Can I divorce my husband over furniture?

[Anonymous]

A practical suggestion that worked for us. Sit down and set a budget that includes savings, trips, furniture everything. Once the budget it set, the money for furniture is set aside for you. (or whatever, in our case for some reason travel was a particular trigger). Once that is set you jointly make decisions on what you want/what is next, but you make the purchase he never sees the cost of any individual component and he does not get to complain. You also then have to stick to the joint budget. For my husband he would get hung up on the cost of, let's say, a hotel in a large city saying that it was "too much." I preferred to manage the budget for the trip overall, and if I could get a cheaper hotel in a smaller city and splurge elsewhere for a more luxurious experience I was happy.
Many years later we both appreciate this approach. I'm grateful for our savings and his role in demanding that and he likes luxury a little more than he knew he would.he really appreciates me encouraging us to spend there.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the two of you don’t see eye to eye on a household budget. I’d resolve that issue first. If there’s money for a international travel, there’s money for higher end furnishings - but probably not both in the same year.

[Anonymous]

The fact that he is being so controlling over this shows that he has the potential to be abusive later on.

Leave now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he is being so controlling over this shows that he has the potential to be abusive later on.

Leave now.

? He rolled his eyes and said “do whatever you want.”

[Anonymous]

My husband is like this. I have to talk him into buying things.

[Anonymous]

Mine is like this too! We bought a new home and I still don't have a dinning table, and some bed in the guest room. He does not like to shop and always acts busy. I can by the stuff on my own but since furniture is so pricey I'm waiting for him. Yes, he thinks everything is expensive..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he is being so controlling over this shows that he has the potential to be abusive later on.

Leave now.

? He rolled his eyes and said “do whatever you want.”

Be real. That’s a passive aggressive attempt at control. Very different from “well I don’t love the idea of buying these but it’s your money too, obviously, and so let’s look over our budget and if we can afford them I’m fine with it.”

[Anonymous]

OP here. Do I have a controlling husband? This is the first time I have heard that about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Do I have a controlling husband? This is the first time I have heard that about him.

I mean. He's basically bullying you into living with cardboard boxes as furniture. On the other hand you've jumped right to furnishing your house with literal trash to wanting to buy very expensive tables. Usually you can meet at some middle ground - which would be a Target, Ikea, or consignment furniture. It seems like you're both being pretty extreme here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have the money, but he is certain that any aesthetic upgrades are pointless and a waste of money. Nevermind the fact that it causes me deep distress to live in a space that isn't furnished like a normal adults apartment should be. Before I even provide him with options, he will exaggerate and say that he does not want me to "spend thousands on a table" and lecture me about being frugal.

Ikea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can divorce for any reason you like.

Early in my marriage (granted, we were mid 20s, not mid 30s) my husband didn't understand my love of jewelry. When we got engaged I gave him my grandmother's diamond to set in a plain engagement ring and got a plain gold wedding band because my husband was pretty poor. Meanwhile, I got him a platinum band that cost 8x as much. When I wanted to spend about as much as his platinum band on a diamond band for our one year anniversary, my husband was weirdly unsupportive. He had a little tantrum and accused me of being materialistic, basically. It turns out he was embarrassed that I would want something like that for a "small" anniversary and felt like people would judge us. Anyway, lots to unpack there. We were young. We figured it out, eventually. I have plenty of baubles now, lol, and an account just for buying more.

When someone who doesn't have good self-awareness decides that a small thing actually means a big thing, it can blow up like what you are describing. The issue isn't really the furniture but whether you can both figure out why you're misaligned here and find a way to meet in the middle. If he's got issues about replacing furniture tied up in ideas of self-worth and personal values then he'll need to unpack those in order to understand your point of view. Meanwhile, model being the kind of spouse you want him to be and try to understand why this upsets him so much.

I don't remember an antique side table thread, but if that was you, maybe you are leaving out some details?

In any event, back to my first sentence . . . of course you can end the relationship. If he doesn't value your opinion or strive to make you happy, then it doesn't sound like the relationship for you. Just make sure you're looking at your part in this dance as well.

It is absolutely hilarious that you are talking about *other* people having a lack of self awareness. Holy cow.

[Anonymous]

You have been putting up with this guy for 5 years but right now furniture is a deal breaker? That's ridiculous. Obviously there are things about him you just love, like what, does he have the crown jewels in his pants?

You two can work it out OP, but I hope you've had fun throwing this at the wall here on DCUM to see what sticks.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have issues with communicating, and you're one of those women who wants their DH to follow some sort of a Hallmark movie script. Your DH is not interested in nice furniture. You can't make him interested. You can gradually furnish the home yourself, instead. But you prefer to pout and act childish. You don't sound like you are mature enough for marriage and communicating effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Do I have a controlling husband? This is the first time I have heard that about him.

Yes he is controlling if he tells you what you can and cannot buy and he decides unilaterally.

Did you say you were 35? Don't have kids until you can both mature and learn to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he is being so controlling over this shows that he has the potential to be abusive later on.

Leave now.

? He rolled his eyes and said “do whatever you want.”

Be real. That’s a passive aggressive attempt at control. Very different from “well I don’t love the idea of buying these but it’s your money too, obviously, and so let’s look over our budget and if we can afford them I’m fine with it.”

+1
Rolling eyes and being PA about finally giving in to you is some BS.