New observation: Men now want high earning women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

Yep, this is what I’ve seen too. Two flexible well paying jobs, both parents prioritize family, etc. Partners that share everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

It happens more randomly unfortunately. You can only control yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

+1. A man making really good money doesn't care if his wife makes money. He is looking for a woman who will be a great mother to his children and build a legacy. A tale as old as time.

[Anonymous]

What does that entail? I don't see the kids in these families being overly amazing. Sometimes sure. But often they just like to party.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all of the replies but the DMV attracts and is over-represented with striver, type-A women. So your observation is likely true for the area in general and this board in particular, but not to the country as a whole.

Worth considering the ramifications of this at the policy level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all of the replies but the DMV attracts and is over-represented with striver, type-A women. So your observation is likely true for the area in general and this board in particular, but not to the country as a whole.

Worth considering the ramifications of this at the policy level.

Is the country as a whole happy? What do you see in the rest of the country?

[Anonymous]

Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know about that. At my private school seems equally split between two high earning couples or one really high earning man and highly educated SAHMs. The SAHMs live in mansions, lunch, play tennis and hold fabulous kids parties that earn them popularity. Pros and cons to both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed with group of friends that men now are interested in high income women w/ high earning potential vs being with a traditional idea of a woman who wants to stay home while they earn the money. Many of my physician female friends are in high demand and all engaged or married to other physicians, engineers, lawyers, etc, despite working tons of hours and not being "available". If you think about it, this allows for more resources and a better lifestyle than a single income household. One can easily afford a nanny and housekeeper with these dual income professional salaries while still saving for retirement, college, traveling, paying private school, etc so this trumps the SAHM/breadwinner paradigm financially. It also protects against the potential swings of the economy. I grew up hearing that men wanted a "hot" wife that was attractive and available with no though to their earning potential. I think this has changed...

Lol, I love the rationalizing: "Men don't really want hot women anymore! Now what they really value are degrees and my income. Who needs hot sex when you can say your wife went to Johns Hopkins?!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed with group of friends that men now are interested in high income women w/ high earning potential vs being with a traditional idea of a woman who wants to stay home while they earn the money. Many of my physician female friends are in high demand and all engaged or married to other physicians, engineers, lawyers, etc, despite working tons of hours and not being "available". If you think about it, this allows for more resources and a better lifestyle than a single income household. One can easily afford a nanny and housekeeper with these dual income professional salaries while still saving for retirement, college, traveling, paying private school, etc so this trumps the SAHM/breadwinner paradigm financially. It also protects against the potential swings of the economy. I grew up hearing that men wanted a "hot" wife that was attractive and available with no though to their earning potential. I think this has changed...

Lol, I love the rationalizing: "Men don't really want hot women anymore! Now what they really value are degrees and my income. Who needs hot sex when you can say your wife went to Johns Hopkins?!"

The physician wives are usually in less demanding specialities like family practice or pediatrics. They also work three days a week to pick up the slack for family life. So the men still get stability and another paycheck while not having to shoulder the bulk of family life. Come back when two surgeon families are the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

Yep, this is what I’ve seen too. Two flexible well paying jobs, both parents prioritize family, etc. Partners that share everything.

+1 works for us, at least.

Neither of us are interested in high powered jobs where it requires a lot of hours. We like a stress free life, as stress free as we can get it. We could earn more if we wanted to, but the stress free life, and being able to spend time with our family is priceless.

My kids (teens) told us how unusual our family was in that we have dinners together quite frequently, like at least 4x/week, and how glad they were that we have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men want cheerful, easy-to-please and kind women who are hot. They have wanted this since time began. Women want men who are competent, generous and powerful. Everything else is noise designed to obfuscate and justify personal choices.

Assortative mating trends indicate you’re wrong.

[Anonymous]

This is not new. My ex husband had a 100k minimum salary for a future wife. That was 15 years ago.

Problem is...he expected this and expected a SAMH-type simultaneously so he could basically only work and not do parenting. That doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s. Men are absolutely looking for high wage earning women. Women have been seeking out men who earn more for century, it should be no surprise that ultimately men we’re going to do the same.


Welcome to the mid but we’re in the mid 20s, ladies!

The big question is whether or not men are now going to do half the childcare, cooking, and housework. Based on my observations it seems like marriage has less and less to offer women, but we shall see.

That is the problem. Men now want it all. They want a high earner for a wife AND they still expect the wife to do all of this other work. This is why I am divorced. I do not think marriage offers any benefit. It offered me zero.