Moving to a different state and impact on kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Hard pass.

Are your kids weirdos or something?

Np I think your response pp is over the top. People are different and that does not make them "weirdos" You could have asked why they don't want to move instead of being rude.

She didn't say the kids didn't want to move. She just said "hard pass." I took that to mean that the kids might be weirdos. I'm entitled to my opinion, too.

And we are entitled to call you out of your rudeness and inappropriateness.
I’m embarrassed for you that you have no shame about it, it’s bizarre and actually makes you the weirdo.

[Anonymous]

I’d have to know the salary (current and expected) as well as the husband’s income to know if I would disrupt my life for the raise. Like, if OP currently makes $100k and her husband makes $150k, I wouldn’t do it for an extra $100k. If OP currently makes $300-$400k and it’s double that, that’s a different story because it could meaningfully change my retirement horizon (shorten it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would like to move for this job, which will double my already good income level. My kids will not want to move and my husband also isn’t in favor of moving for the following reasons:

- uncertainty about how the kids would adjust. In answer to everyone’s questions, my kids do not have mental or health issues that would prevent us from moving. My kids are all pretty independent and, while each has 2-3 good friends, they aren’t social butterflies that constantly want to socialize. These are kids who will opt stay home and read, watch movies, hang out with parents in lieu of socializing with peers. They will often say things like “getting together with a friend 1-2 times per week is enough and I don’t want more than that.” That said, they’re well liked and no problems socially at school.

- one complicating factor is that my husband and I are both from the DC area and my kids are very close with their grandparents and cousins. It would be hard in the future to not have these extended familial relationships, though honestly sometimes for me it is a little too much to constantly have extended family obligations (which we do). However, my kids and husband seem to enjoy it a lot, and we would be giving up the proximity to extended family if we move.

- I know the job and the boss I would have very well. I would be getting this promotion by taking over my current boss’s time and my boss would also move up the ladder, but I would still report to the same boss. So very little chance that I would hate the new job. There is an outside possibility that some “bald swan” event could occur (my boss falling I’ll and dying, or my company being bought), that could result in changes to my work situation, but there is no indication that this is a likelihood.

- my husband has hesitations about moving. He’s lived in the DC area his whole life and loves his friends and family here and the sports teams (not kidding, that’s one of his reasons for not wanting to move). So there is negative pressure there too. So I would be pushing everyone to make this move, which would be an uphill battle.

I am a poster from page 1 and seem to be the only one concerned out of all of the replies about the weather. You have a fantastic job opportunities but a lot of reasons to stay. How do you and the family feel about the extreme winter? I’m from the north and moved to get away from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your priority? Your children’s well-being or money?

ridiculous framing. no evidence whatsoever that staying where they are will bring about "children's well-being".

NP. Conversely, where is your evidence that moving will be good for their well-being?

What about mom’s well being? Kids will be out of the house in 5 years, doesn’t OP deserve to pursue professional goals? And all the while, she found a wonderful community that has good schools that will provide her kids with many friend choices and opportunities.

I say go for it, OP! Life is short. Seek adventure and opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would like to move for this job, which will double my already good income level. My kids will not want to move and my husband also isn’t in favor of moving for the following reasons:

- uncertainty about how the kids would adjust. In answer to everyone’s questions, my kids do not have mental or health issues that would prevent us from moving. My kids are all pretty independent and, while each has 2-3 good friends, they aren’t social butterflies that constantly want to socialize. These are kids who will opt stay home and read, watch movies, hang out with parents in lieu of socializing with peers. They will often say things like “getting together with a friend 1-2 times per week is enough and I don’t want more than that.” That said, they’re well liked and no problems socially at school.

- one complicating factor is that my husband and I are both from the DC area and my kids are very close with their grandparents and cousins. It would be hard in the future to not have these extended familial relationships, though honestly sometimes for me it is a little too much to constantly have extended family obligations (which we do). However, my kids and husband seem to enjoy it a lot, and we would be giving up the proximity to extended family if we move.

- I know the job and the boss I would have very well. I would be getting this promotion by taking over my current boss’s time and my boss would also move up the ladder, but I would still report to the same boss. So very little chance that I would hate the new job. There is an outside possibility that some “bald swan” event could occur (my boss falling I’ll and dying, or my company being bought), that could result in changes to my work situation, but there is no indication that this is a likelihood.

