When did you stop paying for your children to come on family vacations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. It isn't a vacation, it's a family obligation that is quite a bit of hassle and work. It's worth it in the end, but I would not my kids and kids-in-law to feel a budget pinch on top of having to use so much vacation time and deal with the hassles of traveling with young children and not getting to have full control of the timing or location. Their contribution of traveling and using their PTO on this rather than other things is a real contribution.

Sorry, but when I treat my kids to a vacation, it IS a vacation. We stay at nice places, everyone married has their own room, I let them choose their own excursions, etc. and married people go on date nights. I don't think so little of myself and my husband to think that our own kids and ILs are miserable spending time with us on vacation. I AM sympathetic to the fact that young people have limited vacation. So yes, I plan nice trips, but I don't think that my kids are doing me a favor by coming.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, but it seems most people posting are saying they pay for their kids or their parents pay for them. Gotta love DCUM! I canNOT relate at all. My family doesn't go on vacation together. We want to see each other so we travel to where one of us lives (free place to stay too!). There were a few times we all travelled somewhere to celebrate a particular event (weddings, graduations), and had hotel rooms or shared a house, but that's about it. One of my siblings has a large family so flying is expensive. They drive or don't see the rest of us as often. I live farther away from everyone else, so its more time and money for me to travel, which is why I don't see everyone as often as I'd like. Pre-Covid my mom flew around staying with all of us from time to time based on her vacation time. She's retired now and has more flexibility, once she feels comfortable flying. We all pay our own way, and that has always seemed natural.

My husband's family is large and has opened my eyes to other ways of family travel. Everyone pays their own way in DH's family when we get together somewhere,
Usually we gather where one sibling lives. Sometimes we've shared rented houses. Sometimes those who want/need more space get a hotel room. But, some of the people DH's siblings have married have parents who pay for their family vacations, or have vacation homes they use regularly. It took me a bit to understand this. Initially I couldn't understand why DH's family insisted on camping when clearly they paid for hotels and resorts when staying with their in-laws. Ha! The inlaws were paying for the hotel rooms and resorts elsewhere. Now that I think about it I am the only IL in DH's family whose own parents haven't paid for a vacation in whole or in part.

I love the concept of paying for my children's vacations, and hope to do that for my own kids some day. Obviously its a huge privilege if your parents can do this for you, but it really opens up so many possibilities!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. It isn't a vacation, it's a family obligation that is quite a bit of hassle and work. It's worth it in the end, but I would not my kids and kids-in-law to feel a budget pinch on top of having to use so much vacation time and deal with the hassles of traveling with young children and not getting to have full control of the timing or location. Their contribution of traveling and using their PTO on this rather than other things is a real contribution.

Sorry, but when I treat my kids to a vacation, it IS a vacation. We stay at nice places, everyone married has their own room, I let them choose their own excursions, etc. and married people go on date nights. I don't think so little of myself and my husband to think that our own kids and ILs are miserable spending time with us on vacation. I AM sympathetic to the fact that young people have limited vacation. So yes, I plan nice trips, but I don't think that my kids are doing me a favor by coming.

Maybe not, but they still probably wouldn’t vacation with you if they had to go Dutch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 31 (married with two kids) 28 (married with 1 kid), 25 (single) 23 (single) and 20 (in college). If we invite them to vacation with us, we pay. But, it’s only happened maybe twice. More typically -

- They all come home for Christmas. Super fun and we pay for everything.

- Someone gets married and we are all together.

- They visit us separately. We live about an hour from Disney.

-We visit them.

- They leave the kids with us and take little trips. This is my favorite option. 🥰

I love this. You sound like amazing grandparents! Hope we are able to do something like this.

For sure! This is kind of what I hope/dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll pay for them as long as I can afford to.

