The term orphan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently some adult friends of mine called themselves orphans, and I suppose they are, as they’ve lost both of their parents. But …. They are in their 50s and 60s. And lost their mum only in the last 5 years (father in last 10-20 years).

I was taken aback at the term. Do adults call themselves orphans? I have no experience, I have both of my parents still. But I always thought of orphans as children.

This is a deeply offensive term, OP.

Do better.

What is offensive here?

Exactly. PPs are being dramatic. Offended? Because ppl want to try and express their feelings and emotions? There are several books on the topic and it's not a new trendy term and I don't think ppl who've lost their parents younger than anticipated are trying to get adopted or get attention - their simply trying to sort their emotions and grief. Yikes ppl are really losing their empathy and compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently some adult friends of mine called themselves orphans, and I suppose they are, as they’ve lost both of their parents. But …. They are in their 50s and 60s. And lost their mum only in the last 5 years (father in last 10-20 years).

I was taken aback at the term. Do adults call themselves orphans? I have no experience, I have both of my parents still. But I always thought of orphans as children.

Read the book The Orphaned Adult- it’s about losing both parents. It’s a term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently some adult friends of mine called themselves orphans, and I suppose they are, as they’ve lost both of their parents. But …. They are in their 50s and 60s. And lost their mum only in the last 5 years (father in last 10-20 years).

I was taken aback at the term. Do adults call themselves orphans? I have no experience, I have both of my parents still. But I always thought of orphans as children.

This is a deeply offensive term, OP.

Do better.

What is offensive here?

Exactly. PPs are being dramatic. Offended? Because ppl want to try and express their feelings and emotions? There are several books on the topic and it's not a new trendy term and I don't think ppl who've lost their parents younger than anticipated are trying to get adopted or get attention - their simply trying to sort their emotions and grief. Yikes ppl are really losing their empathy and compassion.

And some seem oddly inflexible in their use of language. It’s possible to be “an orphan” without “growing up as an orphan” or being “orphaned as a child”. And it isn’t in any way a contest. The truly odd part of this is that most of the people who claim to be “offended” by the term don’t seem to have the experience themselves of having lost their parents.

While it’s not a word I’d typically use, it does have the advantage of being easily understood. Both of my parents, my brother, and my extended family have died. It really sucks having conversations with acquaintances who ask about family matters as potential icebreakers. As in: “ So you were an only child?” and “Well, what about cousins?” Saying something like: “ At this point in life, I’m an orphan” is often the only way I’ve found to shut down this type of intrusively well-meant questioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who feel orphaned as adults, I found this book very helpful in dealing with my grief:

https://www.amazon.com/Orphaned-Adult-Understanding-Coping-Parents/dp/0738203610/ref=asc_df_0738203610_nodl?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312177564685&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14973122264767900111&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9061109&hvtargid=pla-493293327023&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=60258870697&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312177564685&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14973122264767900111&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9061109&hvtargid=pla-493293327023&dplnkId=648c7f29-e992-4c02-b779-cbfe33023c54

Thank you for posting this!

[Anonymous]

My cousin refers to herself as an orphan. Her mom died when cousin was 17, her dad when she was in her early 30s.

[Anonymous]

My Aunt did this when my second grandparent died. I was also very surprised by the use and found it inappropriate. Orphans to be are dependent children who lose their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost both my parents in college in my early 20s. I never considered myself an orphan. To me an orphan is an underage child who has lost their parents.

The most important words in your definition.

We know that all languages change over time. We also know that words can have an official meaning and other meanings that are informal or restricted to subcultures of society.

We can also reason that while we would not personally use that term as an adult who lost one or both parents, there’s no harm done if someone else self-describes that way out of either intense grief or as a tongue in cheek statement. I don’t think any adults are using the term to swindle a nice warm union suit from the Policemen’s Wives Charity for Orphans And Foundlings.

Yeah, this isn't one of those words.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a close friend who lost both parents at age 11 (we have been friends since before that tragedy so I saw first hand how it affected her). If someone age 60 who recently lost both parents claimed to be an “orphan” I’d be kind of taken aback, yes. Every elderly person is an orphan unless their parents live to be over 100 I guess. It’s not the same as being an actual orphan aka a child without parents.

This. My 82 year old parents have been orphans for year, I guess? Ridiculous. OP, your friends are attention-seeking and insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.

Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.

Yeah, we don't really have another word for an adult who's lost their parents, even a young adult. Even if you are a grownup when your parents pass, you can feel adrift, unmoored, unanchored; indeed, it might make you feel more like a child, emotionally, and there are limited ways to express that.

Try hard to find another, more appropriate word, FFS.

[Anonymous]

An orphan is a child. It is painful losing your parents as an adult, but it doesn't make you an orphan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently some adult friends of mine called themselves orphans, and I suppose they are, as they’ve lost both of their parents. But …. They are in their 50s and 60s. And lost their mum only in the last 5 years (father in last 10-20 years).

I was taken aback at the term. Do adults call themselves orphans? I have no experience, I have both of my parents still. But I always thought of orphans as children.

This is a deeply offensive term, OP.

Do better.

What is offensive here?

Exactly. PPs are being dramatic. Offended? Because ppl want to try and express their feelings and emotions? There are several books on the topic and it's not a new trendy term and I don't think ppl who've lost their parents younger than anticipated are trying to get adopted or get attention - their simply trying to sort their emotions and grief. Yikes ppl are really losing their empathy and compassion.

