The urge to SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

For me it has gotten much harder to juggle everything now that my children are in elementary school. The school day is shorter, there are many more holidays, more school events in the middle of the work day, and other demands on my time. I found it much easier to work full time when my children were in full day daycare/preschool. I considered staying home briefly when my 1st was a newborn and was glad to have a job to go back to by the time I finished my 2nd maternity leave, but am again thinking about it seriously with a 6 year old and a 4.5 year old.

There are definitely valid reasons to SAH while kids are in school. I just know several people that only chose to start SAH once their kids were in school and they all say it's because they want to be with their kids. It just comes across a little odd because they formerly had their kids in daycare from 7:30am-6pm and they could have had them at home all day with them instead, but now that they're in school for hours every day it's suddenly important for the mom to be in the (child-free) home.

DP, but one could argue that in ways, being home with older children when they’re fully aware of it is more critical - they start needing help with homework, or having a say in their schedules and social lives. In some ways, childcare for babies and preschoolers is less complicated (though equally or more exhausting.)

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant with my third and have no desire to be a SAHM. I make over $250K, am fully remote and work a lot with Asia and the West Coast so have a lot of flexibility during the day, have an amazing FT nanny, and really like my job. From a financial standpoint, I would never recoup all the lost earnings if I left the workforce now (even if I planned to only be out until my youngest was in K) and from a personal fulfillment standpoint I would be unhappy. I feel like I get the best of both worlds now and I am so grateful that I feel very little/no guilt about my choices. I also have two girls (third child's gender is a mystery) and am aware of the impact that having a working mother has on girls in particular.

But you do you OP. I wouldn't judge a parent (male or female) for their decision on this topic, it's very personal.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I want to stay “home” (teleworking now) - and be there for them during their younger years. However - the only reason is money. I feel that I have the financial resources now to help provide for them. But truly - it takes so much energy to look after a household. Between being a chef, chauffeur, cleaner, activity coordinator and such it is a full time job in itself…but such is life and I try to focus on positives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

For me it has gotten much harder to juggle everything now that my children are in elementary school. The school day is shorter, there are many more holidays, more school events in the middle of the work day, and other demands on my time. I found it much easier to work full time when my children were in full day daycare/preschool. I considered staying home briefly when my 1st was a newborn and was glad to have a job to go back to by the time I finished my 2nd maternity leave, but am again thinking about it seriously with a 6 year old and a 4.5 year old.

There are definitely valid reasons to SAH while kids are in school. I just know several people that only chose to start SAH once their kids were in school and they all say it's because they want to be with their kids. It just comes across a little odd because they formerly had their kids in daycare from 7:30am-6pm and they could have had them at home all day with them instead, but now that they're in school for hours every day it's suddenly important for the mom to be in the (child-free) home.

Exactly. It’s so transparent and no one is fooled, except possibly the women’s husbands. I’ve been at home since my first was born and the school years an infinitely easier. And my husband knows this too.

[Anonymous]

If you want to stay home and can, do it. If you don't want to stay home and can return to work, do it. Whatever works best for you is great.
I always wanted to stay home with my kids and did so. I really loved it. I mean, REALLY loved it. Yes, some days were exhausting, boring, repetitive. But many were amazing and wonderful. But, if staying home felt bad? I would have gone back to work. See how you feel after baby is born and you'll know what's best for you. And sometimes, part time work can be a good middle ground, too.

[Anonymous]

Most moms feels the urge, its natural. However, taking care of home and raising children in exhausting. There is a reason cleaners and nannies are expensive even with no degrees, experience and skills, its hard work.

Its also very expensive, not only the years you don't get salary and then have to restart with resume gap.

Its also a social suicide as everyone would judge you and assume you are a lower being because you don't "work". It also puts you at disadvantage if you need to divorce and restart life.

Think hard before making this decision. It can be done with right mindset and good resources but its a thankless job.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what nature intended for babies? Be with their loving parents or be with indifferent caretakers and see parents only for a couple of waking hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most moms feels the urge, its natural. However, taking care of home and raising children in exhausting. There is a reason cleaners and nannies are expensive even with no degrees, experience and skills, its hard work.

Its also very expensive, not only the years you don't get salary and then have to restart with resume gap.

Its also a social suicide as everyone would judge you and assume you are a lower being because you don't "work". It also puts you at disadvantage if you need to divorce and restart life.

Think hard before making this decision. It can be done with right mindset and good resources but its a thankless job.

