Dating for 50+ men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if there are any 50+ men still paying attention, help a woman out: I’m late 40s, thin/fit/attractive (but not gonna claim I look like I’m 30!), successful enough to be told I’m intimidating by a number of nice guys, looking for someone more or less my age and financial status to have fun with. Def don’t want to get married, not looking for financial support in any way (but also don’t want to be a sugar mama), but want more then FWB. would love to find someone to ski, dive, travel with. Are all the successful, fit/attractive guys my age looking at the younger babes? Where should I look?

Why don't you travel with girlfriends?

I do. and I travel alone, and love it. but i also like sex, and the feeling of playing hard with someone I’m into (and vice versa).

In that case do what I was doing for a while: f..k someone young locally (you can last 1-2 years) and spend your own money on your travel. An old fart is not worth it (I mean, f...ng for the sake of shared travel expenses)

LOL. I wasn’t looking to share travel expenses - was more hoping to find someone around my age and similarly fit and fun to enjoy experiences together. But maybe I’m hoping for too much - most of these men seem more interested in younger women. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if there are any 50+ men still paying attention, help a woman out: I’m late 40s, thin/fit/attractive (but not gonna claim I look like I’m 30!), successful enough to be told I’m intimidating by a number of nice guys, looking for someone more or less my age and financial status to have fun with. Def don’t want to get married, not looking for financial support in any way (but also don’t want to be a sugar mama), but want more then FWB. would love to find someone to ski, dive, travel with. Are all the successful, fit/attractive guys my age looking at the younger babes? Where should I look?

Why don't you travel with girlfriends?

I do. and I travel alone, and love it. but i also like sex, and the feeling of playing hard with someone I’m into (and vice versa).

In that case do what I was doing for a while: f..k someone young locally (you can last 1-2 years) and spend your own money on your travel. An old fart is not worth it (I mean, f...ng for the sake of shared travel expenses)

LOL. I wasn’t looking to share travel expenses - was more hoping to find someone around my age and similarly fit and fun to enjoy experiences together. But maybe I’m hoping for too much - most of these men seem more interested in younger women. Sigh.

Most of good looking men in their 40s are actually divorced with kids and obligations. They won't be able to travel with you even if it's a committed exclusive relationship. Very rate is to find someone sexy, successful and at the same life stage in his 40s as a 40 yo woman. Women have kids earlier and become empty nesters in early-mid 40s, while men become empty nesters in their 50s when they are already fat, grumpy, tired of life and don't want anything committed just want to retire in peace.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You can have a blast dating at 50. I started dating when I was 53 and dated women within ten years (plus or minus) of my age.

If you want to date for a relationship, it works best if you match with women with a similar background (if you have kids in high school and college, stick with women who have kids the same age.)

If you are just in it for an FWB (or for NSA sex), it is even better. Many divorced women are DTF and are not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else.

One bit of advice about this, I made a significant mistake in my first FWB relationship. I thought she (my FWB) wanted to hold hands, cuddle, etc. before and after sex so I would do so with her. I came to find out she only did it because she thought I needed it. She was okay with meeting up just for sex and did not need anyone to hold her hand.

She was busy as a single mom working a demanding professional job. She also did not need expensive dinners or trips. Instead, she wanted a clean, attentive, and adventurous lover.

I had to cut my FWB loose b/c he wanted to get dinner, go to the movies, spend the weekend together. That’s all well and good but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Sad to see him go but we wanted different things.

Why on earth would you want a 50+ yo man for a FWB situation? I’d see men in their late twenties to thirties personally.

Not sure why would I date a 50+ man in my 40s unless he's into remarrying/long term partnership with cohabitation and merging finances/certain guarantees for me

Why do you want remarriage plus merging finances and "certain guarantees"? If you've already had kids and you have a career, what do you need marriage and financial merge and "guarantees" for?

And what does he get in exchange for providing merged finances and "guarantees" to you? Is your p*ssy really that great?

