The term orphan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.

I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.

Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.

if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.

Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.

In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.

I guess it's laughable if you don't know what words mean.

Good burn. It's pretnecious and you know it. You are mean and judgemental but I expect nothing less from this board. It's a bunch of bored b1tchy being mean to other women they feel better than.
adjective
un·moored - (of a vessel) not or no longer attached to a mooring.
"an unmoored barge"
(of a person) insecure, confused, or lacking contact with reality.
"this freedom can make people feel unmoored"

That word doesn't described how it feels to loose both parents at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.

I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.

Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.

if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.

Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.

In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.

I guess it's laughable if you don't know what words mean.

Good burn. It's pretnecious and you know it. You are mean and judgemental but I expect nothing less from this board. It's a bunch of bored b1tchy being mean to other women they feel better than.
adjective
un·moored - (of a vessel) not or no longer attached to a mooring.
"an unmoored barge"
(of a person) insecure, confused, or lacking contact with reality.
"this freedom can make people feel unmoored"

That word doesn't described how it feels to loose both parents at any age.

Not PP, but try Cambridge. It fits: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/unmoored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like moving across the country and calling yourself a refugee. Hard? Traumatic even? Sure. But not the same. It's co-opting a term for something devastating and using it for something difficult.

The bolded gets to why it makes people bristle. And then add in that it is co-opting not just something devastating but a child's devastating experience and it really just seems over the top. I have empathy for people who think of this word when they lose their parents. but anyone who uses it and talks about themselves like that I think of as very emotionally immature. To go through your childhood with both parents dead is an ENTIRELY different experience then to lose them even, as another pp sadly described, in your 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.

I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.

Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.

if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.

Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.

In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.

I guess it's laughable if you don't know what words mean.

Good burn. It's pretnecious and you know it. You are mean and judgemental but I expect nothing less from this board. It's a bunch of bored b1tchy being mean to other women they feel better than.
adjective
un·moored - (of a vessel) not or no longer attached to a mooring.
"an unmoored barge"
(of a person) insecure, confused, or lacking contact with reality.
"this freedom can make people feel unmoored"

That word doesn't described how it feels to loose both parents at any age.

Entirely different PP, many people describe grief as feeling unmoored. If you think PP is a jerk for critiquing people who use orphan you are being just as much of a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not PP, but try Cambridge. It fits: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/unmoored

"having little confidence and being uncertain about how you should feel or behave, or what you should do" - this doesn't describe what it feels like to lose one or both parents either.

[Anonymous]

If someone kills their parents, are they a murderer or an orphan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.

I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.

Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.

if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.

Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.

In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.

I guess it's laughable if you don't know what words mean.

Good burn. It's pretnecious and you know it. You are mean and judgemental but I expect nothing less from this board. It's a bunch of bored b1tchy being mean to other women they feel better than.
adjective
un·moored - (of a vessel) not or no longer attached to a mooring.
"an unmoored barge"
(of a person) insecure, confused, or lacking contact with reality.
"this freedom can make people feel unmoored"

That word doesn't described how it feels to loose both parents at any age.

Entirely different PP, many people describe grief as feeling unmoored. If you think PP is a jerk for critiquing people who use orphan you are being just as much of a jerk.

As long as I am using unmoored or other words she and you deem appropriate for how I feel about losing a parent/s it's all good, but if I use the term orphaned because that's more appropriate to how I am feeling then I am attention seeking and pathetic as stated in this thread, no? Why does the OP or the rest of you even care to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not PP, but try Cambridge. It fits: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/unmoored

"having little confidence and being uncertain about how you should feel or behave, or what you should do" - this doesn't describe what it feels like to lose one or both parents either.

Doesn't it??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

wow you sound... unkind. I have heard a lot of adults who lose their parents use the word orphaned to explain how they feel almost in wonder or puzzlement.. like how is it that I am 50+ years old and feel utterly bereft and defenseless? obviously its not the same as being actually orphaned, I lost both parents at a young age and I think once I heard my husband refer ro me as an orphan.. it was in relation to some shady thing regarding a business my parents owned and I still feel the physical recoil and was like "dont call me that!" and its definitely b/c im an adult but also b/c I think the word has connotations of being an object of pity and no-one wants that.

