When did you stop paying for your children to come on family vacations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws bicker, FIL has an anxiety disorder, MIL is out of touch and clueless and I honestly don't understand how she kept 3 children alive for 18 years. Not only are they NOT helpful, they are super duper stressful.

Even if they pay, I don't want to go.

This. NOT a vacation.

Seriously. It might be a worthwhile use of time. But it's not a vacation for me. There's literally no trip with young children that feels like a vacation to me. I don't mind visiting my in-laws because they're good with the kids and take them out to give us a break, they're understanding and up-to-date about special needs, and they ALWAYS follow our rules and are great about generational things like car seats and safe sleep. But if this stuff were a source of conflict or if they wanted us to spend too much of our money or go at a time that doesn't work for our jobs or the kids' school, or do something that we just really dislike or that isn't age-appropriate, or if the sleeping arrangement isn't conducive to actual sleep, then it's not enjoyable at all. It's not about whether I like *them*, it's about whether the plans are feasible. If I'm going to spend our whole vacation budget and all my PTO on something that's really not enjoyable, it isn't a vacation.

So much this. And add in ILs who want to cram into tiny spaces with everyone at locations that require at least one, if not two layovers, with 2 car seats, and a pack n play, no thanks. I would legitimately prefer to take days off and sit in my house. Though at least we are now past the two car seats and pack n play days. But when we still were at that stage and they wanted us to leave the children (all sub 4 at the time) in the living room where the front door opened onto a lake and my FIL would go in and out to smoke all night and not remember to lock the door, that was the end of that nonsense. Last family event they wanted 12 adults and 9 children to stay in 3 bedrooms. We politely declined and got our own Airbnb down the street. My BIL then tried to pawn off his 3 children onto us because we got a 3 bedroom place just for the 4 of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws bicker, FIL has an anxiety disorder, MIL is out of touch and clueless and I honestly don't understand how she kept 3 children alive for 18 years. Not only are they NOT helpful, they are super duper stressful.

Even if they pay, I don't want to go.

This. NOT a vacation.

Seriously. It might be a worthwhile use of time. But it's not a vacation for me. There's literally no trip with young children that feels like a vacation to me. I don't mind visiting my in-laws because they're good with the kids and take them out to give us a break, they're understanding and up-to-date about special needs, and they ALWAYS follow our rules and are great about generational things like car seats and safe sleep. But if this stuff were a source of conflict or if they wanted us to spend too much of our money or go at a time that doesn't work for our jobs or the kids' school, or do something that we just really dislike or that isn't age-appropriate, or if the sleeping arrangement isn't conducive to actual sleep, then it's not enjoyable at all. It's not about whether I like *them*, it's about whether the plans are feasible. If I'm going to spend our whole vacation budget and all my PTO on something that's really not enjoyable, it isn't a vacation.

So much this. And add in ILs who want to cram into tiny spaces with everyone at locations that require at least one, if not two layovers, with 2 car seats, and a pack n play, no thanks. I would legitimately prefer to take days off and sit in my house. Though at least we are now past the two car seats and pack n play days. But when we still were at that stage and they wanted us to leave the children (all sub 4 at the time) in the living room where the front door opened onto a lake and my FIL would go in and out to smoke all night and not remember to lock the door, that was the end of that nonsense. Last family event they wanted 12 adults and 9 children to stay in 3 bedrooms. We politely declined and got our own Airbnb down the street. My BIL then tried to pawn off his 3 children onto us because we got a 3 bedroom place just for the 4 of us.

+1000. I wouldn't stay in that house for a million dollars. It's funny how the "suck it up, it's faaaaaamily" shamers never think the older generation should suck it up and prevent their grandchildren from drowning or secondhand smoke.

[Anonymous]

It’s a family thing, it’s not your dream vacation. All you whinny entitled people, you’re annoying. For everyone one else, your kids will have a blast and will remember time with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a family thing, it’s not your dream vacation. All you whinny entitled people, you’re annoying. For everyone one else, your kids will have a blast and will remember time with family.

It's the older generation that's whiny and annoying and entitled. If they want this so bad they can jolly well pay for it. I'm already giving my time, my energy, and my vacation days. Isn't that enough? You need my money too? All the while treating me like crap and ignoring my kids' safety. PS they don't actually have a blast watching you smoke and stare at Fox News.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a family thing, it’s not your dream vacation. All you whinny entitled people, you’re annoying. For everyone one else, your kids will have a blast and will remember time with family.

If I’m going to spend my hard earned time and money it will indeed be for me and my immediate family’s dream vacation. The whinny entitled people are the older retired generation still expecting to be catered to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a family thing, it’s not your dream vacation. All you whinny entitled people, you’re annoying. For everyone one else, your kids will have a blast and will remember time with family.

If I’m going to spend my hard earned time and money it will indeed be for me and my immediate family’s dream vacation. The whinny entitled people are the older retired generation still expecting to be catered to.

I think they expect us all to be SAHMs and cater to family. (But never mind that their son doesn't earn enough for that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a family thing, it’s not your dream vacation. All you whinny entitled people, you’re annoying. For everyone one else, your kids will have a blast and will remember time with family.

If I’m going to spend my hard earned time and money it will indeed be for me and my immediate family’s dream vacation. The whinny entitled people are the older retired generation still expecting to be catered to.