I would certainly benefit from a marriage to an equal earner (400K+) and at least 15 more years of building a joint life, wealth, joint assets and retirement planning with an equal partner. Of course I would expect being a primary beneficiary to all marital assets in such scenario. A man either should be able to provide it in his 50s (where they are usually at career prime and make about the same as me).

And what does he get out of this?

If you came at me with that deal - and I am that kind of earner - my reaction is "you are primary beneficiary of the marital assets and my kids get shut out? Pfffft, nope." I'm doing just great building wealth and planning my retirement by myself, I don't need to marry "an equal partner" for that.

You may say, why would you marry me if you're not the primary beneficiary of the marital assets? Well, you are clearly not poor and you will have no problem retiring comfortably if we maintain separate finances.

Getting remarried after you are done having kids is all downside for a man, tbh.

Your kids should get premarital assets/build on your own before marriage. There should be plenty for them already if you are that wealthy, particular if they are out of college and employed. I'm living my child $5mm+ assets.

[My personal assets are going to grow the fastest in my 50s, when I'm in my peak earning years and reaping the benefits of compound interest. That's exactly why I want to keep them separate. Why would I want to let some woman come and take 50% of the big gains in the endgame when those gains should go to my kids? Also, you said you have plenty of money, why are you so greedy for more?]

You would get a partner sightly younger to spend your elderly years with, travel, and enjoy all benefits of very high joint income together.

[I don't need to marry her to do that.]

Or you can casually date and then die alone helped by an Asian nurse, scared for your income and assets. Your kids will get $10mm instead of $5mm. It's a matter of individual choice.

[Color me skeptical that when the lights go out, I'll be surrounded by my family with my loving wife holding my hand. Nobody dies like that anymore. I'll be in the hospice periodically checked by the nurse whether I'm married or not. And I'll be totally happy that my assets are going to my kids, as planned.

But that aside, how is being married going to get my kids $10m when my wife will get half of it? It's more like the other way around - I get married, kids get $5m, if I stay single, kids get $10m.]

I'm fine on my 400K/year, but I lived in a marriage with spouse making about same, and lifestyle you get for 800K joint income is not comparable. Not sure how it's not obvious.

[If you both make $400k and split expenses evenly then marriage doesn't provide much additional benefit. If by "lifestyle" you mean fancier vacations, you can do that without getting married.]

I don't want to be single in my elderly years, or have a partner who enjoys the benefits of joint income but leaves everything we earned together to his kids. In fact, it's agains the law: you can't leave out your spouse from marital assets

[You're a woman. You're going to be single when you're elderly, whether you get married or not, because your DH will predecease you. All your arguments rest on the premise that he will die first. And you still haven't established that joint income provides significant benefit over two separate large incomes. Last but not least you are ignoring the significant financial risk of divorce, which is very likely in a second marriage.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if there are any 50+ men still paying attention, help a woman out: I’m late 40s, thin/fit/attractive (but not gonna claim I look like I’m 30!), successful enough to be told I’m intimidating by a number of nice guys, looking for someone more or less my age and financial status to have fun with. Def don’t want to get married, not looking for financial support in any way (but also don’t want to be a sugar mama), but want more then FWB. would love to find someone to ski, dive, travel with. Are all the successful, fit/attractive guys my age looking at the younger babes? Where should I look?

You're the kind of woman I'm looking for... but I don't know how to meet someone like you. Apps sure aren't working.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't date, I would use services -massage-escort etc and not have to deal with he hassle of a relationship of any kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can have a blast dating at 50. I started dating when I was 53 and dated women within ten years (plus or minus) of my age.

If you want to date for a relationship, it works best if you match with women with a similar background (if you have kids in high school and college, stick with women who have kids the same age.)

If you are just in it for an FWB (or for NSA sex), it is even better. Many divorced women are DTF and are not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else.

One bit of advice about this, I made a significant mistake in my first FWB relationship. I thought she (my FWB) wanted to hold hands, cuddle, etc. before and after sex so I would do so with her. I came to find out she only did it because she thought I needed it. She was okay with meeting up just for sex and did not need anyone to hold her hand.