- my husband has hesitations about moving. He’s lived in the DC area his whole life and loves his friends and family here and the sports teams (not kidding, that’s one of his reasons for not wanting to move). So there is negative pressure there too. So I would be pushing everyone to make this move, which would be an uphill battle.

You’re the only one who wants to move and it’s in pursuit of money. This is an easy answer, and it’s no.

dp I disagree. What if it was the dh ws the only one who wanted to move? I bet the majority of you would say you should move for dh to pursuit his dream. Also does dh not know that you can root for your team anywhere?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I would like to move for this job, which will double my already good income level. My kids will not want to move and my husband also isn’t in favor of moving for the following reasons:

- uncertainty about how the kids would adjust. In answer to everyone’s questions, my kids do not have mental or health issues that would prevent us from moving. My kids are all pretty independent and, while each has 2-3 good friends, they aren’t social butterflies that constantly want to socialize. These are kids who will opt stay home and read, watch movies, hang out with parents in lieu of socializing with peers. They will often say things like “getting together with a friend 1-2 times per week is enough and I don’t want more than that.” That said, they’re well liked and no problems socially at school.

- one complicating factor is that my husband and I are both from the DC area and my kids are very close with their grandparents and cousins. It would be hard in the future to not have these extended familial relationships, though honestly sometimes for me it is a little too much to constantly have extended family obligations (which we do). However, my kids and husband seem to enjoy it a lot, and we would be giving up the proximity to extended family if we move.

- I know the job and the boss I would have very well. I would be getting this promotion by taking over my current boss’s time and my boss would also move up the ladder, but I would still report to the same boss. So very little chance that I would hate the new job. There is an outside possibility that some “bald swan” event could occur (my boss falling I’ll and dying, or my company being bought), that could result in changes to my work situation, but there is no indication that this is a likelihood.

- my husband has hesitations about moving. He’s lived in the DC area his whole life and loves his friends and family here and the sports teams (not kidding, that’s one of his reasons for not wanting to move). So there is negative pressure there too. So I would be pushing everyone to make this move, which would be an uphill battle. [/quote]

You’re the only one who wants to move and it’s in pursuit of money. This is an easy answer, and it’s no. [/quote]

dp I disagree. What if it was the dh ws the only one who wanted to move? I bet the majority of you would say you should move for dh to pursuit his dream. Also does dh not know that you can root for your team anywhere?[/quote]

No, I would not. You don’t speak for me and you are sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your priority? Your children’s well-being or money?

ridiculous framing. no evidence whatsoever that staying where they are will bring about "children's well-being".

NP. Conversely, where is your evidence that moving will be good for their well-being?

What about mom’s well being? Kids will be out of the house in 5 years, doesn’t OP deserve to pursue professional goals? And all the while, she found a wonderful community that has good schools that will provide her kids with many friend choices and opportunities.

I say go for it, OP! Life is short. Seek adventure and opportunity.

The moms well-being is not being asked to do something she doesn’t want to do. As well as, as a whole she is the only one who wants to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your priority? Your children’s well-being or money?

ridiculous framing. no evidence whatsoever that staying where they are will bring about "children's well-being".

NP. Conversely, where is your evidence that moving will be good for their well-being?

What about mom’s well being? Kids will be out of the house in 5 years, doesn’t OP deserve to pursue professional goals? And all the while, she found a wonderful community that has good schools that will provide her kids with many friend choices and opportunities.

I say go for it, OP! Life is short. Seek adventure and opportunity.

Way to only think of one person and not the family. The mom has no issues with her well-being by staying. As you said, the kids are home, as long as they are home, she has an obligation to their feelings. Them leaving in 5 years has no bearing on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would like to move for this job, which will double my already good income level. My kids will not want to move and my husband also isn’t in favor of moving for the following reasons:

- uncertainty about how the kids would adjust. In answer to everyone’s questions, my kids do not have mental or health issues that would prevent us from moving. My kids are all pretty independent and, while each has 2-3 good friends, they aren’t social butterflies that constantly want to socialize. These are kids who will opt stay home and read, watch movies, hang out with parents in lieu of socializing with peers. They will often say things like “getting together with a friend 1-2 times per week is enough and I don’t want more than that.” That said, they’re well liked and no problems socially at school.