This. If they are willing to vacation with old mom and dad I’ll be thrilled and pay. It is the least we can do. Plus it is important For them to travel solo, with their spouse and own nuclear family. I wouldn’t want a trip with me to eat up their travel budget

This, too. I figure we'll at least invite them for a few years out of college. Over time, hopefully, they'll be doing their own things. But I'd be thrilled to have a young adult child want to travel with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. It isn't a vacation, it's a family obligation that is quite a bit of hassle and work. It's worth it in the end, but I would not my kids and kids-in-law to feel a budget pinch on top of having to use so much vacation time and deal with the hassles of traveling with young children and not getting to have full control of the timing or location. Their contribution of traveling and using their PTO on this rather than other things is a real contribution.

Sorry, but when I treat my kids to a vacation, it IS a vacation. We stay at nice places, everyone married has their own room, I let them choose their own excursions, etc. and married people go on date nights. I don't think so little of myself and my husband to think that our own kids and ILs are miserable spending time with us on vacation. I AM sympathetic to the fact that young people have limited vacation. So yes, I plan nice trips, but I don't think that my kids are doing me a favor by coming.

That's very generous. TBH, my family probably would go more out of our way to travel with my parents if they offered to plan and pay for the trip. As it is, I have to plan the entire trip including lodging, flights, car, excursions, ect and they pay me back. They are retired while I'm very busy, working a full-time job with young kids. It puts a lot of pressure on me and then if they don't pay me back for a few weeks, it causes additional stress. If I don't offer to plan EVERYTHING, they won't come. TBH, we are moving towards not traveling at all with them. They want to pay for a seniors trip and have everything done for them at this point in their lives and that doesn't mesh with young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. It isn't a vacation, it's a family obligation that is quite a bit of hassle and work. It's worth it in the end, but I would not my kids and kids-in-law to feel a budget pinch on top of having to use so much vacation time and deal with the hassles of traveling with young children and not getting to have full control of the timing or location. Their contribution of traveling and using their PTO on this rather than other things is a real contribution.

Sorry, but when I treat my kids to a vacation, it IS a vacation. We stay at nice places, everyone married has their own room, I let them choose their own excursions, etc. and married people go on date nights. I don't think so little of myself and my husband to think that our own kids and ILs are miserable spending time with us on vacation. I AM sympathetic to the fact that young people have limited vacation. So yes, I plan nice trips, but I don't think that my kids are doing me a favor by coming.

Maybe not, but they still probably wouldn’t vacation with you if they had to go Dutch.

DP. I think you need to realize that most people and their families aren't as unstable and dysfunctional as yours apparently is. A lot of families like to be together. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

I'll always pay until I can't afford to. I guess it depends on how big my DC's family gets and if they are vocal about where they want to vacation and for how long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. It isn't a vacation, it's a family obligation that is quite a bit of hassle and work. It's worth it in the end, but I would not my kids and kids-in-law to feel a budget pinch on top of having to use so much vacation time and deal with the hassles of traveling with young children and not getting to have full control of the timing or location. Their contribution of traveling and using their PTO on this rather than other things is a real contribution.

Sorry, but when I treat my kids to a vacation, it IS a vacation. We stay at nice places, everyone married has their own room, I let them choose their own excursions, etc. and married people go on date nights. I don't think so little of myself and my husband to think that our own kids and ILs are miserable spending time with us on vacation. I AM sympathetic to the fact that young people have limited vacation. So yes, I plan nice trips, but I don't think that my kids are doing me a favor by coming.

Maybe not, but they still probably wouldn’t vacation with you if they had to go Dutch.

DP. I think you need to realize that most people and their families aren't as unstable and dysfunctional as yours apparently is. A lot of families like to be together. Get over it.

Np I like my in-laws a lot. I won’t go on vacation with them whether they pay for it or not. They don’t go to nice places. I won’t spend my annual leave on camping or such. I’m thrilled everyone else wants to spend a week there but we’ll just go for the weekend. If they picked nicer places I’d stay longer. If they paid I might stay longer too. But doubt it. My annual leave is more precious than money