The term orphan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

Good for you and your siblings.

My grandfather would have said the same thing had he been around to hear my mother talking like that after he died. Words have meanings.

[Anonymous]

Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.

Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.

Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.

Yeah, we don't really have another word for an adult who's lost their parents, even a young adult. Even if you are a grownup when your parents pass, you can feel adrift, unmoored, unanchored; indeed, it might make you feel more like a child, emotionally, and there are limited ways to express that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have both of your parents, they don't. If they feel orphaned, why would you begrudge them the term?

“Feel orphaned”? What if I “feel like a POC” and call myself one even though I’m not? Is that also ok?

But they ARE orphaned, as in their parents are dead.

What is considered an orphan?
An orphan is a child whose parents have died. The term is sometimes used to describe any person whose parents have died, though this is less common. A child who only has one living parent is also sometimes considered an orphan.

orphan | Wex | US Law | LII / Legal Information Institute

[Anonymous]

I think this is an episode of curb your enthusiasm.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard people use orphan in a lighthearted, somewhat comedic way. I don’t think they envision themselves as an Oliver Twist looking for pity. I think context and social clues are important here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.

Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.

OP here, thank you. Your suggestion that they are using it to describe their emotional state rather than something more formal or legal resonates with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have both of your parents, they don't. If they feel orphaned, why would you begrudge them the term?

Not op. But I don't have both my parents and as much as that can suck at times it's not anything like the experience my SO had losing both parents as a child and the turmoil and trauma that causes.
So yeah I'd be disgusted by a person 50+ years old who had parents their entire formative years well into mid life and likely has a spouse and kids of their own whining about being an orphan

A good friend referred herself as an orphan a couple of times while grieving recently, having just found her remaining parent dead on the floor. Do you get how gross and inappropriate it would have been to be "disgusted" by this? Don't worry, your SO still "wins" if that's important to you ; no one is trying to take their experiences away from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard people use orphan in a lighthearted, somewhat comedic way. I don’t think they envision themselves as an Oliver Twist looking for pity. I think context and social clues are important here.

This, plus, for adults it’s also a shorthand expression for feeling completely untethered because you no longer have any living parent. Those people who loved you unconditionally, put your needs ahead of their own, always had your back, were your biggest cheerleaders, had keen insight into you, gave sage advice, and were a permanent safety net are gone. You may never have anyone else in your life who loves you that way. That’s a profound loss on top of the grief, and a wake-up call about your own mortality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother used that term when her father died and we all shut her down. An orphan is a CHILD who’s lost both parents, not an adult. It’s being dramatic. A child can’t live in a home without an adult (parent). An adult can live in a home without their parent. It’s ridiculous.

Good for you and your siblings.

My grandfather would have said the same thing had he been around to hear my mother talking like that after he died. Words have meanings.

Yep, meanings that change and evolve constantly. Otherwise we wouldn't be stuck with nonsense words / phrases now like "the ask", "offboarding" to describe ending employment, "supports" as a noun etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are alive. I wonder if people are using it colloquially to refer to their emotional state rather than their legal status. Even the official legal use of it is weird as I’m very much alive, but am dealing with the Orphans’ Court following the death of my minor child’s father. I don’t consider my child an orphan, but that’s what the division is called.

Grief is very, very strange and if an adult finds orphan the closest they can come to expressing how they feel moorless after the death of both parents, we can either accept it or try to help them find a more appropriate term. I’ve felt this way for a long time about the fact that we lack a word for a parent whose has lost all of their children.

DP. This post is wise. Thank you for being compassionate.

I lost both my parents in my 40s. After losing my second parent, there was a period when I felt extremely vulnerable and stripped bare. Emotionally, I did feel "orphaned." I never used the term to describe myself with others, but inwardly the term did come up and felt fitting with my emotions at the time. I don't feel that way anymore, but if someone who's still in the early stage of grieving used the term I'd know exactly what they meant.

[Anonymous]

Interesting factoid: A couple hundred years ago, an orphan was someone who'd lost their father. Maybe still the same in some cultures where children are viewed as "property" of their father.

[Anonymous]

They may *feel* like an orphan and they are certainly entitled to use the simile to whatever emotions and grief they are experiencing. But I think claiming that they are an orphan is over the top. It's not a term that has been widely adopted as a metaphor and, as such, it has a pretty specific meaning.

[Anonymous]

As someone who lost one of my parents as a young child, a grown ass person who loses their parents, and calls themselves an orphan, is a narcissistic nutter.

No, you're not an 'orphan' losing your parents at 50.

I was not an orphan losing a parent at 9.

People who lose their parents <18 are orphans. Don't belittle the term for this incredible hardship.

[Anonymous]

You can be an orphan at any age.