DH Can’t Stand Having Two Kids… 2 Years Later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't yell or swear,.consider yourself lucky and leave him be! He's allowed to have his feelings.

Most dads are crap parents. I see it all the time.

Yeah, but the problem is that he’s also a crap partner. He’s miserable to be around. He whines all the time. Yeah, raising little kids is hard. But it doesn’t get easier with nonstop complaining.

I can see that. It's all hard AF. I've begun to resent all the work and noise and interruptions, too. I complain about it less than H, but if he is yelling and angry at the kids it actually makes me more likely to yell and be angry too. I try to give him lots of time off to golf or whatever, but sometimes he just chooses to sit around and be miserable.

I'm just saying it's a common problem.

In your house or are you generalizing? This is not a common problem in general.

It's much more common then you think. People are reluctant to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom and absolutely hated the early childhood period. I didn't enjoy my kids until they were 7 or so. Teenage years were so easy.

I loved the baby period but really struggled with the 2-6 or 7 ages. Fortunately DH was the opposite. We’re not whiners like OP’s DH though.

[Anonymous]

I have a father like this. He wasn’t abusive but he made it clear that he didn’t want kids and never wanted to do fun things with us, give us treats, etc. He’d make jokes at our expense. He rarely hugged us and never said I love you. My mom thought this was normal as men supposedly “aren’t into parenting.” Bull.

We barely speak now. He doesn’t even remember my birthday or how old I am. Sometimes he’ll text me on Mother’s Day. We “keep in touch” through my mother. When my mom drags him to family events at my house or my kids’ games, he’s always itching to get away. It’s rude and hurtful, tbf.

It’s more serious than people are saying in this thread. If this man wants a relationship with his children when they are adults, he needs to lay the foundation now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't yell or swear,.consider yourself lucky and leave him be! He's allowed to have his feelings.

Most dads are crap parents. I see it all the time.

Yeah, but the problem is that he’s also a crap partner. He’s miserable to be around. He whines all the time. Yeah, raising little kids is hard. But it doesn’t get easier with nonstop complaining.

I can see that. It's all hard AF. I've begun to resent all the work and noise and interruptions, too. I complain about it less than H, but if he is yelling and angry at the kids it actually makes me more likely to yell and be angry too. I try to give him lots of time off to golf or whatever, but sometimes he just chooses to sit around and be miserable.

I'm just saying it's a common problem.

In your house or are you generalizing? This is not a common problem in general.

Are you kidding? A group of moms voted a Governor in just because they hated seeing their children 24/7 for a year or more.

If anything, I think the pandemic forced a lot of parents to come to a public recognition that they only enjoy parenting if it’s a 2 hour or less daily commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't yell or swear,.consider yourself lucky and leave him be! He's allowed to have his feelings.

Most dads are crap parents. I see it all the time.

Yeah, but the problem is that he’s also a crap partner. He’s miserable to be around. He whines all the time. Yeah, raising little kids is hard. But it doesn’t get easier with nonstop complaining.

I can see that. It's all hard AF. I've begun to resent all the work and noise and interruptions, too. I complain about it less than H, but if he is yelling and angry at the kids it actually makes me more likely to yell and be angry too. I try to give him lots of time off to golf or whatever, but sometimes he just chooses to sit around and be miserable.

I'm just saying it's a common problem.

In your house or are you generalizing? This is not a common problem in general.

It's much more common then you think. People are reluctant to say anything.

Unless PP is a researcher or even a family/couples therapist with access to what’s going on in a large swath of homes, PP is just making $hit up. “I have a bunch of friends that are unhappy parents” doesn’t not qualify as a “common problem.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't yell or swear,.consider yourself lucky and leave him be! He's allowed to have his feelings.

Most dads are crap parents. I see it all the time.

Yeah, but the problem is that he’s also a crap partner. He’s miserable to be around. He whines all the time. Yeah, raising little kids is hard. But it doesn’t get easier with nonstop complaining.

I can see that. It's all hard AF. I've begun to resent all the work and noise and interruptions, too. I complain about it less than H, but if he is yelling and angry at the kids it actually makes me more likely to yell and be angry too. I try to give him lots of time off to golf or whatever, but sometimes he just chooses to sit around and be miserable.

I'm just saying it's a common problem.

In your house or are you generalizing? This is not a common problem in general.

Are you kidding? A group of moms voted a Governor in just because they hated seeing their children 24/7 for a year or more.

If anything, I think the pandemic forced a lot of parents to come to a public recognition that they only enjoy parenting if it’s a 2 hour or less daily commitment.

I'm assuming you homeschool, don't have a nanny/daycare and never leave the house without one child since you love 24/7 parenting right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a father like this. He wasn’t abusive but he made it clear that he didn’t want kids and never wanted to do fun things with us, give us treats, etc. He’d make jokes at our expense. He rarely hugged us and never said I love you. My mom thought this was normal as men supposedly “aren’t into parenting.” Bull.

