The urge to SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Do you talk like this in front of your daughters? Crapping on other women’s careers as nothing special and unimpressive? I work and my DD has never heard me say one negative thing about any woman’s choice, whether it’s working a lot more than I do or staying home. I’m aware she may make other choices and I will support her regardless, so the last thing I want is her feeling like I’m going to be looking down on her choices because she’s heard me talking down other women in the past. But I also don’t think middle class is an insult so YMMV….

DP. I’m sure PP would say the same applies to men. Most people are working for a paycheck and their jobs aren’t that meaningful. Some jobs are important and change lives, but most do not. Most people would not show up to work if their employer stopped paying them.

I do pity you and the other posters who find very little meaning from work. Either you are in the wrong line of work, or you are too stressed out from life in general to take a breath and enjoy things. It is rewarding to use your brain in different ways, think analytically, get an adrenaline rush from preparing for a big project or meeting or case or surgery and then the endorphins from knocking it out of the ballpark. And this is true whether you are a scientist at Sloan Kettering who made a breakthrough discovery, or an accountant at Widgets Inc.

If it’s so great then why do they have to pay you to do it? I’d argue that YOU are the one with something wrong since you find so much meaning out of a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Do you talk like this in front of your daughters? Crapping on other women’s careers as nothing special and unimpressive? I work and my DD has never heard me say one negative thing about any woman’s choice, whether it’s working a lot more than I do or staying home. I’m aware she may make other choices and I will support her regardless, so the last thing I want is her feeling like I’m going to be looking down on her choices because she’s heard me talking down other women in the past. But I also don’t think middle class is an insult so YMMV….

DP. I’m sure PP would say the same applies to men. Most people are working for a paycheck and their jobs aren’t that meaningful. Some jobs are important and change lives, but most do not. Most people would not show up to work if their employer stopped paying them.

I do pity you and the other posters who find very little meaning from work. Either you are in the wrong line of work, or you are too stressed out from life in general to take a breath and enjoy things. It is rewarding to use your brain in different ways, think analytically, get an adrenaline rush from preparing for a big project or meeting or case or surgery and then the endorphins from knocking it out of the ballpark. And this is true whether you are a scientist at Sloan Kettering who made a breakthrough discovery, or an accountant at Widgets Inc.

If it’s so great then why do they have to pay you to do it? I’d argue that YOU are the one with something wrong since you find so much meaning out of a job.

Again, if your argument is that it is not possible to derive enjoyment from paid work, then I truly pity you. Maybe someone else can explain it to you better than I can. But you and your ilk have an incredibly sad worldview. I would not be surprised if you were depressed actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

DP And you are working hard to convince yourself that there is little value in caring for your own children and your home. That narrow view only serves as a rationalization of your choices but it's not convincing anybody else it's the only right thing to do. Including your daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the urge is a factor of how difficult the baby is.
Colicky spit up baby? Can't wait to get back to the office.
Easy happy baby? Who wouldn't love to be around that?

Not always. Having a high needs baby is what convinced me to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

Dp: That is an awfully limiting world view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

I don’t have to convince myself. I was a working mom for many years. I think I have gotten used to a leisurely life. I had a career for fifteen years before I stopped working. My friends seem to be working to pay for kids’ college and retirement. We are fully funded for both. Dh doesn’t have to work either.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't have to be either or.

I did leisurely when I stayed home for 10 years with a full time nanny and full time housekeeper. Belonged to clubs, lunched with friends, worked out, got nails, hair, massage. Quality time with kids. It was great until my youngest moved up to elementary school. I was insanely bored and restless, and I felt useless.

Now, I am passionate about my work and the program I manage. I care about the project and the people I work with. Also, work provides endless opportunities to learn and improve, which I love. PP above described it well when you set a challenge, prepare, perform, evaluate. But there are also many day to day challenges and opportunities: for example to ideate, then gather research and information, and then synthesize it into next steps or innovation, then turn that into a plan of action.

Work also provides opportunities to improve myself in my interpersonal relationships, to be a person of integrity, to gain confidence and build relationships. For me it is a vehicle for inspiration and creativity and self-improvement and to exercise my curiosity. I really love it and wish this for my children and everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt like the majority of women who want to SAH hate their jobs or aren’t big earners. I know there are exceptions but that’s how it’s played out in my social circle. I am not at all judging— I think people who want to SAH and can should.

This is it. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt like the majority of women who want to SAH hate their jobs or aren’t big earners. I know there are exceptions but that’s how it’s played out in my social circle. I am not at all judging— I think people who want to SAH and can should.

This is it. LOL

I think most women and men don’t love their jobs. They may not hate it but they don’t love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Sure, but what they don’t get is the working professionals look down on them in reverse. There is mutual derision going on, as well as mutual pity. And probably, deep down for both groups and for a subset, mutual envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Sure, but what they don’t get is the working professionals look down on them in reverse. There is mutual derision going on, as well as mutual pity. And probably, deep down for both groups and for a subset, mutual envy.

BOOM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt like the majority of women who want to SAH hate their jobs or aren’t big earners. I know there are exceptions but that’s how it’s played out in my social circle. I am not at all judging— I think people who want to SAH and can should.

This is it. LOL

I think most women and men don’t love their jobs. They may not hate it but they don’t love it.

Right. This is how my DH feels about his job, but he has no interest in staying home with the kids. I actually like my job more than he does, but I would stay home if it was financially possible.

I think the assumption that the ONLY reason someone might want to SAHM is to escape a job they hate really underestimates the pleasures of work in the home. I’m a working mom and that works for me, but some people on DCUM talk like being a SAHM is just mindless, unrewarding drudgery. That really doesn’t reflect the lives of any of the SAHMs I know. Just as some people like doing customer service and others hate it, or some people like working in isolated roles and others don’t, there are absolutely people who love the work of being a SAHM. When you deny this or assume these women simply have no other options, you are buying into some ideas about work that I think are pretty toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Sure, but what they don’t get is the working professionals look down on them in reverse. There is mutual derision going on, as well as mutual pity. And probably, deep down for both groups and for a subset, mutual envy.

I truly don’t think women can have it all. I don’t work now. I was a working mom before and will likely go back to work soon. I don’t envy working women now. However, I did envy the moms who were home with their babies, toddlers and little kids when I was working. I wanted to take my kid to music class and to the park. I hated being stuck in the office. I was very good at my job and made a high six figure income. DH earned high six figures when I took a break. Now he earns seven figures and we had another baby. I am in no rush to go back to work. I have sincerely enjoyed and taken advantage of my time with my baby. I feel bad that I wasn’t able to do so with my other two children.