Academic IEPs vs weak extra-curriculars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is part of the S.W.E.A.T. pledge from the DD going into the Trades post. It may be helpful for you and DC to read this carefully and reflect upon it:

10. I believe that I am a product of my choices – not my circumstances. I will never blame anyone for my shortcomings or the challenges I face. And I will never accept the credit for something I didn’t do.

11. I understand the world is not fair, and I’m OK with that. I do not resent the success of others.

12. I believe that all people are created equal. I also believe that all people make choices. Some choose to be lazy. Some choose to sleep in. I choose to work my butt off.

This is some clueless dim bulb Mike Rowe “Dirty Jobs” BS.

And yet, it applies...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my junior is similar to yours. A solid student, good grades in rigorous classes, and plays soccer (a LOT). And that’s it. No jobs, no clubs, no volunteering. We’ve discussed how this will limit DC’s college options. And it may not really sink in until DC has some rejections in hand, but it’s been their decision. I can’t make this child be like their sibling who played sports and got great grades but also worked, volunteered and started a club and is now at a T50 college. I’m parenting the child I have, with accordant expectations about college prospects. And neither of us is pointing fingers or looking for scapegoats among their peers.

It’s great that your other kid was more active but your “lazy” kid may do better in life. I just had drinks with a friend who is a professor at a state flagship, and whose life philosophy is to be lazy (or “build in slack” as he says). Nice house, nice family, nice neighborhood, nice kids, nice hobbies … it’s to be aspired to actually!

And in reality, the HS junior who has no desire to join clubs/do ECs for 20+ hours per week is NOT a good candidate for the T25 schools. They would be miserable at a school like that. But they will likely get into plenty of 50-100 schools if they have the grades, the soccer alone will be enough for many of them. And that is likely where they will be happiest/with a group of like minded people.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this changes OP’s essential churlishness, but IDEA actually does cover school-sponsored extracurriculars to some extent: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/do-ieps-cover-extracurricular-activities#

In Maryland, there is an additional state law that mandates the creation of accessible school sports teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this changes OP’s essential churlishness, but IDEA actually does cover school-sponsored extracurriculars to some extent: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/do-ieps-cover-extracurricular-activities#

In Maryland, there is an additional state law that mandates the creation of accessible school sports teams.

You can't access what's mentally blocked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

No one has attacked your child for being lazy. They have attacked YOU for being an ignorant fool who is blaming children with disabilities (btw, one needs to move heaven and earth to get an IEP around here, including meeting multiple extensive criteria set forth in the initial eligibility meeting which occurs after testing which occurs after a local screening committee meets which occurs after a parent or teacher requests it...do you get the drift now) rather than reflecting on the fact you have chosen not to parent the child you have, i.e. get them help if they have anxiety, push them towards an ec, or admit that perhaps a top school isn't in the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My junior son is smart, does his homework, cares about school, and has a 4.0+ GPA. However, he refuses to do any extra-curricular activities aside from soccer. I think it's a mental block, he is afraid of change and unpredictability. It's been an issue his whole life, and I've tried to push him but he refuses. Now that we're applying for colleges, I realize what a detriment this lack of extra-curriculars is to his applications. Meanwhile, he has friends who don't have the same mental block about ECs, but they do have exemptions at school because of various mild academic mental issues. They get extra time on tests, they get extensions on assignments, they get extra help paid for by MCPS. They have the same GPA as he does, but they also have the ECs. I don't think this is fair. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, but some types of weakness receive extra school funding and institutional exemptions, while others don't. Can someone explain this to me how this is fair?

"because of various mild academic mental issues..."

Why waste time having a discussion with someone who ignorantly refers to students with academic challenges that are more commonly refer to as developmental disabilities or neurodevelopmental disorders, as having mild academic "mental issues"?

It's obviously not shocking as to why she can't see that her son is just plain lazy though.

There are no "mild" IEP's, lol... maybe she's thinking of a 504?

The OP has zero clue of what goes into getting a child approved for an IEP, and she would be shocked at the sheer lengths that parents have to go through just to get their child accommodations.

It's not like you can just show up with a doctors note with a diagnosis on it and they automatically grant you an IEP, lol.
It's years and years and years of testing, meetings with different departments, filling out paperwork, and advocating, advocating, advocating, etc.

It's actually offensive how easy breezy she thinks it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my junior is similar to yours. A solid student, good grades in rigorous classes, and plays soccer (a LOT). And that’s it. No jobs, no clubs, no volunteering. We’ve discussed how this will limit DC’s college options. And it may not really sink in until DC has some rejections in hand, but it’s been their decision. I can’t make this child be like their sibling who played sports and got great grades but also worked, volunteered and started a club and is now at a T50 college. I’m parenting the child I have, with accordant expectations about college prospects. And neither of us is pointing fingers or looking for scapegoats among their peers.