And some seem oddly inflexible in their use of language. It’s possible to be “an orphan” without “growing up as an orphan” or being “orphaned as a child”. And it isn’t in any way a contest. The truly odd part of this is that most of the people who claim to be “offended” by the term don’t seem to have the experience themselves of having lost their parents.

While it’s not a word I’d typically use, it does have the advantage of being easily understood. Both of my parents, my brother, and my extended family have died. It really sucks having conversations with acquaintances who ask about family matters as potential icebreakers. As in: “ So you were an only child?” and “Well, what about cousins?” Saying something like: “ At this point in life, I’m an orphan” is often the only way I’ve found to shut down this type of intrusively well-meant questioning.

The term orphan doesn't mean that you are alone in this world, with no parents, siblings or cousins. It simply means that your parents passed away when you were a minor.

But, it does indeed have the advantage of being easily understood, but not in the way you hope. If said you were an orphan because your parents passed away when you were an adult, I would understand two things: that your parents have passed away, and second, in the (fantastic) words of a PP, that you are a narcissistic nutter.

[Anonymous]

My dad died when I was a kid, my mom when I was 20.

I felt orphaned but I never used that term as it’s meant for minors. I was a young person in college. Looking back, yeah I was basically a kid. But it still has never felt right to call myself an orphan.

Losing the people that take care of you when you are still so highly dependent on them for basic life necessities is being orphaned. You literally need an adult to support you and look after you.

Adults do not need that, we want that but we are capable of supporting ourselves without a parent. That’s not an orphan. Losing parents as we get older is the natural process of life, not an aberration to normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.

Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.

Yeah, we don't really have another word for an adult who's lost their parents, even a young adult. Even if you are a grownup when your parents pass, you can feel adrift, unmoored, unanchored; indeed, it might make you feel more like a child, emotionally, and there are limited ways to express that.

Try hard to find another, more appropriate word, FFS.

So, suggest one, FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently some adult friends of mine called themselves orphans, and I suppose they are, as they’ve lost both of their parents. But …. They are in their 50s and 60s. And lost their mum only in the last 5 years (father in last 10-20 years).

I was taken aback at the term. Do adults call themselves orphans? I have no experience, I have both of my parents still. But I always thought of orphans as children.

This is a deeply offensive term, OP.

Do better.

What is offensive here?

Exactly. PPs are being dramatic. Offended? Because ppl want to try and express their feelings and emotions? There are several books on the topic and it's not a new trendy term and I don't think ppl who've lost their parents younger than anticipated are trying to get adopted or get attention - their simply trying to sort their emotions and grief. Yikes ppl are really losing their empathy and compassion.

And some seem oddly inflexible in their use of language. It’s possible to be “an orphan” without “growing up as an orphan” or being “orphaned as a child”. And it isn’t in any way a contest. The truly odd part of this is that most of the people who claim to be “offended” by the term don’t seem to have the experience themselves of having lost their parents.

While it’s not a word I’d typically use, it does have the advantage of being easily understood. Both of my parents, my brother, and my extended family have died. It really sucks having conversations with acquaintances who ask about family matters as potential icebreakers. As in: “ So you were an only child?” and “Well, what about cousins?” Saying something like: “ At this point in life, I’m an orphan” is often the only way I’ve found to shut down this type of intrusively well-meant questioning.

The term orphan doesn't mean that you are alone in this world, with no parents, siblings or cousins. It simply means that your parents passed away when you were a minor.

But, it does indeed have the advantage of being easily understood, but not in the way you hope. If said you were an orphan because your parents passed away when you were an adult, I would understand two things: that your parents have passed away, and second, in the (fantastic) words of a PP, that you are a narcissistic nutter.

My point is simply that it’s a great word to shut down an unwanted conversation.
As for your latter point, I think you likely know quite a lot about being a narcissistic nutter. Have a lovely evening! Peace out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently some adult friends of mine called themselves orphans, and I suppose they are, as they’ve lost both of their parents. But …. They are in their 50s and 60s. And lost their mum only in the last 5 years (father in last 10-20 years).

I was taken aback at the term. Do adults call themselves orphans? I have no experience, I have both of my parents still. But I always thought of orphans as children.

This is a deeply offensive term, OP.

Do better.

What is offensive here?

Exactly. PPs are being dramatic. Offended? Because ppl want to try and express their feelings and emotions? There are several books on the topic and it's not a new trendy term and I don't think ppl who've lost their parents younger than anticipated are trying to get adopted or get attention - their simply trying to sort their emotions and grief. Yikes ppl are really losing their empathy and compassion.

And some seem oddly inflexible in their use of language. It’s possible to be “an orphan” without “growing up as an orphan” or being “orphaned as a child”. And it isn’t in any way a contest. The truly odd part of this is that most of the people who claim to be “offended” by the term don’t seem to have the experience themselves of having lost their parents.

While it’s not a word I’d typically use, it does have the advantage of being easily understood. Both of my parents, my brother, and my extended family have died. It really sucks having conversations with acquaintances who ask about family matters as potential icebreakers. As in: “ So you were an only child?” and “Well, what about cousins?” Saying something like: “ At this point in life, I’m an orphan” is often the only way I’ve found to shut down this type of intrusively well-meant questioning.

The term orphan doesn't mean that you are alone in this world, with no parents, siblings or cousins. It simply means that your parents passed away when you were a minor.

But, it does indeed have the advantage of being easily understood, but not in the way you hope. If said you were an orphan because your parents passed away when you were an adult, I would understand two things: that your parents have passed away, and second, in the (fantastic) words of a PP, that you are a narcissistic nutter.

So well said