Can I divorce my husband over furniture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you might want to consider that your DH has recently got a hold of some woodworking tools and some fine pieces of pine, and rented a workshop, nearby locally, and has been hard at work building an entirely new set of furniture, as well as making friends with a couple of very talented upholsters to retrofit some favorite older pieces in a way that will bring new color and energy to any room. Has he been stepping out to "run an errand" or "visit a friend" in a way that seems a little off? If so, he may actually be headed to his (and your) workshop to get these pieces completed. Any chance this (or something very much like this) is going on?

Is this the plot of a Hallmark movie?

Am only trying to help OP see the forest in the trees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.

“He’s doing what a husband is supposed to do.”

How old are you? Righty? Did you do a purity ball? Is this Brunch Grandma?

Most people think it’s normal, even in a recession, to pay good money for a high-quality used nightstand. If you think that is inappropriate then fine, but you’re not like most people.

Well, I apologize. I didn't realize that in 2022 a husband has no responsibility for the family finances. Your right he is a jerk for paying all HH expenses. in that case, I guess OP should step herself up and start paying for everything herself and letting her husband keep all "his" money. (yeah, this is sarcasm) Sarcasm aside, you sound kind of bonkers to associate husbands trying to provide for their family as outdated. Are you seriously indicating that women get married to men and not not expect the husband to contribute to the financial security of the family? If he isn't supposed to be doing that then what is he supposed to be doing?

What does that mean? Did OP say he fully covers the mortgage and electric bill etc etc? And she gets to keep all her own money for herself? But then isn't allowed to spend it on what she likes? Brunch Granny I think you've got it twisted....that and a lot of things honestly

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you have really poor taste. Maybe he should be looking to divorce you instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

Do you guys have a budget? What’s in the budget for travel and for furniture? The big problem here is that this is not a good argument. It’s just flinging insults back and forth. You haven’t done the work of hashing out a budget in good faith.

Agree. I'm tired of living like a grad student and trying to slowly upgrade furniture as well, but I don't have the budget for $700 side tables, either. I would be frustrated by an all-or-nothing approach here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha. My dad was like this. My siblings and I slept on mattresses on the floor because my dad thought bed frames were pointless. His second wife did not put up with that. The first thing she did when they got married was buy a regular to replace the card table he was using. My dad didn’t complain.

Just go buy it. That's what I do. My husband didn't spend any money on himself.... rarely still does (second wife). But, before me he didn't have much money. I just go buy it and it shows up at the house. He doesn't complain (we'll he kinda did about our pink comforter but he said get what I want so I did).

In this situation, first thing I'd do is fix up the kids rooms and get a table.

[Anonymous]

I would cut back on the travel until my home was furnished properly. Check out Buy Nothing Groups in your area. Buy a nice tablecloth for the dining table and a nice centerpiece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since we have been married 5 years ago, my husband has refused to let me furnish our apartment. He thinks any suggestions regarding side tables or re-upholstering our told tattered dining room chairs is a waste of money and actively forbids me.

I am SO angry about having to live like a college kid at 35 years old. I want to leave.

Eww. Yes, you should leave.

[Anonymous]

all this talk about "forbidding you" and "not allowed" just seems so creepy and unhealthy. No way I'd stay in such a marriage. OP, your husband clearly does not care to prioritize your reasonable needs and also seems to think that his opinion is the last word. Why have you allowed that dynamic to occur? As several have said, this is absolutely not about furniture. Its about you being in a bad marriage with a controlling person who clearly doesn't care for you. good luck. Good news is, when you split up possessions, it's safe to say your ex can keep the furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would cut back on the travel until my home was furnished properly. Check out Buy Nothing Groups in your area. Buy a nice tablecloth for the dining table and a nice centerpiece.

it's not about the furniture or the money. At least it shouldn't be. It should be about OP not feeling empowered enough to buy a stupid nightstand. OP, you need to tell your husband that this dynamic where he is somehow the "permission giver" no longer works for you. The furniture impasse is a symptom of a much larger program. Put him on notice that you are prepared to end the marriage. He sounds like a real winner.

[Anonymous]

Yes, divorce, put him out of his misery.

[Anonymous]

Divorce, take half the money, and live in a properly furnished apartment.

[Anonymous]

Almost divorced my wife over an argument about the amount of water to put in an ice tray so, yes, you can consider divorce over furniture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha. My dad was like this. My siblings and I slept on mattresses on the floor because my dad thought bed frames were pointless. His second wife did not put up with that. The first thing she did when they got married was buy a regular to replace the card table he was using. My dad didn’t complain.

Okay but I want to add that it’s not all great for my stepmom either. She would like to replace the 40-year old forest green carpet. Nope! It’s functional so no point. She would like to have the popcorn ceilings scraped and painted over, and can’t do it herself because she is disabled. Ha heck no, nothing wrong with popcorn ceilings. Speaking of her being disabled, she would like to spend 5K to convert her bathtub into a walk-in shower because one of her legs was amputated and it’s hard to hop over the side of the bathtub to shower. Nope. My dad lets her hop.

I’m a SAHM and i buy whatever I want. I’m a grown woman. I get to make those choices. If my husband said he wanted me to ask permission to buy an end table from Craigslist I’d tell him he can find a new wife who is okay with that arrangement. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yikes about the safety issue of an amputee hopping into a bathtub! 5K is cheap when you think about what would happen if she fell!!

[Anonymous]

Np. I just bought a $5k dining table, but do also buy furniture from target. You can mix and match. Check HomeGoods also.

[Anonymous]

This sounds familiar. Have you posted about this before? I would leave if I were you. You and he have different ideas about what your lives should look like.