People who never married, but wanted to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA in my 40s. All of my unmarried friends, who wanted to be married, are also AA. The one constant I see is they want too much superficial stuff when they can’t offer the same. So - you want a 10 and you are a 4 or 5 at best. You want men wearing bespoke suits but you are buying your clothes from Shein. A pp mentioned a friend who didn’t want to date someone 5’9”. This bull is the type of stuff that will keep you unmarried, especially as we get older. You want an off the charts guy when you are solidly average (at best) in most ways.

Even if you are well above average, there is still a very small pool of these men and most of them are taken and/or have no interest in marrying (permanent bachelor types).

[Anonymous]

I know a couple of women, but far more men in this situation. In almost every case with the men, they overplayed their hand. They thought they could upgrade. They all had really good chances at some point, but thought they could pull more. They couldn't and still won't accept that the pool of peak childbearing-age women who are interested in marrying and procreating with a 45+ is small to non-existent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a wonderful woman who falls into this category. I’ve thought about why it never happened for her. The only things I can come up with is that she’s average looking, at best (although she is always very well put together) and too earnest. She doted on those men she did date to the point that I think they felt smothered. And maybe she was not good in bed? I hate saying that but on the surface it’s baffling why it never happened for her.

Everyone brushed this off but sometimes the woman is just not a catch. Yes, women pick and choose but men are allowed to be picky too.

It tends to be women who have the long checklists though. Men tend to take whatever they can get and if there are requirements it’s usually just that she isn’t overweight (99% within your control btw) while half the requirements and dealbreakers that women have are beyond men’s control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so disappointing the way DCUM reverts to 1950s values so frequently.

I was thinking the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple of women, but far more men in this situation. In almost every case with the men, they overplayed their hand. They thought they could upgrade. They all had really good chances at some point, but thought they could pull more. They couldn't and still won't accept that the pool of peak childbearing-age women who are interested in marrying and procreating with a 45+ is small to non-existent.

This. I do know more never married 40+ men in the DC area looking. They all want super attractive thin young women. It's not going to happen for them.

[Anonymous]

I was beautiful, smart, nurturing and fun and liked the idea of being married but every time I got close, proposal, serious suitors it felt like death by asphyxiation.

I just couldn’t go through with it. Even now I can see the practical benefits to being part of a married couple but no way I can stomach the thought of waking up to the skate person every single day or coming home every day and seeing the same face sitting in my couch.

Ugh… I just couldn’t bare it so I skipped the entire stage of life.

I only have minor regrets along the lines of maybe I’d have someone to help me pay for stuff, but then I go back to but then I’d have to share my stuff with that same old person who’d be sitting there in my couch… in my space… sucking up the air in the room… surely grow very sick of seeing every that person every single day, and then I’d have to give up half of, or all of my stuff and hurt someone in the process…. It would be so messy so probably not worth it.

[Anonymous]

In short I really don’t think it is that hard to get married if you really want to. People can pretend that they wanted to but missed an opportunity…. But it’s really not that hard to accomplish if it’s in your to do list.

If you don’t marry it’s probably because you really didn’t want to.