She was busy as a single mom working a demanding professional job. She also did not need expensive dinners or trips. Instead, she wanted a clean, attentive, and adventurous lover.

I had to cut my FWB loose b/c he wanted to get dinner, go to the movies, spend the weekend together. That’s all well and good but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Sad to see him go but we wanted different things.

Why on earth would you want a 50+ yo man for a FWB situation? I’d see men in their late twenties to thirties personally.

Not sure why would I date a 50+ man in my 40s unless he's into remarrying/long term partnership with cohabitation and merging finances/certain guarantees for me

Why do you want remarriage plus merging finances and "certain guarantees"? If you've already had kids and you have a career, what do you need marriage and financial merge and "guarantees" for?

And what does he get in exchange for providing merged finances and "guarantees" to you? Is your p*ssy really that great?

I would certainly benefit from a marriage to an equal earner (400K+) and at least 15 more years of building a joint life, wealth, joint assets and retirement planning with an equal partner. Of course I would expect being a primary beneficiary to all marital assets in such scenario. A man either should be able to provide it in his 50s (where they are usually at career prime and make about the same as me).

And what does he get out of this?

If you came at me with that deal - and I am that kind of earner - my reaction is "you are primary beneficiary of the marital assets and my kids get shut out? Pfffft, nope." I'm doing just great building wealth and planning my retirement by myself, I don't need to marry "an equal partner" for that.

You may say, why would you marry me if you're not the primary beneficiary of the marital assets? Well, you are clearly not poor and you will have no problem retiring comfortably if we maintain separate finances.

Getting remarried after you are done having kids is all downside for a man, tbh.

Your kids should get premarital assets/build on your own before marriage. There should be plenty for them already if you are that wealthy, particular if they are out of college and employed. I'm living my child $5mm+ assets.

[My personal assets are going to grow the fastest in my 50s, when I'm in my peak earning years and reaping the benefits of compound interest. That's exactly why I want to keep them separate. Why would I want to let some woman come and take 50% of the big gains in the endgame when those gains should go to my kids? Also, you said you have plenty of money, why are you so greedy for more?]

You would get a partner sightly younger to spend your elderly years with, travel, and enjoy all benefits of very high joint income together.

[I don't need to marry her to do that.]

Or you can casually date and then die alone helped by an Asian nurse, scared for your income and assets. Your kids will get $10mm instead of $5mm. It's a matter of individual choice.

[Color me skeptical that when the lights go out, I'll be surrounded by my family with my loving wife holding my hand. Nobody dies like that anymore. I'll be in the hospice periodically checked by the nurse whether I'm married or not. And I'll be totally happy that my assets are going to my kids, as planned.

But that aside, how is being married going to get my kids $10m when my wife will get half of it? It's more like the other way around - I get married, kids get $5m, if I stay single, kids get $10m.]

I'm fine on my 400K/year, but I lived in a marriage with spouse making about same, and lifestyle you get for 800K joint income is not comparable. Not sure how it's not obvious.

[If you both make $400k and split expenses evenly then marriage doesn't provide much additional benefit. If by "lifestyle" you mean fancier vacations, you can do that without getting married.]

I don't want to be single in my elderly years, or have a partner who enjoys the benefits of joint income but leaves everything we earned together to his kids. In fact, it's agains the law: you can't leave out your spouse from marital assets

[You're a woman. You're going to be single when you're elderly, whether you get married or not, because your DH will predecease you. All your arguments rest on the premise that he will die first. And you still haven't established that joint income provides significant benefit over two separate large incomes. Last but not least you are ignoring the significant financial risk of divorce, which is very likely in a second marriage.]

What you wrote is incorrect financially. Your personal assets/pre-marital will grow at fastest rate, yes. You can put them in a trust to grow, let’s say at 7% annual rate.

But it doesn’t prevent you from joining incomes and acquiring new assets in second marriage. In fact, economy of scale from joint borrowing capacity, let’s say, for joint investment properties in your 40-50s is much higher vs a single borrower making $400k. It gives so much more benefits to create wealth jointly at that income level (pooling resources) vs just doing it individually.

