The urge to SAH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt like the majority of women who want to SAH hate their jobs or aren’t big earners. I know there are exceptions but that’s how it’s played out in my social circle. I am not at all judging— I think people who want to SAH and can should.

This is it. LOL

I think most women and men don’t love their jobs. They may not hate it but they don’t love it.

Right. This is how my DH feels about his job, but he has no interest in staying home with the kids. I actually like my job more than he does, but I would stay home if it was financially possible.

I think the assumption that the ONLY reason someone might want to SAHM is to escape a job they hate really underestimates the pleasures of work in the home. I’m a working mom and that works for me, but some people on DCUM talk like being a SAHM is just mindless, unrewarding drudgery. That really doesn’t reflect the lives of any of the SAHMs I know. Just as some people like doing customer service and others hate it, or some people like working in isolated roles and others don’t, there are absolutely people who love the work of being a SAHM. When you deny this or assume these women simply have no other options, you are buying into some ideas about work that I think are pretty toxic.

I loved my work. I worked hard for my degrees. I just loved my kids more. We didn’t need my income. DH earns more than enough so I decided to stay home and it was the right decision for our family. I absolutely would continue to work if it made any difference in our lifestyle. I could get a job making 100 or 200 or 300 but it would make no difference in our life whatsoever. I tried working part time and it was a nuisance. It was the worst of both worlds. The part time work was not fulfilling and paid poorly and felt like a waste of time. I’m sure I could find a better paying job but then it would be more demanding.

[Anonymous]

I stay home now but plan to start a business with my son or sons. I have one very entrepreneurial son. It will be fulfilling for me and it could give him a boost for college admissions. Win win for us. I am also very passionate about volunteering. While I won’t necessarily be paid at a job, it isn’t like I’m just sitting around cooking and cleaning all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt like the majority of women who want to SAH hate their jobs or aren’t big earners. I know there are exceptions but that’s how it’s played out in my social circle. I am not at all judging— I think people who want to SAH and can should.

This is it. LOL

My experience has been that regardless of who was the bigger income earner, many women I know who SAH realized that as much as they loved their work, their priorities shifted and work became incompatible with what they and their family wanted and needed once the kids came along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

SAH parents are still in the "adult world." You have serious issues though if you strongly believe all women must work for money their entire lives. Very controlling, you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt like the majority of women who want to SAH hate their jobs or aren’t big earners. I know there are exceptions but that’s how it’s played out in my social circle. I am not at all judging— I think people who want to SAH and can should.

This is it. LOL

My experience has been that regardless of who was the bigger income earner, many women I know who SAH realized that as much as they loved their work, their priorities shifted and work became incompatible with what they and their family wanted and needed once the kids came along.

You can’t group SAHMs together. Some are lazy. Some have no skills. Some were low earners. Some are average and married to average men. Then there are the well educated rich SAHMs. They are often beautiful, academically and professionally successful and married to rich men. Their kids often excel. You can see them at private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Do you talk like this in front of your daughters? Crapping on other women’s careers as nothing special and unimpressive? I work and my DD has never heard me say one negative thing about any woman’s choice, whether it’s working a lot more than I do or staying home. I’m aware she may make other choices and I will support her regardless, so the last thing I want is her feeling like I’m going to be looking down on her choices because she’s heard me talking down other women in the past. But I also don’t think middle class is an insult so YMMV….

DP. I’m sure PP would say the same applies to men. Most people are working for a paycheck and their jobs aren’t that meaningful. Some jobs are important and change lives, but most do not. Most people would not show up to work if their employer stopped paying them.

I do pity you and the other posters who find very little meaning from work. Either you are in the wrong line of work, or you are too stressed out from life in general to take a breath and enjoy things. It is rewarding to use your brain in different ways, think analytically, get an adrenaline rush from preparing for a big project or meeting or case or surgery and then the endorphins from knocking it out of the ballpark. And this is true whether you are a scientist at Sloan Kettering who made a breakthrough discovery, or an accountant at Widgets Inc.

If it’s so great then why do they have to pay you to do it? I’d argue that YOU are the one with something wrong since you find so much meaning out of a job.

Again, if your argument is that it is not possible to derive enjoyment from paid work, then I truly pity you. Maybe someone else can explain it to you better than I can. But you and your ilk have an incredibly sad worldview. I would not be surprised if you were depressed actually.

