Your thoughts on how to solve this recurring marital disagreement/issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bigger picture: Is it a money thing or a control issue? (Or both?)

1. Money because you don’t have it - makes sense on spending anxiety. This doesn’t seem to be the case.

2. Money because your DH grew up in a household where money was tight and there are still scars. This may need therapy to help you communicate better together.

3. Money as a means to control you/family. Not good. How do you handle finances for medium size expenses? I say medium because big expenses should be a mutual decision, tiny expenses (coffee, groceries, gas) shouldn’t necessarily have a conversation (and if it does and you are financially stable then it may be abuse).

4. Control for the sake of control and bringing up gender norms. He may be feeling not so great about his masculinity… therapy…

Yeah this guy sounds like he’d be so open to therapy. Probably he’d just watch a few YouTube videos if he even agreed to do it at all.

OP, your husband is a jerk. If he asked me to grout the shower I’d tell him where could shove the grout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm your DH in this situation (though I also handle kid appointments). I think it's more about wishing my spouse took the initiative to try to learn to resolve household repairs that seem complicated and can cost $150 a pop, but actually do only require a 15 minute YouTube video and $20 in parts (and you learn something along the way!). We do have plenty of funds available to call a handyperson whenever, but it just seems pretty lazy to do so without at least doing an initial assessment of the risks/whether the problem is DIYable.

I actually just fixed our washer (agitator wasn't rotating) and dryer (drum wasn't rotating) and they were decently easy fixes - having a handyperson would've been $100 for an diagnostic visit alone (each) plus parts (upcharged by 3x) and additional labor - so probably $350+. Whereas it took me total of 2 hours and $40 in parts + I gained some knowledge in case of future problems. Yes, I'm proud of it, haha.

Now, for more complicated or dangerous tasks (electrical/plumbing), it's easier to justify calling a handyperson the first time around.

So with that in mind, it could help to do a quick google/YouTube lookup of the issue and its solution. If it seems doable, give it a shot, you might be surprised! If not, well at least you tried. If your DH is like me, I think he'd appreciate the effort and I think that's what matters most.

So, I get your point of view and I think it's valid, but I feel like this is a part of a bigger discussion with a spouse about spending and what's important to each partner.

I can't think of any home repair type thing I've done that's taken 15 minutes of tutorial and one trip to get $20 of parts. Not even when the kids accidentally ground up a small glass in the garbage disposal. I would not be amused if my husband gave me a hard time for hiring a handyman if we could afford it with the attitude that, hey, a few hours of your day is worth less than my annoyance at spending money we have.

I think it's actually more of an issue of how you problem solve. The thing is OP hasn't specified what these tasks are (other than them being boring/routine, which makes me think they're relatively easy to take care of) or whether she's taken the 10 minutes to assess whether they're doable from a time/$$ standpoint. I think it's hard to argue whether something should be an annoyance without at least that initial assessment of the time/$$ of the problem. If after that, you still find it annoying, then okay.

Btw it's going to take 5 minutes anyway to find a vendor, discuss the problem, and get a quote.

Also "a few hours of your day" is an investment for solving recurring issues and ongoing maintenance, which I think most posters are ignoring.

NP, but omg. I have *so many* more valuable and interesting things to do with my time than this nonsense. Don’t any of you have hobbies, interests or volunteer commitments that take up your time? Have you ever heard of the concept of “comparative advantage”? If you enjoy this stuff clearly keep doing it but I would laugh in your face if you expected me to spend my rare and valuable free time this way when I could pay an expert to do it better and faster and get on with my life

I mean, I'm just offering a different perspective since I'd tend to agree with OP's DH based on the facts laid out. Most everyone else is providing an echo chamber for OP.

As a wife who deals with all the home maintenance, it’s ridiculous to say it’s 5 minutes to do all that. No. It takes time to get recommendations, Google and research, call the places, schedule them, wait for the people to show, get the estimate, compare, hire, and be there while they complete the work—not to mention make sure it’s done right and pay them. Sure, I guess this seems like nothing to you—but that’s probably because you’re not the one doing it.