We barely speak now. He doesn’t even remember my birthday or how old I am. Sometimes he’ll text me on Mother’s Day. We “keep in touch” through my mother. When my mom drags him to family events at my house or my kids’ games, he’s always itching to get away. It’s rude and hurtful, tbf.

It’s more serious than people are saying in this thread. If this man wants a relationship with his children when they are adults, he needs to lay the foundation now.

Me again. The crazy thing is, he probably sees himself as a good father. My mother knows I feel this way and she knows better than to try to sing his praises as a father to me. We had a big fight about it once after he acted inappropriately to me during a visit with my kids and she was like, yeah I see your point.

Bottom line is, he shouldn’t have had kids but he did it to make my mom happy. Ok fine but what about the actual kids who are people who matter too? Growing up with a parent who doesn’t show interest in you/makes you feel like a burden is tough. It wrecks your self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't yell or swear,.consider yourself lucky and leave him be! He's allowed to have his feelings.

Most dads are crap parents. I see it all the time.

Yeah, but the problem is that he’s also a crap partner. He’s miserable to be around. He whines all the time. Yeah, raising little kids is hard. But it doesn’t get easier with nonstop complaining.

I can see that. It's all hard AF. I've begun to resent all the work and noise and interruptions, too. I complain about it less than H, but if he is yelling and angry at the kids it actually makes me more likely to yell and be angry too. I try to give him lots of time off to golf or whatever, but sometimes he just chooses to sit around and be miserable.

I'm just saying it's a common problem.

In your house or are you generalizing? This is not a common problem in general.

Are you kidding? A group of moms voted a Governor in just because they hated seeing their children 24/7 for a year or more.

If anything, I think the pandemic forced a lot of parents to come to a public recognition that they only enjoy parenting if it’s a 2 hour or less daily commitment.

I'm assuming you homeschool, don't have a nanny/daycare and never leave the house without one child since you love 24/7 parenting right?

So you understand that frustration but don’t get why OPs husband is frustrated (not depressed) and why this feeling is pretty common?

[Anonymous]

Where are your parents and your husband’s parents?
I don’t have parents that could take my kids for a weekend either, but that’s because they live far away and have full time jobs. It seems odd that your grandparents can take the kids, but your parents and in-laws aren’t around.
Did either of you grow up with parents who enjoyed children and parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Do not inflict this man on DC #2. My daughter has always felt, deep in her bones, that there is something wrong with her relationship with her father. Which translates to her feeling there is something not quite good enough about HER.

Count your blessings and stick with one.

+1

I’m the daughter in this situation and I’ve had low self esteem all my life. I’ve had anorexia since 14.

It really messes with a girl to know that her father doesn’t really love her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't yell or swear,.consider yourself lucky and leave him be! He's allowed to have his feelings.

Most dads are crap parents. I see it all the time.

Yeah, but the problem is that he’s also a crap partner. He’s miserable to be around. He whines all the time. Yeah, raising little kids is hard. But it doesn’t get easier with nonstop complaining.

I can see that. It's all hard AF. I've begun to resent all the work and noise and interruptions, too. I complain about it less than H, but if he is yelling and angry at the kids it actually makes me more likely to yell and be angry too. I try to give him lots of time off to golf or whatever, but sometimes he just chooses to sit around and be miserable.

I'm just saying it's a common problem.

In your house or are you generalizing? This is not a common problem in general.

Of course it is!

You must have no friends. Work in isolation. Spend all your time telling people on DCUM that their experience is wrong. Have fun with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Do not inflict this man on DC #2. My daughter has always felt, deep in her bones, that there is something wrong with her relationship with her father. Which translates to her feeling there is something not quite good enough about HER.

Count your blessings and stick with one.

+1

I’m the daughter in this situation and I’ve had low self esteem all my life. I’ve had anorexia since 14.

It really messes with a girl to know that her father doesn’t really love her.

Oh please.

You cannot blame your dad for your anorexia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Do not inflict this man on DC #2. My daughter has always felt, deep in her bones, that there is something wrong with her relationship with her father. Which translates to her feeling there is something not quite good enough about HER.

Count your blessings and stick with one.

+1

I’m the daughter in this situation and I’ve had low self esteem all my life. I’ve had anorexia since 14.

It really messes with a girl to know that her father doesn’t really love her.

Oh please.

You cannot blame your dad for your anorexia.

In therapy I worked out that I developed anorexia as a way to punish myself because I hate myself. Reply hate myself because my father showed me that I was unwanted/annoying/a burden.

Im in therapy for something else but my therapist wanted to get to the root of my self loathing and she says it’s always something foundational in childhood.

[Anonymous]

Children used to be about survival. Extra ones were left to die. That’s our species.

Todays children are basically unemployed. Parents are supposed to somehow have the bandwidth to pour unlimited amounts of love and nurturing into them to make them into emotionally intelligent adults. Parents do this while trying to make it in a capitalist society.

Talking about this isn’t bad. Especially here.

I think the OPs husband could benefit from discussing these things with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I literally can’t believe anyone is defending this man.

This type of behavior is so so harmful to children.