I’m not saying it’s impossible. There are plenty of people who do. But most people are going to work because it’s how they earn money. Most of the time I enjoy my job as well. You’d be shocked if you knew what I do. I’m on the fence though. We don’t need my income and I enjoy travel, decorating, cooking, walks with my dogs, reading the paper every morning…I could go on. I don’t think it’s sad that I prefer luxury vacations and hobbies over working for a corporation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

SAH parents are still in the "adult world." You have serious issues though if you strongly believe all women must work for money their entire lives. Very controlling, you are.

They firmly believe this. I don’t think you’ll ever convince them otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Only this year has it finally dawned on me that there’s simply no right answer to this. Working when you like to is great, SAH is great, going back and forth is fine, too. There are tradeoffs in all directions. Being a FT working parent is hard logistically and it’s hard missing stuff with your kids or feeling stretched thin. SAH is hard in a different way. It can be boring and full of drudgery, and then the kids get older and you might feel jealous at your peers’ professional successes or feel restless.

I have done and felt all of the above. Maybe we could just try to let ourselves off the hook. There are a zillion ways to live a good life. Your kids are going to be fine no matter what you do, and they’ll also have issues with your parenting no matter what you do. My New Year’s resolution is to try to relax about all of this and have more fun.

[Anonymous]

I was SAH for a few years. Recently back at work in a school based job, which is nice because schedules match.

I'm one of those that began SAH when kid went to pre-K. I wouldn't have liked it at earlier ages because ... that's a lot of work. SAH plus a nanny sounds nice for the little years though. We weren't as rich as people who do that, but if we were, totally would have!

OK, so during my SAH years, I helped manage a renovation. I helped us get through the pandemic. I set systems in place that are still helping our household run better even now that I am working. I planned and organized and was, no lie, busy all day! Except I could always manage a nap if I needed one.

My DH isn't totally happy that I am working again - he is upset he isn't getting as much attention and I'm not available daytime for sex. There have been more conflicts over who makes dinner, who cleans up. But we're making it work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

Sure, but what they don’t get is the working professionals look down on them in reverse. There is mutual derision going on, as well as mutual pity. And probably, deep down for both groups and for a subset, mutual envy.

I truly don’t think women can have it all. I don’t work now. I was a working mom before and will likely go back to work soon. I don’t envy working women now. However, I did envy the moms who were home with their babies, toddlers and little kids when I was working. I wanted to take my kid to music class and to the park. I hated being stuck in the office. I was very good at my job and made a high six figure income. DH earned high six figures when I took a break. Now he earns seven figures and we had another baby. I am in no rush to go back to work. I have sincerely enjoyed and taken advantage of my time with my baby. I feel bad that I wasn’t able to do so with my other two children.

This I understand. I do work but I have enough flexibility to do this, so I don’t feel like I am missing out. Wouldn’t trade it for a higher salary, or for quitting completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

So you’re not one of those women, yet you use them as your mouthpiece to tell professional women their jobs are “unimpressive” and “nothing special”? Sorry to say, you are quite pathetic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out with some very rich women recently. The ones with the real money looked at the working professionals like they were so middle class. I know some women think they are changing the world but most jobs are unimpressive and no one cares if you work or not. Of course there are women who do amazing work and making a real difference but most aren’t. The flexible jobs that allow you to be there for your kids are normally nothing special. Perhaps working from home being a lawyer or fed sounds awesome to some women but I wouldn’t want to be stuck checking in daily. That won’t work for our family.

And ambitious, professional women care what Real Housewives think because…?

My friend’s semi-BFF/semi-frenemy lives like this. And is eaten up by anxiety from the mommy politics at their school, club. A husband with too many temptations and plausible reasons to spend nights away from his family. Orthorexia to continue to attract the husband and outdo the other SAHMs at the next fundraiser. It is an empty life. Better to keep your mind engaged and busy, even with a “nothing special” job.

I’m the pp and I don’t play in that circle. I also don’t watch trashy reality tv and not interested in one upping anyone.

I do have three children who keep me plenty busy. I work out and am more fit than I have ever been. DH doesn’t travel and is home for dinner most nights. He takes the kids to sports and is an involved father. We make a solid parenting team.

You are working hard to convince yourself that you are happy dropping out of the adult world and being a housewife. Good for you. Hopefully you don’t have daughters.

[phone]. She couldn’t hack it in the working world so makes herself feel better by saying most jobs are “unimpressive” and “nothing special”. So effing what? Clearly they are needed for the economy, government, financial systems to function. Otherwise they wouldn’t exist. PP, maybe you should ponder that on your next make-work Target run!!

[Anonymous]

It is disgustingly classist to sneer at other people’s jobs. Appalling behavior, especially from people raising kids. You see where the horrid kids who abuse service workers come from, I guess.