And many kids are simply not deserving of showing be getting everything parents earned. Parent has full right simply spend their assets or income during lifestyle. I get nothing when I die anyway. Whether my child gets $5mm or $10mm I’m dead. But I do want to enjoy the benefits of my life work diluting my lifetime

As a woman I won’t be interested in moving in with anyone without equal contributing and actual joint investment goals, jointly acquired assets providing further security to spouses in retirement etc.

And this is why elderly men die alone now: catastrophic stringency and scare to join goals with anyone else.

It’s often that the wives leaves husbands when kids grow up, after 40-50 years long marriages. Exact for same reasons ! Inability to agree on retirement, placing restrictions on her spending in retirement, freak control etc.

Good in to you, anyway. I’m dating younger for these reasons. Younger men still believe in joint future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if there are any 50+ men still paying attention, help a woman out: I’m late 40s, thin/fit/attractive (but not gonna claim I look like I’m 30!), successful enough to be told I’m intimidating by a number of nice guys, looking for someone more or less my age and financial status to have fun with. Def don’t want to get married, not looking for financial support in any way (but also don’t want to be a sugar mama), but want more then FWB. would love to find someone to ski, dive, travel with. Are all the successful, fit/attractive guys my age looking at the younger babes? Where should I look?

I really like dating your type. I think many men in their 50s do. In my experience, attractive women in their 40s have incredibly plentiful options, both younger and older than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if there are any 50+ men still paying attention, help a woman out: I’m late 40s, thin/fit/attractive (but not gonna claim I look like I’m 30!), successful enough to be told I’m intimidating by a number of nice guys, looking for someone more or less my age and financial status to have fun with. Def don’t want to get married, not looking for financial support in any way (but also don’t want to be a sugar mama), but want more then FWB. would love to find someone to ski, dive, travel with. Are all the successful, fit/attractive guys my age looking at the younger babes? Where should I look?

You're the kind of woman I'm looking for... but I don't know how to meet someone like you. Apps sure aren't working.

well, nice to know you’re out there, anyway… The apps weren’t working for me either. Hard to filter for ‘not intimidated by smart, high earning woman, and thinks it’s hot that she can ski the black diamonds with him.’ if anyone has suggestions for us, speak up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men like to think younger women to be into them for their “experience” and superior skills in bed. The idea that younger women want something in return is a rude awakening.

I bet you think you're a nice, intelligent person?

I'm 50s. So far in post-divorce life, I've had 5 or 6 gfs who were in their 20s. None of them have asked for anything other than my time.

LOL this is such a lie. Unless they were all obese or very unattractive.

I'm the ONLY girl in my 20s I know whose dated a guy over the age of 40. I went to a private high school and come from a well-off background. So maybe large age gaps are more common amongst low income girls. But I was criticized heavily for dating someone so much older than me by other girls and family members.

And the only reason I was with a guy so much older than me is because he was extremely tall, accomplished, and classically handsome. You have to be like top 1 percent of 50 year old men to get attractive girls in their 20s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men like to think younger women to be into them for their “experience” and superior skills in bed. The idea that younger women want something in return is a rude awakening.

I bet you think you're a nice, intelligent person?

I'm 50s. So far in post-divorce life, I've had 5 or 6 gfs who were in their 20s. None of them have asked for anything other than my time.

LOL this is such a lie. Unless they were all obese or very unattractive.

I'm the ONLY girl in my 20s I know whose dated a guy over the age of 40. I went to a private high school and come from a well-off background. So maybe large age gaps are more common amongst low income girls. But I was criticized heavily for dating someone so much older than me by other girls and family members.

And the only reason I was with a guy so much older than me is because he was extremely tall, accomplished, and classically handsome. You have to be like top 1 percent of 50 year old men to get attractive girls in their 20s

More girls in their 20s than you think are willing to date older men. Those girls just keep it secret - for the obvious reason that, as you experienced, they get a lot of criticism from their friends and family.

