No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend

[Anonymous]

I find most of the replies you got off OP. I’m more like you though.

1. 7 is firmly drop off age though so if you are still doing parented play dates that’s an issue.

2. When my kids had play dates it was a chance for the kid having the guest to have their friend over and I did something with the other kid to keep them out of the friends’ hair. We did not have them all the time but this was my take.

3. DS had a friend with a mom like most PPs. The friend and his little sister (preschool age, 2-3 years younger than the boys) was ALWAYS glued to his hip. They were a total package deal. I liked the mom and we were neighbors so it was ok-ish but still annoying. Even if we invited him over she would come along too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna read all this thread, but in my experience parents of onliest are more anal in general. Maybe OP should seek out more only child families. Sounds too high maintenance for a typical busy family with more than one kid.

OMG you hit the OP’s problem right on the nose. So true in my experience!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for these responses, they are interesting and helpful and helping me to see other perspectives.

The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.

Limiting? Sure, it's called limiting my stress level by a) only inviting kids who play well with both my kids; and b) not having a lot of playdates because I don't care about playdates. If that's "limiting" to you, fine. But it's not like playing with your child is some must-have experience. There are plenty of kids (including many only children) who are perfectly fine playing with siblings on a playdate. So I'm not going to cater to a kid who expects 1:1 in my home. That's more work for me and I see no reason to do it. Playing across ages is good for children. And there are plenty of kids who are fine with it.

OP, you are doing your child a disservice by inculcating this expectation in her. She won't be top of the list for invites if she doesn't handle this well. And she'll miss out on the social skills growth that she could have had.

[Anonymous]

Age 7 is a drop-off playdate, no question. I am sure the moms are turned off if they are thinking they have to entertain you too. The play date is between the two children. I wouldn't factor the siblings into your thinking.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird to bring siblings to a play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird to bring siblings to a play date.

I’m a PP who would never do this but the expectation that the other sibling is hidden away when they host is the problem. Also that she is still staying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird to bring siblings to a play date.

The problem here is that the OP expects the mom to stay. If the dad is busy, what is mom supposed to do with kid #2?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and sometimes I am able to schedule things for everyone, but often I am not. Sometimes DH is taking one to basketball and I am left with 2. It is not a big deal… You just need to relax a bit if you want your daughter to have friends (especially since she is an only child)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird to bring siblings to a play date.

The problem here is that the OP expects the mom to stay. If the dad is busy, what is mom supposed to do with kid #2?

I guess tell them they can't go to the zoo. Just because. My left out kid would be sad about this. It's one thing to explain that the other kid has a party and they can't go but it's another to tell them they just aren't allowed to go on a fun excursion for no real reason. I'm not going to do that. If I'm going, then I'll bring whichever of my kids also wants to go. If OP wants an exclusive play date then she can pick up the friend and take the kids by herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for these responses, they are interesting and helpful and helping me to see other perspectives.

The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.

I have multiple kids and at 7 they do drop off play dates and sleepovers. My 7 year old’s friends all have siblings and this is never an issue (having the sibling at home during play date). My eldest’s BFFs are both only children and all families do sleepovers and play dates… we always reciprocate. When kids are at our house, sometimes there is one or two siblings around but it has never been an issue. If/when my eldest wants to be alone with her friends (not often since they mostly all play together), she goes into her room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find most of the replies you got off OP. I’m more like you though.

1. 7 is firmly drop off age though so if you are still doing parented play dates that’s an issue.

2. When my kids had play dates it was a chance for the kid having the guest to have their friend over and I did something with the other kid to keep them out of the friends’ hair. We did not have them all the time but this was my take.

3. DS had a friend with a mom like most PPs. The friend and his little sister (preschool age, 2-3 years younger than the boys) was ALWAYS glued to his hip. They were a total package deal. I liked the mom and we were neighbors so it was ok-ish but still annoying. Even if we invited him over she would come along too.

7 is not "firmly" drop off in any social context except a very insular community where you are only friends with extended family or people you've known your whole life. Age aside, never heard of anyone dropping off a plus one sibling for a drop off play date unless the host kid was friends with both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find most of the replies you got off OP. I’m more like you though.

1. 7 is firmly drop off age though so if you are still doing parented play dates that’s an issue.

2. When my kids had play dates it was a chance for the kid having the guest to have their friend over and I did something with the other kid to keep them out of the friends’ hair. We did not have them all the time but this was my take.

3. DS had a friend with a mom like most PPs. The friend and his little sister (preschool age, 2-3 years younger than the boys) was ALWAYS glued to his hip. They were a total package deal. I liked the mom and we were neighbors so it was ok-ish but still annoying. Even if we invited him over she would come along too.

7 is not "firmly" drop off in any social context except a very insular community where you are only friends with extended family or people you've known your whole life. Age aside, never heard of anyone dropping off a plus one sibling for a drop off play date unless the host kid was friends with both.

Absolutely not firm. It's for parents with multiple kids who want free babysitting. I'd never drop off a 7 year old at a house where I didn't know the parents well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird to bring siblings to a play date.

The problem here is that the OP expects the mom to stay. If the dad is busy, what is mom supposed to do with kid #2?

I guess tell them they can't go to the zoo. Just because. My left out kid would be sad about this. It's one thing to explain that the other kid has a party and they can't go but it's another to tell them they just aren't allowed to go on a fun excursion for no real reason. I'm not going to do that. If I'm going, then I'll bring whichever of my kids also wants to go. If OP wants an exclusive play date then she can pick up the friend and take the kids by herself.

Snowflake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna read all this thread, but in my experience parents of onliest are more anal in general. Maybe OP should seek out more only child families. Sounds too high maintenance for a typical busy family with more than one kid.

OMG you hit the OP’s problem right on the nose. So true in my experience!!!

Wow.

I’m not going to insert some cruel and lazy generalization about parents of multiples, because I’m not awful. But thanks for reminding me how many awful people there are out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weird to bring siblings to a play date.

The problem here is that the OP expects the mom to stay. If the dad is busy, what is mom supposed to do with kid #2?

I guess tell them they can't go to the zoo. Just because. My left out kid would be sad about this. It's one thing to explain that the other kid has a party and they can't go but it's another to tell them they just aren't allowed to go on a fun excursion for no real reason. I'm not going to do that. If I'm going, then I'll bring whichever of my kids also wants to go. If OP wants an exclusive play date then she can pick up the friend and take the kids by herself.

Snowflake

Well, they're kids. And I don't think telling them that their siblings friend doesn't like them so they can't go to the zoo. If that's the case then sibling's friend and their family really just aren't our cup of tea and we can go to the zoo when we like. The more the merrier. It's not a private event at the zoo, there will be lots of other kids there.