Academic IEPs vs weak extra-curriculars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

You clearly don’t understand what an IEP is. You are talking pure nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My junior son is smart, does his homework, cares about school, and has a 4.0+ GPA. However, he refuses to do any extra-curricular activities aside from soccer. I think it's a mental block, he is afraid of change and unpredictability. It's been an issue his whole life, and I've tried to push him but he refuses. Now that we're applying for colleges, I realize what a detriment this lack of extra-curriculars is to his applications. Meanwhile, he has friends who don't have the same mental block about ECs, but they do have exemptions at school because of various mild academic mental issues. They get extra time on tests, they get extensions on assignments, they get extra help paid for by MCPS. They have the same GPA as he does, but they also have the ECs. I don't think this is fair. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, but some types of weakness receive extra school funding and institutional exemptions, while others don't. Can someone explain this to me how this is fair?

It’s a little late now since he’s a rising senior and applications go in in a few months, but normally for a single subject person like this, you do volunteer and service opportunities in that subject. With soccer, for example, get involved in reffing, volunteering with the coach, and helping teach younger kids. Easier to create a coherent activity section and essay coming off of that.

+1 and get a summer job at a soccer camp.

What if he refuses? This is a type of weakness. Why can't he get some kind of exemption? So many other kids do and their conditions are "mild"! How is this fair?

Please, enough with this "mild" view. You do not walk in the shoes of every single one of those IEP and 504 kids you are denigrating.

What kind of exemption FROM WHAT are you seeking?

I think what OP is saying is that she wants the college-industrial-complex to exempt her kid from having a nice list of ECs on their application. The thing is, OP, you already have that exemption! This requirement does not exist outside of a small number of schools.

Either your son has anxiety for which you should pursue support or he's just stubborn and uninclined to be a joiner. That's fine! He will have plenty of college options, you just need to be open to a wider range of options.

Also, parenting... if he refuses to get a summer job, I'd be sitting him down for a conversation about the $$ I expected him to contribute to college and how does he plan to contribute that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

1. Schools will not help a child with issues that are non-academic. This is not what IEPs and 504s are about. They're about dealing with handicaps that impact academic progress. If your child has needs that impact things other than academics, the school is not legally allowed to help him. IT'S THE LAW. Please get that through your very thick skull. If you don't like the law, and want schools to start helping children beyond being able to access their coursework, then run for office with that platform, or lobby legislators, develop a campaign.

2. Please do not compare yourself to parents who have wept tears weekly and fought with their spouses to the point of divorce, because their children with special needs lead to immense conflict and burdens. It's massively disrespectful of you to think that these families somehow cheat your own child. NO. When are you going to acknowledge that these children with grow into adults with lifelong disabilities, and any temporary "gain" they are allowed to have has to be weighed against all the long-term dysfunction and unhappiness of their chronic condition? Are you telling us your child has a lifelong disability? Are you telling us you spent years chasing psychologists, therapies, and medications for his anxiety or autism? Because you're suspiciously silent on the sacrifices you've made for this child who may or may not have a problem...

Your point of view is incredibly flawed and it's disturbing you cannot see that.

IEP Goals can be both academic and non-academic in nature.

https://flspedlaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/lybarger.pdf

Goals are one thing but services are different. Op thinks those of us with kids who have these imaginary "mild ieps" are getting all kinds of services paid for by the school system to get our children to scouting or sports or who knows what. She's an ignoramus and maybe a troll who posts this kind of crap outside of the sns forum where she'd get the truth even harder. I'm fed up with these posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right, and let's say my kid needs extra support to build his resume and pursue college-worthy extra-curriculars. Who pays for that? There are no MCPS funds or aides for that.

No one gets that, even if they have an IEP. Those are not in the purview of FAPE.

Resume building can absolutely be part of an IEP along with many other underutilized transitional services.

Duh. All the kids in our public school get help building a resume. What ecs have you seen supported in an IEP smarty pants? This poster is clueless, ignorant and lives to tear down these kids she has determined have "mild ieps". It's a condition the rest of us have never heard of. You think you are helping but you aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk of how your special needs child overcame

This is a horrible idea. My senior kid with a physical disability from a top stem high school has very high stats, EC, ect…Should have easily had top schools during college admissions. Didn’t write any essays about the disability, but her recommendations did thinking it showed perseverance.
Biggest mistake ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk of how your special needs child overcame

This is a horrible idea. My senior kid with a physical disability from a top stem high school has very high stats, EC, ect…Should have easily had top schools during college admissions. Didn’t write any essays about the disability, but her recommendations did thinking it showed perseverance.
Biggest mistake ever.

The mistake is thinking that your child would’ve definitely been accepted if it wasn’t for the teacher comments. It’s too random at top schools to think like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

You are either a troll or a fool. Or both.

I agree.

OP, here’s the thing: IEPs really don’t remediate for laziness. A kid who is too lazy to study or finish the test or take advantage of the therapy, won’t get very far despite an IEP. And ECs aren’t required by anyone - so being lazy about something optional is, in fact, the way it is for every kid applying to college. Your kid has focused his energy on his schoolwork and that will probably pay off greatly. He is not a great athlete or a great musician nor did he start three non-profits. It’s okay: very few kids did. There was no extra help offered because none was needed. Your kid will probably get into fine universities and will do well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is part of the S.W.E.A.T. pledge from the DD going into the Trades post. It may be helpful for you and DC to read this carefully and reflect upon it:

10. I believe that I am a product of my choices – not my circumstances. I will never blame anyone for my shortcomings or the challenges I face. And I will never accept the credit for something I didn’t do.

