Youngest cousin wants no-kids wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a no kid wedding coming up and the spouse who is the blood relative will go while the other stays back.

We do this for local weddings but won’t spend money on flights/hotel to attend a wedding solo.

Not to hijack, but this is my question. We have younger cousins’ weddings this summer and we’ve decided not to go because the money for travel and hotel and the time off takes away from our nuclear family summer getaways. Are we awful for not sending the blood relative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two kinds of people who get all up in arms about "no kid" weddings.

1. Those who think their own kid is the Christ Child.

2. Those who don't spend enough time with their kids to not feel guilty about ditching them for a fun weekend.

In fairness it would be extremely entertaining to watch him flipping tables at the reception when he finds out that he's seated next to a banker.

At least he could turn the water into wine. It would be a cost saver!

Make sure all your fig trees are bearing fruit tho!!

[Anonymous]

Go and have fun without the kids. I love my kids but I can see how a group of them and bring all the attention to themselves.
If you don't want to go out of spite, that's not a good reason.
If you can't go because you can't find a sitter, that's understandable. Maybe find 1 sitter for multiple kids from other families.

[Anonymous]

I’m certainly in the “don’t go” crowd and that’s just what we did, but we got such a guilt trip from MIL about not going even though she knew we had no one to watch our kids. In some families (like DH’s) and invitation actually IS a summons. Lol. It took me awhile to be build my confidence not to succumb to the pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

It is ridiculous that you would assume that your children would be invited to a wedding. So what I everyone has kids? That doesn't mean that they should be invited.

It also isn't the bride's responsibility to help you find a sitter. Get on care.com and find your own sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those commenting about mid week weddings, there is no weekend availability!

It’s called planning far ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

Go to the wedding or don’t, but this is emotionally unhealthy. Work on it.

Now that is a very strange, and in my mind, quite unhealthy point of view. I agree with OP that all of this is annoying. If you really want to go to this wedding and catch up with everyone, I suggest you arrange for babysitting services for all the children who need it and split the cost.

Nope. What the OP said is unhealthy. Codependency is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed too, OP and I would just decline and send a chintzy gift. Done and done

Imagine announcing to the world like this how tacky you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those commenting about mid week weddings, there is no weekend availability!

It’s called planning far ahead.

It's called the pandemic-many couples getting married THIS year were originally going to get married in 2020 or 2021. My dd who is getting married in a few weeks, we started booking stuff over 18 months ago and this is a casual outdoor wedding.

On topic-I would most likely decline an invite to a no kid wedding I have to travel to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

Go to the wedding or don’t, but this is emotionally unhealthy. Work on it.

Wanting to be with your kids is unhealthy? Oh brother. Actually, it’s called being a good parent. My kids are way better company than just about anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My own dd is having a no kids wedding (aside from her 7yo sister and the ring bearer). It's her and future dh's choice.

I had kids at my wedding, that was MY choice.

I do understand not having anyone to watch the kids-if my cousins had a no kid wedding, I would not have been able to go because anyone who'd watch the kids, would be AT the wedding.

That's weird. If you don't want kids at the reception, why include them in the ceremony?

It's not weird...the flower girl is my 7yo dd (same mom and dad) and the ring bearer is her fiance's nephew. Of course the bride's SISTER, who is a child, will be there!

A wedding doesn't magically become appropriate for kids because of the blood tie between the bride or groom and the kid.

Ring bearers are ridiculous, but it's especially goofy to decide that there is One Chosen Nephew who needs to be there and any other young relatives would ruin things.

Have whatever wedding you like, but apply a little logical consistency.

Oh good grief- if this sort of thing bothers you so much, just decline if you get an invite to a wedding with this arrangement.

My youngest cousin is getting married this summer and is including all the kids but it’s a big outdoor space. Her brother got married last year and it was a smaller, not kid friendly space and it was a no kids wedding. Totally fine! We have a large family and the number of kids grows every year.

I don’t understand the idea that a wedding is inappropriate for kids. Perhaps the reception. But the wedding? Maybe you don’t want kids there but I don’t think it’s a matter of appropriateness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a no kid wedding coming up and the spouse who is the blood relative will go while the other stays back.

We do this for local weddings but won’t spend money on flights/hotel to attend a wedding solo.

Not to hijack, but this is my question. We have younger cousins’ weddings this summer and we’ve decided not to go because the money for travel and hotel and the time off takes away from our nuclear family summer getaways. Are we awful for not sending the blood relative?

DP. Younger cousins? You're fine to send a nice gift, write a really heartfelt card, and not attend. Unless these cousins are very close to the blood relative, have spent a lot of time together during their lives, etc., and/or the blood relative is very close to the aunt/uncle who is the cousin's parent, I think it's fine not to go to a bunch of cousin weddings. Spend that time and money and travel on your nuclear family. Especially as there are travel and hotels involved--if this were in your town or a short drive away, sure, go for it, but that's just not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: My own dd is having a no kids wedding (aside from her 7yo sister and the ring bearer). It's her and future dh's choice.

I had kids at my wedding, that was MY choice.

I do understand not having anyone to watch the kids-if my cousins had a no kid wedding, I would not have been able to go because anyone who'd watch the kids, would be AT the wedding.

That's weird. If you don't want kids at the reception, why include them in the ceremony?

It's not weird...the flower girl is my 7yo dd (same mom and dad) and the ring bearer is her fiance's nephew. Of course the bride's SISTER, who is a child, will be there!

A wedding doesn't magically become appropriate for kids because of the blood tie between the bride or groom and the kid.

Ring bearers are ridiculous, but it's especially goofy to decide that there is One Chosen Nephew who needs to be there and any other young relatives would ruin things.

Have whatever wedding you like, but apply a little logical consistency.

Oh good grief- if this sort of thing bothers you so much, just decline if you get an invite to a wedding with this arrangement.

My youngest cousin is getting married this summer and is including all the kids but it’s a big outdoor space. Her brother got married last year and it was a smaller, not kid friendly space and it was a no kids wedding. Totally fine! We have a large family and the number of kids grows every year.

I don’t understand the idea that a wedding is inappropriate for kids. Perhaps the reception. But the wedding? Maybe you don’t want kids there but I don’t think it’s a matter of appropriateness.

You have it in reverse. Looking back to my wedding and other weddings, the young children blended at the reception. There were some hassles but no major impact on the couple getting married. The bride and groom deserve to hear their ceremony and any music without a chorus of wailing, screaming. Most guests at a wedding remove young children at the first sign of fussiness while others staunchly sit and let them cry.

In families there can be a history of which relatives just sat with screaming children during ceremonies. Or children not remaining seated.

[Anonymous]

You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

[Anonymous]

Listen, it’s your right to decline. In fact, logistics may require that you decline in some cases.

But those of you who are responding “we always decline kid free weddings, bah…..”. What’s wrong with you? Do you enjoy being so spiteful in life? Do you find joy in anything??? (Besides your own children, that is)?