Why is it so hard for young adults to find good partners?

[Anonymous]

They usually do find good partners in early 20's but everyone tells them to break up and experience more relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because social media has led women to believe most “average” guys make 6 figs, are 6ft tall, have a nice car, and are 6in downstairs when in reality this is the top 5-10% of men. Therefore all women chase the top 10% and the average men are left behind and labeled as “incels”

I know a lot of women that make six figures, can take care of children and cook and are pretty and fit and have at least a size B breast. It's more than 5-10%.

By and large women have their $hit together and most of the males don’t.

By and large the men who have their "sh t" together have no room in their lives for angry women who think the world has done them wrong.

Switch the genders.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of complaining about being unable to find a partner on TikTok, Reddit, the news—all by men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The culture of instant gratification, the in-person awkwardness after so much screen time, the imbalanced male-female ratio at colleges, the idea that you have to have all the boxes checked before settling down, the decline of social pressure to get married and have children, the ideal of your partner being your all-in-one emotional, economic, physical soulmate...

Add to that (and this is part of instant gratification) addiction to pornography. I am a millennial woman and all the men my age I ever dated had this problem and therefore "performed" like men 60+ years old.

And the culture of every young person having a diagnosed mental health problem and being on medication probably doesn't help. Many psych meds mess with libido, too. I'm sure they help some young people, but for the majority of teens, I don't think the benefits outweigh the risks.

One thing I will say about this PP, which I largely agree with, is that I think the declining pressure to marry/have children is a good thing. Many people should not have kids. Many people should have fewer kids than the "2.5" picket fence ideal. It is good to be thoughtful and cautious about these choices.

PP you replied to. Good point about pornography. Broader than psych meds, I would look to the decline in emotional strength/resilience. Young people complain about how difficult “adulting” is.

I think the poster who mentioned the decline in the importance of religion is correct that this may also be a contributing factor.

Adulting is f*ing hard. Every day. Draining. What are we doing differently as millennials that makes us feel that way more than other generations?

Living far away from our parents and extended families

Accepting a higher cost of living for essential things (college, housing, etc.)

Forgoing a source of community - yes, church used to be one of these sources, but can also form one's own community through neighbors/friends/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The culture of instant gratification, the in-person awkwardness after so much screen time, the imbalanced male-female ratio at colleges, the idea that you have to have all the boxes checked before settling down, the decline of social pressure to get married and have children, the ideal of your partner being your all-in-one emotional, economic, physical soulmate...

Add to that (and this is part of instant gratification) addiction to pornography. I am a millennial woman and all the men my age I ever dated had this problem and therefore "performed" like men 60+ years old.

And the culture of every young person having a diagnosed mental health problem and being on medication probably doesn't help. Many psych meds mess with libido, too. I'm sure they help some young people, but for the majority of teens, I don't think the benefits outweigh the risks.

One thing I will say about this PP, which I largely agree with, is that I think the declining pressure to marry/have children is a good thing. Many people should not have kids. Many people should have fewer kids than the "2.5" picket fence ideal. It is good to be thoughtful and cautious about these choices.

PP you replied to. Good point about pornography. Broader than psych meds, I would look to the decline in emotional strength/resilience. Young people complain about how difficult “adulting” is.

I think the poster who mentioned the decline in the importance of religion is correct that this may also be a contributing factor.

Adulting is f*ing hard. Every day. Draining. What are we doing differently as millennials that makes us feel that way more than other generations?

Living far away from our parents and extended families

Accepting a higher cost of living for essential things (college, housing, etc.)

Forgoing a source of community - yes, church used to be one of these sources, but can also form one's own community through neighbors/friends/etc.

Oh would also add: I read an article recently about how certain admin tasks are now forced on "knowledge workers" that used to be outsourced to lower-level staff, like secretaries. That is making everything exhausting in terms of household management, making doc appts, communicating with schools...all the "mom work" that makes up the "mental load"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are falling behind. Many young women are not interested in being the breadwinner AND default parent. It’s a sh!t deal and they know it.

These young women are making big money and don’t NEED men. Many of the guys haven’t caught on yet.

The war of the sexes takes an interesting twist. In other words, men are choosing living over money. Men have the upper hand because they don’t care about “nesting” “family” or “stability”. They can happily exist in Chaos. All the burden for women’s desires falls on their own shoulders. Although they do need men to invent, create and build 99 percent of civilized infrastructure, systems, modern machines and devices, political systems, food production, medicine, education systems, technology and intoxication substances/fluids.

No. Women literally needed men to simply live their lives on a micro level. They needed a man to open a bank account. Buy a home or rent an apartment. Get a line of credit.

Women no longer NEED men on a micro level to just exist. And some men are struggling with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because social media has led women to believe most “average” guys make 6 figs, are 6ft tall, have a nice car, and are 6in downstairs when in reality this is the top 5-10% of men. Therefore all women chase the top 10% and the average men are left behind and labeled as “incels”

I was six foot two inch, had a big cock and drove a Mercedes convertible when 29 and single. The Mercedes was required. Can’t catch ladies without a Mercedes

[Anonymous]

The market is undefeated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The culture of instant gratification, the in-person awkwardness after so much screen time, the imbalanced male-female ratio at colleges, the idea that you have to have all the boxes checked before settling down, the decline of social pressure to get married and have children, the ideal of your partner being your all-in-one emotional, economic, physical soulmate...

Add to that (and this is part of instant gratification) addiction to pornography. I am a millennial woman and all the men my age I ever dated had this problem and therefore "performed" like men 60+ years old.

And the culture of every young person having a diagnosed mental health problem and being on medication probably doesn't help. Many psych meds mess with libido, too. I'm sure they help some young people, but for the majority of teens, I don't think the benefits outweigh the risks.

One thing I will say about this PP, which I largely agree with, is that I think the declining pressure to marry/have children is a good thing. Many people should not have kids. Many people should have fewer kids than the "2.5" picket fence ideal. It is good to be thoughtful and cautious about these choices.

PP you replied to. Good point about pornography. Broader than psych meds, I would look to the decline in emotional strength/resilience. Young people complain about how difficult “adulting” is.

I think the poster who mentioned the decline in the importance of religion is correct that this may also be a contributing factor.

Adulting is f*ing hard. Every day. Draining. What are we doing differently as millennials that makes us feel that way more than other generations?

As a GenX, I grew up in an atmosphere of benign neglect, and experienced a range of ups and downs since I was a kid. If your parents dedicated themselves to make your childhood a perfectly curated and 100% blissful experience (as we are told to do for our kids), switching to the adulthood mode IS f*ing hard.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a lot of people who are entitled and a lot of people with no skills and no one really wants these people long term or even if they do these people turn on them. The people with skills who aren't entitled seem to have zero problems finding a mate and keeping them.

[Anonymous]

It used to be a lot of people - more than 20% - would meet at work, hit it off, start dating, and get married, the latter three of which risk the wrath of HR, and the none of which are as fruitful in this time of work-from-home. Met at work is down below 10%, and surely much lower than that, now. Thank goodness we're protected from sexual harassment, we whisper to ourselves as we head back to our empty apartment.

https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/ccxh4j/how_couples_meet_chart_july_2019/

(NB that "met at a restaurant", which seems to be spiking up, is now nearly all people who initially met online.)