11. I understand the world is not fair, and I’m OK with that. I do not resent the success of others.

12. I believe that all people are created equal. I also believe that all people make choices. Some choose to be lazy. Some choose to sleep in. I choose to work my butt off.

This is some clueless dim bulb Mike Rowe “Dirty Jobs” BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My junior son is smart, does his homework, cares about school, and has a 4.0+ GPA. However, he refuses to do any extra-curricular activities aside from soccer. I think it's a mental block, he is afraid of change and unpredictability. It's been an issue his whole life, and I've tried to push him but he refuses. Now that we're applying for colleges, I realize what a detriment this lack of extra-curriculars is to his applications. Meanwhile, he has friends who don't have the same mental block about ECs, but they do have exemptions at school because of various mild academic mental issues. They get extra time on tests, they get extensions on assignments, they get extra help paid for by MCPS. They have the same GPA as he does, but they also have the ECs. I don't think this is fair. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, but some types of weakness receive extra school funding and institutional exemptions, while others don't. Can someone explain this to me how this is fair?

It’s a little late now since he’s a rising senior and applications go in in a few months, but normally for a single subject person like this, you do volunteer and service opportunities in that subject. With soccer, for example, get involved in reffing, volunteering with the coach, and helping teach younger kids. Easier to create a coherent activity section and essay coming off of that.

+1 and get a summer job at a soccer camp.

What if he refuses? This is a type of weakness. Why can't he get some kind of exemption? So many other kids do and their conditions are "mild"! How is this fair?

DP. Are you some kid trolling the board for fun? This can't be for real. What "mild" conditions are you even talking about, and how foes that possibly relate to your kid not refusing to do anything?

If you are for real:
1. Stop thinking kids with accommodations are somehow privileged. They are NOT.
2. If you really think you kid has a mental/emotional "block," get him therapy. He is also welcome to address that on his Common App. Let the colleges decide if they want to give him an "exemption." Who do you think should create an "exemption?" ECs are what colleges want, so make your case to them and see how that goes for him.
3. More likely than any accommodation, your kid needs parenting. No car unless you are using it to go to job or volunteer work. Volunteering is the easiest thing. How does uour kid earn money? No $ handouts unless volunteering. I'll bet your kid might suddenly get motivated to overcome his block!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

You don't listen, OP. Our kids with accommodations do not get exemptions. They get some supports to help them with their education as required under the law.

ECs are not education under the law.

As we parents of adhd kids have done, you should be actively trying to help your kid, rather than myopically claiming it is not fair. Our kids were not handed accommodations. We have all invested in diagnosis and therapy. What have you done for your kid.

In summary, there are no exemptions for anyone. You demanding them betrays your entitlement. Stop think that SN (eblven "mild" ones) kids somehow have it better. They don't. YOU need to be the answer here and get your kid assessed and in therapy if this is a mental health issue. That's what all the SN parents have done.

Finally, develop some perspective. Your self-centered view of the world is not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

Your son can control his Laziness. The others are not lazy---they were born with various disabilities and work their asses off to accomplish most things academic. They cannot control their disabilities, but can get needed help to make this really hard path in life just a bit "easier" with these accommodations. If you cannot see the difference you need serious help

[Anonymous]

OP if you want your kid to get the nootropics, talk to your doc. Find the drug that will make him be more college app friendly before it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several people who are attacking my son and me are missing the point of the post. Don't you see the irony that you feel it's ok to call my son lazy, but then you attack me for being insensitive to the kids with mild IEPs? How is my son's 'laziness' any different from their 'laziness'? It is all just different types of inability to do different types of things. But some types of inability are given exemptions and institutional supports, while others aren't. And I totally understand if some kids need an IEP to function and feel they have a place in society. I totally, 100% support that, and to say otherwise would be cruel and ignorant. But some kids' IEPs give them a boost to get A+ GPAs, participate in a ton of EC's and attend very selective colleges, things they would not have been able to do without IEPs and other institutional intervention. Meanwhile, kids who do not have IEPs but have other challenges in life do not get that boost. That's the discrepancy I am pointing out.

As a mother of an excellent student with "mild" disabilities, I wish our life on you, OP. Believe me, you don't want it. You don't want to deal with what we deal with on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

Lol. I missed this thread until I read Jeff’s summary. I just skimmed it and assumes OP meant “GPA” and mistyped “IEP.”

Anyway. OP my kid has both an IEP and is reluctant to do extracurriculars. Would be great if instead of deciding to attack kids with IEPs, you realized that we could make common cause about thinking about ways kids who have difficulty accessing extracurriculars for any reason could be encouraged better to participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my junior is similar to yours. A solid student, good grades in rigorous classes, and plays soccer (a LOT). And that’s it. No jobs, no clubs, no volunteering. We’ve discussed how this will limit DC’s college options. And it may not really sink in until DC has some rejections in hand, but it’s been their decision. I can’t make this child be like their sibling who played sports and got great grades but also worked, volunteered and started a club and is now at a T50 college. I’m parenting the child I have, with accordant expectations about college prospects. And neither of us is pointing fingers or looking for scapegoats among their peers.

It’s great that your other kid was more active but your “lazy” kid may do better in life. I just had drinks with a friend who is a professor at a state flagship, and whose life philosophy is to be lazy (or “build in slack” as he says). Nice house, nice family, nice neighborhood, nice kids, nice hobbies … it’s to be aspired to actually!