[Anonymous]

But it doesn’t prevent you from joining incomes and acquiring new assets in second marriage. In fact, economy of scale from joint borrowing capacity, let’s say, for joint investment properties in your 40-50s is much higher vs a single borrower making $400k. It gives so much more benefits to create wealth jointly at that income level (pooling resources) vs just doing it individually.

This is offset by the risk of divorce in a second marriage.

And many kids are simply not deserving of showing be getting everything parents earned.

My kids deserve my money more than anyone else does. And how the heck would a second wife deserve it more than my kids?

Parent has full right simply spend their assets or income during lifestyle.

True, but personally I am not going to squander my money stupidly so my kids end up with nothing.

I get nothing when I die anyway. Whether my child gets $5mm or $10mm I’m dead.

My money will go to someone when I die. I prefer it goes to my kids.

But I do want to enjoy the benefits of my life work diluting my lifetime

I enjoy my life just fine right now, and I don't think remarrying is going to increase that enjoyment.

As a woman I won’t be interested in moving in with anyone without equal contributing and actual joint investment goals, jointly acquired assets providing further security to spouses in retirement etc.

I'm not really interested in cohabiting anyway. Just creates friction in the relationship. However, if I can prove that I have substantial investments and retirement assets, and thus I would never be a burden to you, then your insistence that we merge finances is unreasonable. I have created a secure retirement for myself. So have you. Neither of us will be more secure if we merge our assets.

And this is why elderly men die alone now: catastrophic stringency and scare to join goals with anyone else.

I don't even know what you're talking about here. What catastrophic stringency? My retirement will be very comfortable, not stringent let alone catastrophically so. As for "joining goals", that has more benefit to you than to me, as you think I'm going to die first and leave everything to you.

It’s often that the wives leaves husbands when kids grow up, after 40-50 years long marriages. Exact for same reasons ! Inability to agree on retirement, placing restrictions on her spending in retirement, freak control etc.

Having seen several older female relatives squander all their money and end up bankrupt, frankly I think older women need a man to put restrictions on spending during retirement.

Good in to you, anyway. I’m dating younger for these reasons. Younger men still believe in joint future.

Good for you. But lol if you think some younger dude really wants a joint future with grandma. And this will negate your plan of having your husband die first so you get his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But it doesn’t prevent you from joining incomes and acquiring new assets in second marriage. In fact, economy of scale from joint borrowing capacity, let’s say, for joint investment properties in your 40-50s is much higher vs a single borrower making $400k. It gives so much more benefits to create wealth jointly at that income level (pooling resources) vs just doing it individually.

This is offset by the risk of divorce in a second marriage.

And many kids are simply not deserving of showing be getting everything parents earned.

My kids deserve my money more than anyone else does. And how the heck would a second wife deserve it more than my kids?

Parent has full right simply spend their assets or income during lifestyle.

True, but personally I am not going to squander my money stupidly so my kids end up with nothing.

I get nothing when I die anyway. Whether my child gets $5mm or $10mm I’m dead.

My money will go to someone when I die. I prefer it goes to my kids.

But I do want to enjoy the benefits of my life work diluting my lifetime

I enjoy my life just fine right now, and I don't think remarrying is going to increase that enjoyment.

As a woman I won’t be interested in moving in with anyone without equal contributing and actual joint investment goals, jointly acquired assets providing further security to spouses in retirement etc.

I'm not really interested in cohabiting anyway. Just creates friction in the relationship. However, if I can prove that I have substantial investments and retirement assets, and thus I would never be a burden to you, then your insistence that we merge finances is unreasonable. I have created a secure retirement for myself. So have you. Neither of us will be more secure if we merge our assets.

And this is why elderly men die alone now: catastrophic stringency and scare to join goals with anyone else.

I don't even know what you're talking about here. What catastrophic stringency? My retirement will be very comfortable, not stringent let alone catastrophically so. As for "joining goals", that has more benefit to you than to me, as you think I'm going to die first and leave everything to you.