I think there is a writer.. maybe erma bombeck? who wrote that no matter at what age ones loses their parents they are orphaned. I think this is describing an emotional state or experience. its not describing someone's social or economic situation which is a what is usually meant by an orphaned child.. socially we owe care. love and support to someone who is an orphaned child, we dont have that same obligation to adults who have lost there parents.

Its also different is you lose your parents when you are like 30 years old and when you are 65 b/c you still want your parents guidance at that age more than 65 but its the feeling that you dont have your natal home anymore, that there is no-one who loves you and will be in your corner unconditionally and also.. we are children our whole lives and suddenly we are children no longer. I think ppl who manage to transition to a more friend role with their kids probably set them up for less of this sense of losing the emotional roof over your head. No-one in the world cares for you and works to protect you the way your parents do.

if someone is claiming this term for themselves to garner sympathy or attention I can see being offended or grossed out but if its just them describing an emotional state.. well that is a very real and common feeling and until you are in that position yourself.. you cant know.

Oh, I can know. I won't, but I could use the phrases "I feel orphaned" or "I feel like a orphan" or something similar if I wanted attention and was being dramatic. More likely I'd say "I feel unmoored" or "I miss them" or something similar. But I'd never say "I'm an orphan" because words have meaning and I'm not an idiot.

In a conversation you would actually say I feel unmoored? That's so ridiculous and laughable. Now THAT is attention seeking.

I guess it's laughable if you don't know what words mean.

Good burn. It's pretnecious and you know it. You are mean and judgemental but I expect nothing less from this board. It's a bunch of bored b1tchy being mean to other women they feel better than.
adjective
un·moored - (of a vessel) not or no longer attached to a mooring.
"an unmoored barge"
(of a person) insecure, confused, or lacking contact with reality.
"this freedom can make people feel unmoored"

That word doesn't described how it feels to loose both parents at any age.

Entirely different PP, many people describe grief as feeling unmoored. If you think PP is a jerk for critiquing people who use orphan you are being just as much of a jerk.

As long as I am using unmoored or other words she and you deem appropriate for how I feel about losing a parent/s it's all good, but if I use the term orphaned because that's more appropriate to how I am feeling then I am attention seeking and pathetic as stated in this thread, no? Why does the OP or the rest of you even care to begin with?

Use what terms you want, PP. I don't actually care. If you read my posts (I am the OP) I have not expressed any thoughts that the users of the term "orphan" or any other terms were attention seeking or pathetic. I was taken aback at the use, but with some discussion I've come to better understand it. Not fully, but surely the time will come when I'll have lost both parents. Maybe I can revisit this discussion then.

[Anonymous]

Use by an adult is attention seeking. Our parents are supposed to die before us.

Orphan is a term for children.

It's like how women like to use the term widow when their spouse works or plays too much: biglaw widow, golf widow, etc.

Tacky and attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it depends on the relationship one has with the parent. I don't mind the term orphan if one did not have a loving relationship during childhood into adulthood. Not only are they grieving the actual death of a parent, but in addition, they can be grieving the loss of an opportunity to have a loving relationship. They grieve for what was and what will never be. If a child is abandoned, and the parent dies when they are an adult, I feel its a different ballgame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone kills their parents, are they a murderer or an orphan

Both are true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use by an adult is attention seeking. Our parents are supposed to die before us.

Orphan is a term for children.

It's like how women like to use the term widow when their spouse works or plays too much: biglaw widow, golf widow, etc.

Tacky and attention seeking.

Widow means your spouse is dead not busy.

Orphan means both your parents are dead. It's semantics that they are supposed to die before you. It should not bother you personally for me to either say both of my parents are dead or I am an orphan. It's not like people are making shirts up that say I am an orphan, give me sympathy. The fact that you think use of a particular word that you don't like is attention seeking says more about who you are than the person saying it. You lack empathy. You should try to find some. There will be a a moment you will wish someone would show you grace and empathy during a time of suffering and I hope they pick a word you are using to write you off as attention seeking. Cheers.