Youngest cousin wants no-kids wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

Go to the wedding or don’t, but this is emotionally unhealthy. Work on it.

Wanting to be with your kids is unhealthy? Oh brother. Actually, it’s called being a good parent. My kids are way better company than just about anyone else.

You are in for a rough ride when your children start to separate from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

I think it matters if most of the guests are locals or not. I’m happy to get a sitter for an in-town no kids wedding. But no, I’m not leaving them behind (with who, I have no one) to schlepp to Wisconsin or wherever just to watch you get married. I’ll send a gift and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

We.must be in the same circle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

The bolded is why people don't want kids at their wedding (I did not have a kid-free wedding, btw).

Why didn't his parents remove him immediately and tend to his cheek? Who TF lets their kid cry for an HOUR at someone's WEDDING? The same people who don't leave the ceremony when their baby starts crying, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Organize a kids party for all the kids at a nearby venue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

The bolded is why people don't want kids at their wedding (I did not have a kid-free wedding, btw).

Why didn't his parents remove him immediately and tend to his cheek? Who TF lets their kid cry for an HOUR at someone's WEDDING? The same people who don't leave the ceremony when their baby starts crying, I suppose.

The kind of people who can't fathom a few hours away from their kids, that's who lets their kids wail and carry on. The same people who think it's adorable when kids take over the dance floor and get in the way of the couple's first dance or father/daughter dance. Because the wedding is just an opportunity for them to dress their kids up and show them off, there is nothing else important taking place that day. These people can't imagine that other's don't like to listening to whining, crying and screaming, and would never think to remove their kids from the situation when they can't behave or inevitably get hurt.

[Anonymous]

skip the wedding! seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:skip the wedding! seriously.

+1 and the gift. this bride probably won't acknowledge it cause she'll be annoyed you didn't come. So don't waste your money.

[Anonymous]

It’s her wedding. It’s also expensive to pay for kids to come. Then don’t go. Why can’t you find a babysitter? Why does she have to do that?
It’s not about you. It’s her day. Make it about her, not yourself.
Do you take your kids everywhere?

[Anonymous]

If you all cared about going, the other cousins could get together to plan a separate child care/party for all of the kids. If they like each other at all, the kids would probably much prefer that to a wedding.

But honestly, it sounds like this is more about finding an excuse not to go to this cousin’s wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s her wedding. It’s also expensive to pay for kids to come. Then don’t go. Why can’t you find a babysitter? Why does she have to do that?
It’s not about you. It’s her day. Make it about her, not yourself.
Do you take your kids everywhere?

DP, but finding out of town babysitters is not an easy feat, and there’s no way I would leave my kids with a sitter we’ve never met in a strange city. In this type of scenario, the bride and groom need to be ok with the fact that out of town guests with young kids may not be able to come and declining is not a personal affront against them, and the out of town guests with kids need to be ok with the fact that the bride and groom aren’t required to plan their wedding around other people’s family situations. The biggest problem in situations like this is that one side or the other gets themselves needlessly bent out of shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s her wedding. It’s also expensive to pay for kids to come. Then don’t go. Why can’t you find a babysitter? Why does she have to do that?
It’s not about you. It’s her day. Make it about her, not yourself.
Do you take your kids everywhere?

DP, but finding out of town babysitters is not an easy feat, and there’s no way I would leave my kids with a sitter we’ve never met in a strange city. In this type of scenario, the bride and groom need to be ok with the fact that out of town guests with young kids may not be able to come and declining is not a personal affront against them, and the out of town guests with kids need to be ok with the fact that the bride and groom aren’t required to plan their wedding around other people’s family situations. The biggest problem in situations like this is that one side or the other gets themselves needlessly bent out of shape.

OP didn't say she had any objection to using a babysitter local to the wedding, she's just pissy that her cousin didn't organize the sitter for them.

[Anonymous]

When the people with kids got married there were a lot fewer kids—the oldest ones got largely kid free weddings by default. She doesn’t have to have a chaotic wedding if she doesn’t want to. It sucks being the youngest and everyone expecting you to just go along with what’s easiest for them—she likely has to put up with that BS as a kid. She shouldn’t have to do it as an adult too.

[Anonymous]

I come from a big family that loves kids and when my generation first started getting married, all the kids were invited. I am one of the oldest cousins, so including my cousins' kids meant like 3 kids from my side of the family. At this point any of my cousins who gets married and wants to include all of the kids in the next generation is looking at inviting 20+ kids (not counting friends' kids, kids on the other side of their family or their fiance's family). So people have started either having kid-free weddings or restricting kid invites to their own nieces and nephews, because that is a lot of kids! It makes total sense to me, and I am in no way insulted when cousins do not invite my kids to their wedding even though I had kids at mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the people with kids got married there were a lot fewer kids—the oldest ones got largely kid free weddings by default. She doesn’t have to have a chaotic wedding if she doesn’t want to. It sucks being the youngest and everyone expecting you to just go along with what’s easiest for them—she likely has to put up with that BS as a kid. She shouldn’t have to do it as an adult too.

As long as she isn't pissy and put out at all the people with kids declining her invitation, this is a perfectly valid sentiment. But she doesn't get to declare "no-kids" and then be mad when the people with kids stay home.