It’s often that the wives leaves husbands when kids grow up, after 40-50 years long marriages. Exact for same reasons ! Inability to agree on retirement, placing restrictions on her spending in retirement, freak control etc.

Having seen several older female relatives squander all their money and end up bankrupt, frankly I think older women need a man to put restrictions on spending during retirement.

Good in to you, anyway. I’m dating younger for these reasons. Younger men still believe in joint future.

Good for you. But lol if you think some younger dude really wants a joint future with grandma. And this will negate your plan of having your husband die first so you get his money.

I’m not sure why a 45 man is young but a 45 yo woman dating him is a “grandma”. By different state laws the spouse gets certain percentage of joint assets if other spouse die. Not “all your money”. So if I put my own money on downpayment with a spouse and service mortgage equally on that joint property , why should his kids get the house paid off by second wife ? I just don’t get it. Your kids should get the other half from their birth mother, not from your second spouse, who probably would live with you at least 20 years (much longer than you kids)
And divorce is not that disastrous or negating benefits of joining incomes and acquiring assets as you describe. Particular if there is a prenup clearly stipulating what’s joint and what’s separate. Alimony is what usually causes frictions and dragging it in courts, thus it’s wise to parties to mutually waive it in prenup. I spent about $30k on mine, which was peanuts relative size of assets and incomes. If we didn’t join it 15 years prior, we would be nowhere near the level of wealth at the end of the marriage. I consider it a major positive outcome.

Hope you share the views with women you date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men like to think younger women to be into them for their “experience” and superior skills in bed. The idea that younger women want something in return is a rude awakening.

I bet you think you're a nice, intelligent person?

I'm 50s. So far in post-divorce life, I've had 5 or 6 gfs who were in their 20s. None of them have asked for anything other than my time.

LOL this is such a lie. Unless they were all obese or very unattractive.

I'm the ONLY girl in my 20s I know whose dated a guy over the age of 40. I went to a private high school and come from a well-off background. So maybe large age gaps are more common amongst low income girls. But I was criticized heavily for dating someone so much older than me by other girls and family members.

And the only reason I was with a guy so much older than me is because he was extremely tall, accomplished, and classically handsome. You have to be like top 1 percent of 50 year old men to get attractive girls in their 20s

More girls in their 20s than you think are willing to date older men. Those girls just keep it secret - for the obvious reason that, as you experienced, they get a lot of criticism from their friends and family.

Man here. Very true.

Also true that women are enjoying FWB relationships with much younger men far more often than you'd think from reading this forum. When a woman is over 50 and can't find a man her own age she finds promising for a LTR, she may figure a young hot guy will be sufficient in the interim. I'm hearing about this more and more from women I have dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether you’re divorced, single, etc. What is it like for you? As easy to find younger women as many seem to say it is? Or is it a challenge?

Dating 50+ men can be very difficult. How do you even remember their names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men like to think younger women to be into them for their “experience” and superior skills in bed. The idea that younger women want something in return is a rude awakening.

I bet you think you're a nice, intelligent person?

I'm 50s. So far in post-divorce life, I've had 5 or 6 gfs who were in their 20s. None of them have asked for anything other than my time.

LOL this is such a lie. Unless they were all obese or very unattractive.

I'm the ONLY girl in my 20s I know whose dated a guy over the age of 40. I went to a private high school and come from a well-off background. So maybe large age gaps are more common amongst low income girls. But I was criticized heavily for dating someone so much older than me by other girls and family members.

And the only reason I was with a guy so much older than me is because he was extremely tall, accomplished, and classically handsome. You have to be like top 1 percent of 50 year old men to get attractive girls in their 20s

More girls in their 20s than you think are willing to date older men. Those girls just keep it secret - for the obvious reason that, as you experienced, they get a lot of criticism from their friends and family.

Man here. Very true.

Also true that women are enjoying FWB relationships with much younger men far more often than you'd think from reading this forum.

It's no surprise at all. Horny guys will hit anything as long as it's not totally repulsive. Many older women I've met tell me that younger guys on the apps come at them because they think she'll be a low-effort FWB.