The urge to SAH

[Anonymous]

Many women have kids and hand them off to others to raise because they want to feel “fulfilled” through silly or meaningless careers. I don’t get it. Why would anyone want to work if they didn’t have to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 10 and 6 and I still have that urge on a regular basis! It depends on your personality and circumstances. I have a very well-paying, flexible job and mostly supportive spouse, and yet I often think how nice it would be to not juggle work and family for a little while. But yes, Monday mornings after my kids get on the bus I am usually grateful to be back at my desk and earning a paycheck. Usually.

Hahaha, I think you might be onto something (for my personality at least). I feel like every Friday, I think "Thank goodness the work week is over; now I can focus entirely on my kids!" and every Monday, I think "Thank goodness the weekend is over; now I can get 20 minutes to myself!" (My kids are still preschoolers.)

This is exactly me, mom of 2yo and 4yo

+1 (mom of 3 year old and 8 year old)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

I’m in the same boat, but for me I felt like there were lots of caregivers who could change their diapers and feed th when they were young, but I want to be the one hearing about their school day and friends now that they are older. Quitting in the new year to SAH when my youngest is 5.

[Anonymous]

I think the urge is a factor of how difficult the baby is.
Colicky spit up baby? Can't wait to get back to the office.
Easy happy baby? Who wouldn't love to be around that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

I’m in the same boat, but for me I felt like there were lots of caregivers who could change their diapers and feed th when they were young, but I want to be the one hearing about their school day and friends now that they are older. Quitting in the new year to SAH when my youngest is 5.

I went back to work when my youngest was 5 and was lucky to have a P/T job where I could still pick them up from school.
My time in the office increased as they needed me less and less. But I still come home a little early to get dinner on the table. Their schedule is more grueling than mine because of their high school commute and afterschool.
I really miss those elementary school days when they were happily looking for me at dismissal.
These days, I might run into one of them on the subway on the way home and find out he left his coat in the classroom ("the door was locked when I went back to get it").

[Anonymous]

All I ever wanted was to be with my babies and kids. Working part time worked well for me. But, my career was never going that well, and I had always been really drawn to babies and children.

I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if I were more successful or loved my job. I probably would have felt differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

Agree. There's SAH because the baby needs to be minded - it's a shit-ton of work.
Then there's SAH because one doesn't want to work - it's not based on a dependent's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I ever wanted was to be with my babies and kids. Working part time worked well for me. But, my career was never going that well, and I had always been really drawn to babies and children.

I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if I were more successful or loved my job. I probably would have felt differently.

Same here. My kids are almost out of the nest so I have to reckon with devotion to the career that was on the back burner. When the kids were little, I worked out of financial necessity. At this point, I still do but it's time to turn the career in a direction that is meaningful and not merely food on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

ITA and much prefer the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the urge is a factor of how difficult the baby is.
Colicky spit up baby? Can't wait to get back to the office.
Easy happy baby? Who wouldn't love to be around that?

I had an easy happy baby who started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks and never stopped.

I still didn't want to be home.

Flex schedule, sure.

But not SAH.

[Anonymous]

I figured I’d return to work when pregnant, and only got the urge to SAH once I was home with a newborn. I made the decision to leave my job and have never looked back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

For me it has gotten much harder to juggle everything now that my children are in elementary school. The school day is shorter, there are many more holidays, more school events in the middle of the work day, and other demands on my time. I found it much easier to work full time when my children were in full day daycare/preschool. I considered staying home briefly when my 1st was a newborn and was glad to have a job to go back to by the time I finished my 2nd maternity leave, but am again thinking about it seriously with a 6 year old and a 4.5 year old.

[Anonymous]

I have a 1yo and a 4yo and the urge to stay home had not dissipated. Don’t get me wrong - I enjoy the relief a nanny brings me (less so my job, but at least it’s fairly flexible)- but I still feel like it would be best, and I would feel best, if I was the one at home with them and didnt have to be occupied with work. We are in an UMC income range where sure, we could make sacrifices and I could stay home, but it’s ultimately in the family’s financial best interest if I don’t give up my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home.

Well, I think wanting to stay at home only once your kids are school-aged is a lot different than wanting to be a SAHM to kids who are actually there all/most of the day.

For me it has gotten much harder to juggle everything now that my children are in elementary school. The school day is shorter, there are many more holidays, more school events in the middle of the work day, and other demands on my time. I found it much easier to work full time when my children were in full day daycare/preschool. I considered staying home briefly when my 1st was a newborn and was glad to have a job to go back to by the time I finished my 2nd maternity leave, but am again thinking about it seriously with a 6 year old and a 4.5 year old.

There are definitely valid reasons to SAH while kids are in school. I just know several people that only chose to start SAH once their kids were in school and they all say it's because they want to be with their kids. It just comes across a little odd because they formerly had their kids in daycare from 7:30am-6pm and they could have had them at home all day with them instead, but now that they're in school for hours every day it's suddenly important for the mom to be in the (child-free) home.