The urge to SAH
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Anonymous
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Does this get a lot worse/more pronounced when you are pregnant? I’m currently pregnant with my second, and it’s all I can think about now during the workday. (Meanwhile, on the weekends, when I’m with my toddler all day, I’m exhausted.)
Can I chalk it up to hormones? Laziness? Not loving my job? |
Anonymous
| Just my personal experience, by the end of my second maternity leave, I couldn’t wait to get back to work. I was really missing having a life outside of the house and my work. It wasn’t the same for my third baby and I do SAH now. |
Anonymous
| Wait until you have a newborn and toddler under the same roof for a bit. |
Anonymous
| My sister felt that way until my niece was born and had silent reflux. Even though she had a year of paid maternity leave she went back to work early. She said SAH was just not for her. |
Anonymous
| I think most of us get that urge once we actually have kids, even if we thought we never would. |
Anonymous
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After my first was born I could NOT imagine going back to work. I cried for about two weeks training the nanny and in my first week back at work.
And then ... I discovered the non-parent side of myself was still there. How glorious it was that when people were upset they just ... said why, instead of crying so hard they spit up. Nobody at work soiled themselves. And just like that I was happy to be back at work. |
Anonymous
| Mine are 10 and 6 and I still have that urge on a regular basis! It depends on your personality and circumstances. I have a very well-paying, flexible job and mostly supportive spouse, and yet I often think how nice it would be to not juggle work and family for a little while. But yes, Monday mornings after my kids get on the bus I am usually grateful to be back at my desk and earning a paycheck. Usually. |
Anonymous
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I think if you feel one way during pregnancy, you should take it with a grain of salt because those hormones are intense. Also, you are tired and when you are very tired, leaving your job sounds more appealing than when you are feeling rested and energized.
I did ultimately become a SAHM for a while, but only after returning to work and being unhappy. I gave it a try, but even after my maternity leave and even after my hormones had regulated, I still just really wanted to be home with my kids. I also did not like my job much and did not feel like it was supportive of me as a working mom, nor did I feel like I had a good career path ahead of me in that organization. Making the decision once your baby is here just makes more sense. You'll have a better sense of your family dynamics, and if you go back to work and focus on trying to make it work for everyone, you'll get a better sense of what the pressure points are (both logistical and emotional -- they both matter in this decision). And you also won't wonder later if you should have just toughed it out. You'll know. Just try to enjoy/survive your pregnancy (depending on what kind of pregnancy you're having) and plan for a good maternity leave and returning to work as it sounds like was your plan when you got pregnant in the first place. But always remember you can change your mind. |
Anonymous
Hahaha, I think you might be onto something (for my personality at least). I feel like every Friday, I think "Thank goodness the work week is over; now I can focus entirely on my kids!" and every Monday, I think "Thank goodness the weekend is over; now I can get 20 minutes to myself!" (My kids are still preschoolers.) |
Anonymous
| I somewhat regret being a SAHM now that we want to send DC to private. I can’t find a job paying half of what I used to make. If you do SAH, go into it better informed; I just jumped in and embraced it. I love that I had so much time with my child, but it killed my career. I wish I’d had a plan to consult part time or another way of keeping one foot on my career path. |
Anonymous
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Just one data point - I have two kids, considering a third, and at no point did I want to stay home beyond my 12 weeks maternity leave. With my first, it was a difficult transition, but in the way that labor is a difficult transition to having a kid. I knew I wanted to have the life on the other side, and it was just gonna be a tough week! It was never something I felt called to or that even sounded appealing.
Not to say that these feelings aren’t hormonal or fleeting, and I’m not saying they mean you should stay home. Just noting that anyone who says “well, everyone feels that way at first” is not correct. |
Anonymous
| I've never had the urge. I love my kid but nope. I was not a happy SAHM (did it for a year or so due to circumstances out of my control) |
Anonymous
| I was a stay at home wife after I married. Due to job and career change circumstances it ended up that way. I enjoyed it and hated it at the same time. I finally found my passion and love what I do. I had a baby while pursuing my passion that has evolved into a lucrative career. There are some days I wish my life wasn't so hectic, but if SAH I would go friggin nuts! I never have to work, but I chose to work and it makes me a better person. Plus, I want to show my child that a working mom can wear 2 hats. I praise SAHM and working moms the same. One is not better than the other. It's all about personal circumstance and choice, IMO. |
Anonymous
This is exactly me, mom of 2yo and 4yo |
Anonymous
| I didn’t get the urge to SAH until my youngest was 4. It just wouldn’t have been fun before then. I left my job a few months ago and it’s pretty awesome now. They’re in school all day so I have actual leisure time! And we can do fun stuff together when they’re home. |