Setting $ limit on teen bday dinner with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A special menu is a nice idea - kids may not connect it to controlling costs and instead think it’s fancy. I’m an adult and I still get a kick out of it when places like Inn at Little Washington have a menu with our name on it and happy birthday or anniversary wishes.

If you can’t do a special menu, enlist the help of a good friend. We all know which kids in our child’s friend group are responsible and level headed. We also know which child is the one who will eat your snack drawer bare and have the audacity to say “next time you’re at Costco Mrs B, can you get (expensive item)?” We also know which of our kid’s friends is the ring leader / good ball / popular one who would order the lobster or steak to be cool and then encourage other kids to do the same. It’s not just one clueless spoiled kid who likes lobster rolls because her grandma lives in Maine. It’s the popular kid ordering steak - and everyone else saying “me too!” This is where the sensible friend comes in. You tell the friend you aren’t putting a strict limit, but you hope they don’t go overboard- then give examples. Ask the friend to pipe up “dude that’s not cool” so your child doesn’t have to stress about looking cheap on his birthday. I know my kid would rather crawl under the table and die than tell a friend his frugal mom said “no gold plated dessert or table side guacamole” - but if a friend said it, he’d agree.

Nope- that is so unfair to put pressure on another kid to speak up if someone orders something too expensive. Horrible idea.

This. You are an adult. You give them choices and say no. Or send the items to the parents prior so you can order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

Why bother asking for $10? Just invite less kids or go to a more affordable place. That is one bizarre “solution.”
It’s a birthday party! You are hosting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter did this with her friends. I gave my daughter cash to pay for the dinner. I think I gave $250, and it was to cover dinner & tip. It was more than enough (four kids).

This is what I would do. DS says, “we have $250 for dinner.” They’ll work it out unless one of the friends is a big jerk.

Fine if it’s more than enough to cover, not if it’s so low that they can each order only a few entrees, no sodas or appetizers, dessert, etc. seems confusing.

Yes. The kids should be able to order an appetizer, entree, dessert, soda. If they have to punch numbers into a calculator and "figure it out," that's all your kid and his guests will remember. The guests' parents will also remember, and your kid may get left out of expensive dinners and outings.

If you can't afford it, pick a different restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A special menu is a nice idea - kids may not connect it to controlling costs and instead think it’s fancy. I’m an adult and I still get a kick out of it when places like Inn at Little Washington have a menu with our name on it and happy birthday or anniversary wishes.

If you can’t do a special menu, enlist the help of a good friend. We all know which kids in our child’s friend group are responsible and level headed. We also know which child is the one who will eat your snack drawer bare and have the audacity to say “next time you’re at Costco Mrs B, can you get (expensive item)?” We also know which of our kid’s friends is the ring leader / good ball / popular one who would order the lobster or steak to be cool and then encourage other kids to do the same. It’s not just one clueless spoiled kid who likes lobster rolls because her grandma lives in Maine. It’s the popular kid ordering steak - and everyone else saying “me too!” This is where the sensible friend comes in. You tell the friend you aren’t putting a strict limit, but you hope they don’t go overboard- then give examples. Ask the friend to pipe up “dude that’s not cool” so your child doesn’t have to stress about looking cheap on his birthday. I know my kid would rather crawl under the table and die than tell a friend his frugal mom said “no gold plated dessert or table side guacamole” - but if a friend said it, he’d agree.

So PP, you'd never stand for some "frugal mom" making your DC police the prices of his friends' orders. You have no problem making some other kid do it though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this for my daughter, and the solution we came up with was asking each friend to pitch in $10, but i would pay for the rest. They e-transferred to dd or brought cash. It evened out just fine and was a little lower total than I expected.

God that’s tacky. Expecting invited guests to pay for their dinner?

Making your kid's friends pay to go to DC's birthday party. "It was a little lower total than what I expected." Gross.

[Anonymous]

The answer is that the restaurant he picked is not fine, because there are some $40 entrees on it. Would you do this with adult friends (invited them and say they can’t order x or y)? Pick a different restaurant, invite less friends, pay whatever the bill is and accept it, or ask for a preselected menu that the kids are handed.

My kids have been to bday celebrations like this and I’ll pay but it is a little tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Restaurant might be able to accommodate a pre fixe menu where options are more limited. You could ask.

I had this thought too. They might make up a Happy Birthday Larlo menu for a big group. If we are talking 4 kids it's a lot to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is that the restaurant he picked is not fine, because there are some $40 entrees on it. Would you do this with adult friends (invited them and say they can’t order x or y)? Pick a different restaurant, invite less friends, pay whatever the bill is and accept it, or ask for a preselected menu that the kids are handed.

My kids have been to bday celebrations like this and I’ll pay but it is a little tacky.

It’s a lot tacky.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you were able to figure something out and your teen had a fun birthday.

This thread is a great example of all the different assumption people bring into things. My family has no expectation of ordering an appetizer, drink, entree and dessert - that is not how we dine when we go out. We also would tell our children not to order the most expensive thing when being treated by someone else. We also, though, are of the opinion that it's better to try to have people cover their costs instead of splitting the bill equally when going out in a group - especially when there are wide differences in income. I do think it's better to assume that someone in the group may be more money-sensitive and try to accommodate that rather than assume everyone is indifferent and can afford whatever.

Only you know if your kid is with a group of kids that are really affluent and may not be as sensitive to money concerns or if he's with a group of friends that are money conscious so would understand some limits being placed. Good luck!