Say it louder for the people in the back!!

You're a great parent -- I appreciate that you're teaching your kid the correct lessons, in that blame for our shortcomings can only be found in the mirror in front of us.

Why do parents like the OP always look for someone else to blame when their kid fails to launch in the way they'd expected?
Instead of blaming others, you tell him to adapt, accept the things he can no longer change, change what he actually can, and MOVE ON.
Stop looking behind you for answers... what good will that do?

[Anonymous]

OP, you do not want your kid to be the one that still has an IEP in high school. Not only would your kid have to be pretty impaired (the objective for an IEP is not to have the kid perform to the best of their ability, but rather just to be able to “access the curriculum”), but the school staff and peers look down on them. It’s not a pleasant place to be. Literally no one with an IEP is out there living their best life loading up on ECs because of an IEP. If you only knew.

Agree with the other PPs that it is up to the family to provide support for the kid. There are some caring teachers and service providers for sure, but for the most part you’re on your own when it comes to figuring out what your kid needs and how to make it happen. Good luck to you and your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk of how your special needs child overcame

This is a horrible idea. My senior kid with a physical disability from a top stem high school has very high stats, EC, ect…Should have easily had top schools during college admissions. Didn’t write any essays about the disability, but her recommendations did thinking it showed perseverance.
Biggest mistake ever.

Wow, this was illegal unless you gave written permission for the teacher to disclose their disability in the reference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right, and let's say my kid needs extra support to build his resume and pursue college-worthy extra-curriculars. Who pays for that? There are no MCPS funds or aides for that.

You expect your kid to get an IEP to him build a resume and pick some ECs?

You are truly a classic bubble wrapped DCUM special snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk of how your special needs child overcame

This is a horrible idea. My senior kid with a physical disability from a top stem high school has very high stats, EC, ect…Should have easily had top schools during college admissions. Didn’t write any essays about the disability, but her recommendations did thinking it showed perseverance.
Biggest mistake ever.

DP. I'm so sorry for the disappointments. He sounds amazing. Byt, are you sure the reason your kid did not get admissions was because of this disclosure? I've known a few kids at our top magnet who did not get T10 admits. I ask because I have a magnet kid considering addressing adhd in a part of her essay. I think how she has managed it and succeeded says a lot about her, and her grades/scores/ECs are great. May I ask what was your son's disability (or an equivalent if you don't want to disclose) and what he applied for (eg. Was it something that adds an admissions hurdle)?
I hope he is happy with where he is going. Thanks for your insight.

[Anonymous]

Just so you know, OP, most of us with children who have IEPs have spent hours and hours and hours of every year since preschool driving our children to therapies (which we paid $$$$ for) 2-3 times a week, also paid for tutors, also arranged social skills classes. our kids work 3 times as long to finish the same assignment, do all of the above therapies and tutoring AND these kids somehow find it within themselves to also participate in ECs if they want to have a strong college admissions application.

You should really just try to be grateful that your child didn't end up with this massive burden to carry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just so you know, OP, most of us with children who have IEPs have spent hours and hours and hours of every year since preschool driving our children to therapies (which we paid $$$$ for) 2-3 times a week, also paid for tutors, also arranged social skills classes. our kids work 3 times as long to finish the same assignment, do all of the above therapies and tutoring AND these kids somehow find it within themselves to also participate in ECs if they want to have a strong college admissions application.

You should really just try to be grateful that your child didn't end up with this massive burden to carry.

1,000,000x this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My 12th grader had an IEP from K to 11th grade. Now he has a 504.

He was born a micro-preemie, had to endure hundreds of hours of physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy, to learn to chew and swallow, hold items in his hands, walk and talk. He has severe ADHD, high-functioning autism, OCD, abysmally low processing speed, and has terrible fine and gross motor skills. He cannot drive safely, despite many hours of lessons, because he has little spatial awareness and a slow reaction time. And on top of that, he has anaphylactic allergies, asthma, sleep apnea and other medical issues.

And he is graduating high school next month! He is going to college! None of this would have been possible without 18 years of therapeutical interventions, medical treatments, school services and accommodations! His slow processing speed, autism and severe ADHD will handicap him for life. He will have a hard time finding and keeping jobs.

THIS is the sort of kid who gets an IEP. You wouldn't diagnose my son with all of these issues if you met him casually: he can look you in the eye briefly and say hi. Do you really think that your child, who has successfully gone through several years of school without failing and without services and accommodations, is functionally comparable to mine?

The mind boggles at the depth of your ignorance. Do you understand how your lack of knowledge makes you criticize a system that is actually fair?

I hope you learn from my post and never impugn students with IEPs again.

+1