Setting $ limit on teen bday dinner with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to pick another place. It's awkward to tell folks what they can't order, and it will make your guests embarrassed.

This. There is always one clueless kid that wants to order the lobster or the most expensive thing on the menu for shits and giggles.

Pick a place that won't freak you out if they do. No one needs that fall out.

This. Anything else is awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say pick a different restaurant. It is vulgar to take people out but impose a cash limit.

This

Our 13 year old son wanted to invite 10-12 friends for a nice dinner.

We had the restaurant print menus with no prices. Gave him plenty of cash to cover main, salad, dessert, plenty of apps for every one and a generous tip.

Parents all met up a restaurant a couple of doors down.

GM actually called the next day to say that his staff told him how awesome the kids were and they would love to have them back any time.

[Anonymous]

You set a limit on how many kids, not on what they can order. If you can't stomach spending X amount, invite fewer kids.

[Anonymous]

I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say pick a different restaurant. It is vulgar to take people out but impose a cash limit.

This

Our 13 year old son wanted to invite 10-12 friends for a nice dinner.

We had the restaurant print menus with no prices. Gave him plenty of cash to cover main, salad, dessert, plenty of apps for every one and a generous tip.

Parents all met up a restaurant a couple of doors down.

GM actually called the next day to say that his staff told him how awesome the kids were and they would love to have them back any time.

What does this have anything to do with the OPs situation or concern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

Why not just pick a reasonable place and say these are your options. Meal, drink and desert or cake. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

God that’s tacky. Expecting invited guests to pay for their dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Restaurant might be able to accommodate a pre fixe menu where options are more limited. You could ask.

Start here first. The restaurant can print a special menu for your son’s birthday.

[Anonymous]

A special menu is a nice idea - kids may not connect it to controlling costs and instead think it’s fancy. I’m an adult and I still get a kick out of it when places like Inn at Little Washington have a menu with our name on it and happy birthday or anniversary wishes.

If you can’t do a special menu, enlist the help of a good friend. We all know which kids in our child’s friend group are responsible and level headed. We also know which child is the one who will eat your snack drawer bare and have the audacity to say “next time you’re at Costco Mrs B, can you get (expensive item)?” We also know which of our kid’s friends is the ring leader / good ball / popular one who would order the lobster or steak to be cool and then encourage other kids to do the same. It’s not just one clueless spoiled kid who likes lobster rolls because her grandma lives in Maine. It’s the popular kid ordering steak - and everyone else saying “me too!” This is where the sensible friend comes in. You tell the friend you aren’t putting a strict limit, but you hope they don’t go overboard- then give examples. Ask the friend to pipe up “dude that’s not cool” so your child doesn’t have to stress about looking cheap on his birthday. I know my kid would rather crawl under the table and die than tell a friend his frugal mom said “no gold plated dessert or table side guacamole” - but if a friend said it, he’d agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A special menu is a nice idea - kids may not connect it to controlling costs and instead think it’s fancy. I’m an adult and I still get a kick out of it when places like Inn at Little Washington have a menu with our name on it and happy birthday or anniversary wishes.

If you can’t do a special menu, enlist the help of a good friend. We all know which kids in our child’s friend group are responsible and level headed. We also know which child is the one who will eat your snack drawer bare and have the audacity to say “next time you’re at Costco Mrs B, can you get (expensive item)?” We also know which of our kid’s friends is the ring leader / good ball / popular one who would order the lobster or steak to be cool and then encourage other kids to do the same. It’s not just one clueless spoiled kid who likes lobster rolls because her grandma lives in Maine. It’s the popular kid ordering steak - and everyone else saying “me too!” This is where the sensible friend comes in. You tell the friend you aren’t putting a strict limit, but you hope they don’t go overboard- then give examples. Ask the friend to pipe up “dude that’s not cool” so your child doesn’t have to stress about looking cheap on his birthday. I know my kid would rather crawl under the table and die than tell a friend his frugal mom said “no gold plated dessert or table side guacamole” - but if a friend said it, he’d agree.

Nope- that is so unfair to put pressure on another kid to speak up if someone orders something too expensive. Horrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

God that’s tacky. Expecting invited guests to pay for their dinner?

The solution satisfied a variety of factors. DD's birthday is one of the first few in the group, and not every family is well off. Setting a tone of now that they're teens, have large friend groups, and all work, sometimes the kids pay, sometimes the parents subsidize, sometimes the parents pay has been well accepted in her group.

[Anonymous]

We took out 6 girls for DD's bday. To keep costs reasonable, We didn't pass out menus. We ordered two appetizers for the table. I preselected 3 entree choices off the menu and and told the girls to choose from those three. The also all ordered Shirley temples. It was a fun night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

God that’s tacky. Expecting invited guests to pay for their dinner?

The solution satisfied a variety of factors. DD's birthday is one of the first few in the group, and not every family is well off. Setting a tone of now that they're teens, have large friend groups, and all work, sometimes the kids pay, sometimes the parents subsidize, sometimes the parents pay has been well accepted in her group.

If parents are not able to afford it you go somewhere cheaper.

[Anonymous]

I agree with all the posters saying just choose a less expensive restaurant. A birthday party is a celebration- with a fun, warm and generous vibe. Lots of pizza and soda, mozzarella sticks and dessert. What could be better? I hate when people skimp on food at parties or weddings that try to do too much with too little. Bland chicken and cheap champagne. I would rather have a sandwich with really good bread and a Diet Coke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say pick a different restaurant. It is vulgar to take people out but impose a cash limit.

This

Our 13 year old son wanted to invite 10-12 friends for a nice dinner.

We had the restaurant print menus with no prices. Gave him plenty of cash to cover main, salad, dessert, plenty of apps for every one and a generous tip.

Parents all met up a restaurant a couple of doors down.

GM actually called the next day to say that his staff told him how awesome the kids were and they would love to have them back any time.

What does this have anything to do with the OPs situation or concern?

Umm

1. I was agreeing with another poster
2. I shared how we handled a similar situation
3. Shared a possible solution of having a custom menu with pricing removed hinting at also removing the items that are above OPs budget

So I don’t make this epic mistake again and offend you with my ignorant responses in the future, let me know why my initial response is not relevant to the topic?