior) that I was responding to. So maybe those kids have friends, but they only see them at school/aftercare or structured group activities, which seems sad.

So, right, nobody said anything about lack of friends. Kids see plenty of other kids at school, birthday parties, activities, family events, not having a 2 hour play date once a week, every week, isn't going to make or break their future. Maybe PP can freak out about homeschooled kids next.

[Anonymous]

2 hours every week seems rigid, but a kid who never gets together with friends for informal hanging out is missing out on a big part of youth, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

I lived in a suite freshman year and by the spring, half of my roommates had left. All had siblings. Perhaps generalizations are just that and people find facts to suit their narrative. And roommates suck. My BFF had a single (and 3 siblings!) and it was worlds better. Not sure why random freshman year roommates should be a litmus test for being a well adjusted person (and I have a sibling as well).

Then i guess the mom worrying about kids from big families can settle down then.

She's not worried about kids from big families. She's worried about kids whose parents don't think they need friends because their siblings can just be their playmates. Keep up.

Who said their kids don't need friends? Nosy mom obviously has too much time on her hands if she's worrying about these families she's invented in her mind.

Saying children with siblings only hang out with siblings is about as absurd as saying only children mostly only hang out with their parents (per PP, above). Kids like to spend time with friends, and most decent parents make an effort to make that happen. Maybe not when they’re very young and maybe not during the end of the school year schedule craziness, but in general. The extreme positions on this thread are exaggerations and most kids are doing perfectly fine, with zero siblings or a handful of them. Nobody should worry about other people’s kids unless they come onto DCUM looking for advice, like OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hang on. We’re a multi-child family, but the kids need play dates. Apparently kids generally need at a minimum 1-2 play dates a week of a minimum of 2 hrs each. https://blog.lowellschool.org/blog/ups-and-downs-of-friendship-in-elementary-school. The kids don’t need their mothers at the play dates, nor should they be mean to siblings, but they don’t not need friends.

+1. OP -- all these comments from people saying that multi-kid families don't care about playdates absolutely does NOT track with my IRL experience now that my kids are in elementary. This multi-kid family does playdates (and sees value in them) regularly. My kids love having their friends over.

Seriously, I'm wondering how some of these PP's kids are going to survive in college and adulthood when they have to socialize with people other than their siblings!

I worry less about those people than the ones who have only been hanging out with their parents most of their life. When I got to college you could always tell who the only children were. They asked for single rooms. Couldn't handle roommates. And had more adjustment issues. The kids from larger families did just fine.

I lived in a suite freshman year and by the spring, half of my roommates had left. All had siblings. Perhaps generalizations are just that and people find facts to suit their narrative. And roommates suck. My BFF had a single (and 3 siblings!) and it was worlds better. Not sure why random freshman year roommates should be a litmus test for being a well adjusted person (and I have a sibling as well).

Then i guess the mom worrying about kids from big families can settle down then.

She's not worried about kids from big families. She's worried about kids whose parents don't think they need friends because their siblings can just be their playmates. Keep up.

Who said their kids don't need friends? Nosy mom obviously has too much time on her hands if she's worrying about these families she's invented in her mind.

Saying children with siblings only hang out with siblings is about as absurd as saying only children mostly only hang out with their parents (per PP, above). Kids like to spend time with friends, and most decent parents make an effort to make that happen. Maybe not when they’re very young and maybe not during the end of the school year schedule craziness, but in general. The extreme positions on this thread are exaggerations and most kids are doing perfectly fine, with zero siblings or a handful of them. Nobody should worry about other people’s kids unless they come onto DCUM looking for advice, like OP.

That's the point. Nobody said their kids never have playdates. That was an assumption and then it got turned back around on the assumers. They didn't like that too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the whole thread but I'm surprised more posters aren't agreeing with how weird it is to drop off a 5 YEARS OLDER sibling uninvited to a zoo outing. As OP said, of course he's bored, what were you thinking?

It was never stated that th zoo playdate was a dropoff. I think everyone agrees you don't bring an uninvited sibling to a dropoff playdate because the other mom is not some sort of group babysitter.

Also, OP’s kid is 7 and uninvited sibling 12. Not sure where you got the 5 from

Stand corrected, he wasn't dropped off the mom was there too, but I still don't think most 12 year-old boys want to hang out with 7 year-old girls so I don't know why you'd bring him. The 5 was referring to the age difference. If he were 9 it'd make sense.

I have a 6yo daughter and 12yo son. He absolutely would not want to go. He would rather hang out at home playing video games. I can’t think of a time when I dragged him to his kindergarten sister’s play date or outing. Maybe never.

His sister has gone on MANY of his outings though. I used to push her in a stroller and now she walks.