What do you think is the most ideal family set up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think is the most ideal family set up?

A. Both parents work flexible jobs and share parenting duties roughly 50-50

B. One high earner and one stay at home parent. Stay at home parent can outsource as needed

C. One big career and one flexible job. Have full time help.

D. Two big careers with high quality nanny plus full time housekeeper

Dh and I could be any of these categories. We are currently B. I feel like D gets the most respect.

We are a combo of C and D. DH makes $350 and I make $250. We both have similar growth potential, so would not consider his career to be much bigger. He is WOH with early mornings and I am WFH with evening calls and occasional travel. DH does not have travel or evening calls. We have a FT nanny and pay for a bi-monthly deep clean, but not a housekeeper. We split duties related to household/children/pets evenly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think is the most ideal family set up?

A. Both parents work flexible jobs and share parenting duties roughly 50-50

B. One high earner and one stay at home parent. Stay at home parent can outsource as needed

C. One big career and one flexible job. Have full time help.

D. Two big careers with high quality nanny plus full time housekeeper

Dh and I could be any of these categories. We are currently B. I feel like D gets the most respect.

We are a combo of C and D. DH makes $350 and I make $250. We both have similar growth potential, so would not consider his career to be much bigger. He is WOH with early mornings and I am WFH with evening calls and occasional travel. DH does not have travel or evening calls. We have a FT nanny and pay for a bi-monthly deep clean, but not a housekeeper. We split duties related to household/children/pets evenly.

PP. I like what we have but wish that DH WFH, which was the case during the pandemic. Sometimes I wish I was a SAHM with a FT nanny, but not sure that I would actually enjoy that life. The grass is always greener!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think is the most ideal family set up?

A. Both parents work flexible jobs and share parenting duties roughly 50-50

B. One high earner and one stay at home parent. Stay at home parent can outsource as needed

C. One big career and one flexible job. Have full time help.

D. Two big careers with high quality nanny plus full time housekeeper

Dh and I could be any of these categories. We are currently B. I feel like D gets the most respect.

[Anonymous]

The ideal family situation is the Asian family (I'm not asian.) Both parents work and care for the kid's but the grandparents also live with or nearby and care for the family, too. The nuclear family is a catastrophe.

[Anonymous]

We are somewhere between A and C. We both have quasi-flexible/quasi-career jobs in different ways: I'm a non-sup GS-15 atty who WFH 2 days/week and situationally, has a flexible boss with small kids & an office full of the same, has tons of leave & very little oversight as long as I get my job done which isn't a problem; he's an ER doc w/ a research grant covering more than half his time, so no flexibility when he's on -- but that's only like 2 shifts/week (not even) -- and nearly total flexibility otherwise. Together we make about $400, but he has more salary upside than me. We have an au pair & a housekeeper that comes twice/month.

[Anonymous]

We are currently B and I (the wife) am the big earner. DH has been a SAHD since our kids were born. The plan was always to move to C once the youngest was in school, but the pandemic changed those plans. It was a godsend to have DH at home with the kids during the pandemic because I had so much on my plate with work.

Now that the pandemic is mostly behind us (at least for school purposes) I'm hoping we can move into C as originally planned, maybe with an au pair to help with the kids after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ideal family situation is the Asian family (I'm not asian.) Both parents work and care for the kid's but the grandparents also live with or nearby and care for the family, too. The nuclear family is a catastrophe.

I think you can really only do this for one generation though. The parents who worked while their kids were growing up aren’t going to become the grandparents who provide free childcare for the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

We are A and are very happy with it, but that doesn't mean it would work for everyone or be everyone's ideal. Personally, I wouldn't want my husband to do all the work outside the house and I do all the work inside the house, but I know that works for many people. It's just not for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ideal family situation is the Asian family (I'm not asian.) Both parents work and care for the kid's but the grandparents also live with or nearby and care for the family, too. The nuclear family is a catastrophe.

I think you can really only do this for one generation though. The parents who worked while their kids were growing up aren’t going to become the grandparents who provide free childcare for the grandkids.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:B nobody else should be raising your child more than you

Right - unless "you" is a Big Law partner and his wife is the one who stays at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ideal family situation is the Asian family (I'm not asian.) Both parents work and care for the kid's but the grandparents also live with or nearby and care for the family, too. The nuclear family is a catastrophe.

I think you can really only do this for one generation though. The parents who worked while their kids were growing up aren’t going to become the grandparents who provide free childcare for the grandkids.

I don't see why not. We were a 1 career, 1 flexible consultant family who looks forward to transitioning into extended family mode after feeling we missed that connection (and help) for our own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ideal family situation is the Asian family (I'm not asian.) Both parents work and care for the kid's but the grandparents also live with or nearby and care for the family, too. The nuclear family is a catastrophe.

I think you can really only do this for one generation though. The parents who worked while their kids were growing up aren’t going to become the grandparents who provide free childcare for the grandkids.

Why not?

I don’t know. I just don’t know anyone who did this. Do you?

Maybe a lot of people with big careers are still in the middle of them when their kids are having kids and they don’t necessarily retire in order to provide full time childcare.

[Anonymous]

We have C. I wish we could have A or D. I have more education and big potential but less money and a mommy-track job. DH feels he can complain about parenting although he could be much more involved.

[Anonymous]

B

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ideal family situation is the Asian family (I'm not asian.) Both parents work and care for the kid's but the grandparents also live with or nearby and care for the family, too. The nuclear family is a catastrophe.

I think you can really only do this for one generation though. The parents who worked while their kids were growing up aren’t going to become the grandparents who provide free childcare for the grandkids.

Why not?

I don’t know. I just don’t know anyone who did this. Do you?

Maybe a lot of people with big careers are still in the middle of them when their kids are having kids and they don’t necessarily retire in order to provide full time childcare.

PP. Yes, sort of? My husbands parents (immigrants) both worked, and their parents (who also immigrated) cared for his family. Now my husband’s parents (and my parents) are caring for our young kids. We got lucky the way retirement timelines panned out. As far as the next gen, I’d love to do the same for my grandkids!