I think they expect us all to be SAHMs and cater to family. (But never mind that their son doesn't earn enough for that).

I see you’ve met my MIL? Who, ironically? was always the primary, if not only breadwinner in their family. But her son’s lack of vacation time is all my fault. I’ve got plenty of vacation time. The heck if I’m taking the kids by myself to see them though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a family thing, it’s not your dream vacation. All you whinny entitled people, you’re annoying. For everyone one else, your kids will have a blast and will remember time with family.

NOPE. I'm at the point where my vacation time is worth more than money to me. I refuse to blow my precious annual leave on a shit vacation in Ocean City, ESPECIALLY if I have to pay for everything.

We're in a tight spot though because dh and I have 4 kids and make great salaries. His sibling is not married and doesn't have extra money. It's super cheap for her to tag along on crap vacations (and I think they pay for her) but not so cheap for my big family to go. It's also not fair for them to pay for my family when she doesn't have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting.

I am 42 with DH and two kids, 10 and 5.

We cover all expenses of my parents and inlaws when they occasionally vacation with us.

When my kids are self-supporting adults i hope they want to see us enough that they will say yes and even initiate vacations together and pay their way. We would, of course, help pay if they want to go on a vacation together and $ is the only reason they are not able to do so, but I would feel so bad if they do not want to vacation with us unless we pay...

Naive?

Yes, it’s pretty naive to think that your future son or daughter in law is going to want to spend their limited vacation time and money accommodating your preferences.

Well, when you put it like that…

I see it more as “hey let’s go to place x sometime. Would you guys be interested or would you rather go to y or another place? What are some good dates?” Ie I hope that all parties are interested in doing something together once in a while…

[Anonymous]

Neither set of parents pays for any sort of vacation for dh and I. We make nice salaries- 270k HHI. We love to travel. My parents watch our kids for one week a year so dh and I can go on a childless vacation (this alone makes dh want to kiss their feet- it's priceless). We also go on one vacation a year with my parents. My mom and I get together and think of great places to go and we plan it all. Typically international and fun places for all. I have no trouble paying and dh enjoys it too. My parents watch the kids a few nights while we're there so that dh and I can go out and enjoy the nightlife (priceless!!). My parents are too tired to go out past 8pm and our kids are very easy. Last few years have been to South America. I have zero issues paying for my family. We also go on a Disney trip yearly and sometimes my parents join and help immensely, but sometimes it's just us. We pay our own way.

Inlaws want us to go rent an RV and stay in some random state park. I like camping, but I'm just not doing that on weekdays when I have to take annual leave. We go for 2 days. They're offended, but whatever. I'm not taking a week's annual leave and blowing it on some random Maryland park. They also have invited us with like a month's notice to things, even Disney, but we decline. I need more time to plan! I'm a manager and have a lot of work obligations. I need to be part of the planning, but they leave us off (probably because they don't think DH has any opinions and i shouldn't either).

Anyways- inlaws are jealous of the time my parents get with the kids, but we'd go with them too if they planned nice trips. I don't even need them to pay. I just refuse to blow annual leave on shit trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting.

I am 42 with DH and two kids, 10 and 5.

We cover all expenses of my parents and inlaws when they occasionally vacation with us.

When my kids are self-supporting adults i hope they want to see us enough that they will say yes and even initiate vacations together and pay their way. We would, of course, help pay if they want to go on a vacation together and $ is the only reason they are not able to do so, but I would feel so bad if they do not want to vacation with us unless we pay...

Naive?

Yes, it’s pretty naive to think that your future son or daughter in law is going to want to spend their limited vacation time and money accommodating your preferences.

Well, when you put it like that…

I see it more as “hey let’s go to place x sometime. Would you guys be interested or would you rather go to y or another place? What are some good dates?” Ie I hope that all parties are interested in doing something together once in a while…

Most young families have sufficient vacation time/budget for one real vacation a year…maybe two if they’re lucky. It’s already hard enough to coordinate/meet everyone’s desire among the immediate family with those limited constraints. I would definitely be resentful if I was further pressured to incorporate my in-laws preferences into that hard earned vacation time, and would have no problem just saying no to my own parents.

[Anonymous]

Seriously. I spend my annual leave dealing with sick kids and other issues, because DH thinks his job is too special and important to miss. Sorry MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Think about it this way: if your bestie invites you to dinner, tells you the time and place, you don't alter the agreement by demanding to go someplace else on a different day at a different time. Didn't you learn any manners from your parents?

You think about it this way: Your bestie asks if you’d like to meet for dinner. You two generally enjoy each other’s company and say yes. You determine the restaurant, the date and time. You also dictate she pays otherwise you won’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Think about it this way: if your bestie invites you to dinner, tells you the time and place, you don't alter the agreement by demanding to go someplace else on a different day at a different time. Didn't you learn any manners from your parents?

You think about it this way: Your bestie asks if you’d like to meet for dinner. You two generally enjoy each other’s company and say yes. You determine the restaurant, the date and time. You also dictate she pays otherwise you won’t go.

I am very surprised you have a bestie. You seem very unlikable and unlovable tbh.

[Anonymous]

If you are not going to pay for your children to join you on a family vacation you simply need to change the title.