Youngest cousin wants no-kids wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

You can’t spend one evening without your kids?

[Anonymous]

My own dd is having a no kids wedding (aside from her 7yo sister and the ring bearer). It's her and future dh's choice.

I had kids at my wedding, that was MY choice.

I do understand not having anyone to watch the kids-if my cousins had a no kid wedding, I would not have been able to go because anyone who'd watch the kids, would be AT the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I loved having kids at my wedding! They are so stinking cute and usually bring out some funny moments.

Everyone has a right to the wedding they want. If you can't spend a few hours without your kids, this isn't the wedding for you. Just send a gift and stay home.

[Anonymous]

Why should she help you find a sitter? If you are invited to a dinner party, do you expect the host to arrange a sitter? I understand it’s out of town but you don’t have to go. I have kids and didn’t take them to weddings so I could enjoy myself when they were young. I didn’t go to some of it was too hard to arrange care and it was out of town.

[Anonymous]

It could be about space/cost too. It’s expensive to feed all those kids, and if she wants to invite non-family (you know, her friends), she needs the space they take up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should she help you find a sitter? If you are invited to a dinner party, do you expect the host to arrange a sitter? I understand it’s out of town but you don’t have to go. I have kids and didn’t take them to weddings so I could enjoy myself when they were young. I didn’t go to some of it was too hard to arrange care and it was out of town.

And how many kids existed at each wedding of "everyone" in the original post? OP is a cousin NOT a sibling of the bride or groom and OP's children are not children of the bride and/or groom. It's a wedding not a family reunion. There are some family reunion aspects to weddings because people can be forced to invite some relatives. We were forced to have young children of siblings and it was terrible.

Plus a couple should not have to cut friends from a guest list to add kids of cousins.

[Anonymous]

Why would it be her responsibility to provide help with child care? They are your kids. You figure it out. It's her wedding and the day should be about her. That's it. Period.

[Anonymous]

Then don’t go. This is not hard.

[Anonymous]

I think the fact they “everyone” has kids is why she is having a childless wedding. Kids at weddings can cost a lot of unnecessary expense and chaos, especially for someone who doesn’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Not your circus, not your monkey. You don't get a vote OP.

[Anonymous]

Just decline and spend part of the money you save on an extra fun weekend at home

[Anonymous]

As an older cousin myself, your stance is pretty hypocritical.

I had a no kids wedding, but that was only because no one yet in our large families HAD kids. Everyone was either 50+ or 18-30 years old.

I wouldn't mind attending without my kids. I enjoy them a lot, but they are a ton of work. I actually find it's more relaxing without them.

[Anonymous]

Ugh I hate kids at wedding. Taking over the dance floor and their parents being all, oh look how cute this stupid dance is! and people clearing the dance floor for them.

[Anonymous]

Stop being lame, OP. Weddings with kids are the worst - your cousin is wise.

[Anonymous]

A million threads on this and I'm still shocked people get bent out of shape. It's their wedding, they get to do what they want. Some people see it as a chance to get the whole family together, including kids. Some people see it as an adult celebration. Either way is perfectly fine and it's a voluntary event. I understand there are family dynamics and obligations the closer you are to the bride and groom, but when money and travel are involved, all bets are off. If you don't want to attend without your kids, don't. Stay polite, do not snark on their choices to anyone in the family, send a generous gift and genuine expression of congratulations in the card. If anyone asks, you say you wish you could have made it work but you couldn't and you kindly change the subject. Judgement goes both ways, and I don't think anyone has a right to judge a parents' comfort level with leaving their kids at any point in their lives, either.