- one complicating factor is that my husband and I are both from the DC area and my kids are very close with their grandparents and cousins. It would be hard in the future to not have these extended familial relationships, though honestly sometimes for me it is a little too much to constantly have extended family obligations (which we do). However, my kids and husband seem to enjoy it a lot, and we would be giving up the proximity to extended family if we move.

- I know the job and the boss I would have very well. I would be getting this promotion by taking over my current boss’s time and my boss would also move up the ladder, but I would still report to the same boss. So very little chance that I would hate the new job. There is an outside possibility that some “bald swan” event could occur (my boss falling I’ll and dying, or my company being bought), that could result in changes to my work situation, but there is no indication that this is a likelihood.

- my husband has hesitations about moving. He’s lived in the DC area his whole life and loves his friends and family here and the sports teams (not kidding, that’s one of his reasons for not wanting to move). So there is negative pressure there too. So I would be pushing everyone to make this move, which would be an uphill battle.

You’re the only one who wants to move and it’s in pursuit of money. This is an easy answer, and it’s no.

dp I disagree. What if it was the dh ws the only one who wanted to move? I bet the majority of you would say you should move for dh to pursuit his dream. Also does dh not know that you can root for your team anywhere?

Do you always speak for others?

[Anonymous]

If your family has moved before, I think it’s something you can consider. If they have grown up with friends since kindergarten, it’s going to be hard for them to make new friends when they have never been in that situation. I personally would not move kids that late. However, I also am not that passionate about my career, so I can’t think of a job I would move for, unless I literally didn’t have a job in my current location.

I agree with a PP - if your kid has established hobbies that involve some socializing, it will be easier for them to make new friends. But also, for example, it may be hard for them to come in as a new kid and make the soccer team. Anyway, only you know your kids.

I moved A LOT as a child. I bought a house when my first was 5 and we will be here until all children have competed high school.

[Anonymous]

Chicago mom here! I live in the city but am on DCUM because my SIL in MD recommended. FWIW there is a lot of movement locally in those age ranges, city to suburb mostly, because of issues within Chicago Public Schools and their high school structure. So I doubt moving to a suburb your kids would be the only "new" kids in their school.

Also, and this is only anecdotal from my two brothers who lived in Chicago and then moved to the DC-area, people here are friendly. They found it easier to live in Chicago and meet people than DC and surrounding areas. Would this be the case for you and your family? No clue but if you take the job, buy everyone really warm winter coats and boots and you'll be fine.

I moved here in 1998 and thought I would be here for two years and I'm still here. It's a great place to raise a family and there are flights every hour to DC out of O'Hare.

What suburb?

[Anonymous]

You are the only one who wants to move OP. Don't do it. The extra money you will make isn't enough to overcome the resentment your family will have for you.

Also, I think if it was your family in DC and/or you liked your in-laws more you wouldn't want to move.

[Anonymous]

I’m from a nice Chicago suburb and my family still live there and in downtown Chicago. I visit there frequently with the kids and we have a great time. Even with the higher taxes, housing is cheaper. My job is permanently remote and I’m now single so we COULD do it.

But it’s a pass for me. At least until the kids are in college. They’ve had a hard enough time with all the changes they had to endure with the pandemic and we’re just trying to get back to normal and stability. So no more big changes now. If the kids are in college and I haven’t repartnered, then maybe.

[Anonymous]

With that update, I wouldn't do it. The kids would probably adjust, but DH not wanting to go is a much bigger issue. It sounds like you are the only one who wants to go, and if it isn't a perfect ride, you will catch the blame and the resentment will fester. It's not worth dragging everybody else along reluctantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your priority? Your children’s well-being or money?

ridiculous framing. no evidence whatsoever that staying where they are will bring about "children's well-being".

NP. Conversely, where is your evidence that moving will be good for their well-being?

i don't have any evidence. we simply don't know what would benefit the kids, hence, it's irrelevant.