Youngest cousin wants no-kids wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the people with kids got married there were a lot fewer kids—the oldest ones got largely kid free weddings by default. She doesn’t have to have a chaotic wedding if she doesn’t want to. It sucks being the youngest and everyone expecting you to just go along with what’s easiest for them—she likely has to put up with that BS as a kid. She shouldn’t have to do it as an adult too.

As long as she isn't pissy and put out at all the people with kids declining her invitation, this is a perfectly valid sentiment. But she doesn't get to declare "no-kids" and then be mad when the people with kids stay home.

The only person mad in the OP's fact pattern is OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

I guess this is the rich, fancy circle. Brace yourself for this: my wedding not only included kids, but also had no alcohol. Most of my friends’ wedding also included kids but excluded alcohol. Most also didn’t have a sit-down dinner. Guess what? Everyone still had a great time at these weddings, and the couple was just as married at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

As our society has been secular, people's idea of what a wedding should be has really changed. Back in the day, weddings were considered a church service and anyone from the church or community could attend the wedding. The idea is that they were witnesses to the covenant between the couple and God. So, yeah, kids were included. If you can't afford a large crowd, you serve cake and punch, like lots of the weddings in the 50s and 60s. Because the point of the whole thing was the marital vow, not the show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the people with kids got married there were a lot fewer kids—the oldest ones got largely kid free weddings by default. She doesn’t have to have a chaotic wedding if she doesn’t want to. It sucks being the youngest and everyone expecting you to just go along with what’s easiest for them—she likely has to put up with that BS as a kid. She shouldn’t have to do it as an adult too.

As long as she isn't pissy and put out at all the people with kids declining her invitation, this is a perfectly valid sentiment. But she doesn't get to declare "no-kids" and then be mad when the people with kids stay home.

This. Just as it’s the bride and groom’s prerogative to have the wedding they want, it’s the prerogative of out of town relatives with kids to decline because they don’t have child care options/the cost and time off for the wedding will cut into their nuclear family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

So you had the weddings you wanted to have, which included kids, but she shouldn't because it is inconvenient for you? Stay home and keep that negative energy with you there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all much operate in very different circles than us. I’m in my mid forties, and this summer attended the first “kids invited” wedding I’d had since I was a teenager. Literally, not one of the 50+ weddings we’ve attended in 25 years has invited kids except this one. People in our circles - bride/groom or guests - don’t want kids at weddings. They suck. This includes travel weddings, local, etc. I’ve never heard a guest complain about the policy. Sure, sometimes people aren’t able to attend because they couldn’t set up childcare, or they leave a spouse at home and attend solo/with friends. No one frets or fumes. We have a great time.

The kid wedding this summer was the same as those I attended in my teens - felt like a lame hoedown where the parents preened over the kids, the dancing/partying aspect was dull and shut down by 11, and there was always kid drama (this last wedding a kid fell out his of chair before dinner, sliced open his cheek, was wailing for an hour, half the room was attending to him, including the bride, and the family photos were a mess because of it).

Point of this is that there is a huge swath of society that thinks not just that it’s acceptable to have a kid free wedding, but that it’s highly unusual to have kid weddings. Stop taking it personally.

I guess this is the rich, fancy circle. Brace yourself for this: my wedding not only included kids, but also had no alcohol. Most of my friends’ wedding also included kids but excluded alcohol. Most also didn’t have a sit-down dinner. Guess what? Everyone still had a great time at these weddings, and the couple was just as married at the end.

Which is why pp said not to take it personally that some people don't want that for their wedding. People are different and like different things, I thought Mr Rogers taught us that long ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those commenting about mid week weddings, there is no weekend availability!

Yes there is. My wedding is planned for a Saturday, this year, it is significantly more expensive than a weekday though.

Which might be why the cousin wants no kids.