We clearly run in different circles. Where I live, SAH is a status symbol and moms who work do so mostly out of financial need, not desire to work. Once the kids go to ES, many women go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pregnant with my third and have no desire to be a SAHM. I make over $250K, am fully remote and work a lot with Asia and the West Coast so have a lot of flexibility during the day, have an amazing FT nanny, and really like my job. From a financial standpoint, I would never recoup all the lost earnings if I left the workforce now (even if I planned to only be out until my youngest was in K) and from a personal fulfillment standpoint I would be unhappy. I feel like I get the best of both worlds now and I am so grateful that I feel very little/no guilt about my choices. I also have two girls (third child's gender is a mystery) and am aware of the impact that having a working mother has on girls in particular.

But you do you OP. I wouldn't judge a parent (male or female) for their decision on this topic, it's very personal.

I wonder how old your oldest is? The younger years are the easiest to balance work and parenting - my youngest is 5 and I’m quitting to SAHP in February (I have 3 girls).

I know plenty of families where both parents work, but both parents typically have some flexibility in their work schedule, or they have local family - with three kids they need you for homework/activities, and they stop going to bed at 7 pm. Even then, every FT working mom I know stresses about their work-life balance. Many have gone PT or quit.

I make $200K, have flexibility, love my job, don’t feel guilt abut working. and will still quit because DH makes a lot more money than I do, and I want to spend time with my kids without stressing about my work. Never would have imagined when my kids were younger I would be a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

I SAH after my 2nd was born. It was just glorious to be with them. My DH thinks that I am very maternal and so I did not get annoyed being with our children at home and as a result our family and kids thrived.

Yes, I am maternal and I enjoyed being with my kids above all else but I had put in place a solid support system. I did not have money issues, husband issue, did not feel isolated, had family support etc. Also, I acted like any man would have behaved in my shoes (and patted themselves on their backs for being so clever) - I outsourced all domestic chores that I could, I spent $$$ to have childcare solution in place after my kid was 3 yrs old, and I did not feel guilty for spending the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what nature intended for babies? Be with their loving parents or be with indifferent caretakers and see parents only for a couple of waking hours?

I don't know what nature intended but I do know that I was not interested in letting anybody else except my husband and I care for our children when they were infants and toddlers except for occasionally. These days parents are conditioned to resist those urges though. I do not think it's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what nature intended for babies? Be with their loving parents or be with indifferent caretakers and see parents only for a couple of waking hours?

We are so far from nature its not even funny. A few closer to nature native societies all still farm or gather with babies tied to their backs and women have baby after baby because so many die. And women and aunts and grandmothers all take care of the toddlers together and family units arent 3-4 people with 2 adults and 2 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what nature intended for babies? Be with their loving parents or be with indifferent caretakers and see parents only for a couple of waking hours?

I don't know what nature intended but I do know that I was not interested in letting anybody else except my husband and I care for our children when they were infants and toddlers except for occasionally. These days parents are conditioned to resist those urges though. I do not think it's a good thing.

Sure. And i and most of my friends were taken care of by grandmothers while our mothers went and worked to have food and shelter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

For me it has gotten much harder to juggle everything now that my children are in elementary school. The school day is shorter, there are many more holidays, more school events in the middle of the work day, and other demands on my time. I found it much easier to work full time when my children were in full day daycare/preschool. I considered staying home briefly when my 1st was a newborn and was glad to have a job to go back to by the time I finished my 2nd maternity leave, but am again thinking about it seriously with a 6 year old and a 4.5 year old.

There are definitely valid reasons to SAH while kids are in school. I just know several people that only chose to start SAH once their kids were in school and they all say it's because they want to be with their kids. It just comes across a little odd because they formerly had their kids in daycare from 7:30am-6pm and they could have had them at home all day with them instead, but now that they're in school for hours every day it's suddenly important for the mom to be in the (child-free) home.

I mean, everyone tries to paint themselves in the best light. What are they supposed to say? “I am lazy and want to nap for 5-6 hours instead of watching my own kids so I wait until they go to school to stay at home.” LOL. Of course they’re not going to admit that. But people are free to do whatever they want. If they have enough money to stay home and hang out, what’s wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

I did both, and both sahm and wohm are hard when the kids are young. When the kids are in elementary school and up is when sahm becomes much easier (sadly I was back at work by then).

If I were you; I would find part time work with care for the kids during the part time work. I worked part time at night and it was exhausting, I never got a break. Part time would be so ideal right now. If you can find that; do it.