No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend

[Anonymous]

You don't get to decide the culture/atmosphere of my home. If the kids are fighting or annoying each other, I'd intervene, but a kid insisting to just play with her friend and not interact with the family doesn't belong in my home.

[Anonymous]

And as for the boy at the zoo, he probably said he wanted to go but then whined about it. Tweens are like that. Yours will be like that too when she hits the moody age. Or the dad had things he needed to do and he wasn't actually at home. Or she needed to drop her son somewhere else afterwards. Who knows but nobody brings a 12 year old to play with 7 year olds unless they have a reason.

Anyway, being precious about this stuff is a good way to have no invites. They may not feel they need to reciprocate if they don't actually care whether the kids have playdates together at all. It's you who wants the playdates, not them, so you can make more of the effort.

[Anonymous]

Two words: DROP OFF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to host the other kid and not arrange to also have the other mom there.

This. I totally get not wanting to host younger siblings but no, I’m not going to bend over backwards to have a playdate with you/find childcare for my other kids so I can sit in your house and watch one of my kids play. And if we are meeting in a public place like the zoo/a park, of course I’m bringing my other kids!

Agree. If I go to the zoo with one of my kids and leave the others at home they will be sad and crying about missing out. It creates a lot of drama where there doesn't need to be any and I'm not going to set myself up for that for a meetup at the zoo with a friend who can't tolerate siblings. If my other kids aren't welcome then we will just pass on the outing.

[Anonymous]

Offer for the kid to have a drop-off play date at your house, or offer to take the friend to an outing. Parents will jump at that opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to host the other kid and not arrange to also have the other mom there.

This. I totally get not wanting to host younger siblings but no, I’m not going to bend over backwards to have a playdate with you/find childcare for my other kids so I can sit in your house and watch one of my kids play. And if we are meeting in a public place like the zoo/a park, of course I’m bringing my other kids!

This. It's a public place! Literally anyone could come along and play with them. It's not like they're going to be whispering their deepest confidences and swearing a BFF oath.

[Anonymous]

I can’t stand when I have playdates for my oldest who is 7 and a 4 year old tags along. Or even worse a 3 or 2 year old.

I have a 7, 5 and 1 year old. I get having multiple kids. But I want special alone time for my kids. If I wanted my kids to all play together that sounds like a regular day. My oldest has a lot of issues with my middle child and I want them to have activities on their own. And their own friends. Covid had a bit too much together time for them and they’re like oil and water

[Anonymous]

I mean, really really little kids are different because they are so high maintenance. If they aren't potty trained or still only parallel play, then no. But any age difference of 2 years plus or minus is fine with me.

[Anonymous]

This post should have been titled "No playdates because my child doesn't play well with others".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually the younger kids aren't the priority.

+1

Keep hosting. Drop off play dates at your house or play dates where you drive both kids somewhere and the other mom doesn’t need to come. Who cares if the other parents don’t reciprocate? The point of play dates is social development for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't get to decide the culture/atmosphere of my home. If the kids are fighting or annoying each other, I'd intervene, but a kid insisting to just play with her friend and not interact with the family doesn't belong in my home.

+1 We had a guest who only wanted to hang with one twin. They are the same gender. Our children have different personalities and friends, but if they want to play with a friend of the other during a playdate they can. DH is big on siblings before friends so that guest was never invited back.

We won't allow someone my kids won't even know in a few years to interfere with their relationship.

[Anonymous]

You clearly have never thought through the logistics of families that differ from your own. This is a serious lack of empathy. And it shows. And since I have a say in the kids and families my children spend time with, I'm not prioritizing yours.

[Anonymous]

Yikes I guess this is why we don't do playdates!

The politics my lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't get to decide the culture/atmosphere of my home. If the kids are fighting or annoying each other, I'd intervene, but a kid insisting to just play with her friend and not interact with the family doesn't belong in my home.

+1 We had a guest who only wanted to hang with one twin. They are the same gender. Our children have different personalities and friends, but if they want to play with a friend of the other during a playdate they can. DH is big on siblings before friends so that guest was never invited back.

We won't allow someone my kids won't even know in a few years to interfere with their relationship.

As a mom of tween twins, this is weird. Even though we are big on the sibling bond, they are different
It's okay if another child wants to play only with one twin, we help the other twin find something else to do. Of course we expect the kid to be polite to both twins but not that the playdate is for both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't get to decide the culture/atmosphere of my home. If the kids are fighting or annoying each other, I'd intervene, but a kid insisting to just play with her friend and not interact with the family doesn't belong in my home.

+1 We had a guest who only wanted to hang with one twin. They are the same gender. Our children have different personalities and friends, but if they want to play with a friend of the other during a playdate they can. DH is big on siblings before friends so that guest was never invited back.

We won't allow someone my kids won't even know in a few years to interfere with their relationship.

As a mom of tween twins, this is weird. Even though we are big on the sibling bond, they are different
It's okay if another child wants to play only with one twin, we help the other twin find something else to do. Of course we expect the kid to be polite to both twins but not that the playdate is for both.

This child was not polite and I will not allow my child to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

I'll tell you what I tell my kids. Different houses have different rules. It's easy for them to comprehend so I'm guessing you'll understand too.

Glad you are able to find something else for your child. Not happening here and don't care who thinks it's weird.