When did you stop paying for your children to come on family vacations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting.

I am 42 with DH and two kids, 10 and 5.

We cover all expenses of my parents and inlaws when they occasionally vacation with us.

When my kids are self-supporting adults i hope they want to see us enough that they will say yes and even initiate vacations together and pay their way. We would, of course, help pay if they want to go on a vacation together and $ is the only reason they are not able to do so, but I would feel so bad if they do not want to vacation with us unless we pay...

Naive?

Yes, it’s pretty naive to think that your future son or daughter in law is going to want to spend their limited vacation time and money accommodating your preferences.

Well, when you put it like that…

I see it more as “hey let’s go to place x sometime. Would you guys be interested or would you rather go to y or another place? What are some good dates?” Ie I hope that all parties are interested in doing something together once in a while…

Most young families have sufficient vacation time/budget for one real vacation a year…maybe two if they’re lucky. It’s already hard enough to coordinate/meet everyone’s desire among the immediate family with those limited constraints. I would definitely be resentful if I was further pressured to incorporate my in-laws preferences into that hard earned vacation time, and would have no problem just saying no to my own parents.

No — most young families cannot take a vacation at all. You live in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Ah I see a struck a cord pointing out your idiotic reasoning to be an asshat to your respective families demanding they spend their money paying for a full vacation that you dictate otherwise you won't grace them with your presence. I bet you are behind some of the "My mil/mom doesn't like me and I just have no idea why" posts. Since we are just being honest....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting.

I am 42 with DH and two kids, 10 and 5.

We cover all expenses of my parents and inlaws when they occasionally vacation with us.

When my kids are self-supporting adults i hope they want to see us enough that they will say yes and even initiate vacations together and pay their way. We would, of course, help pay if they want to go on a vacation together and $ is the only reason they are not able to do so, but I would feel so bad if they do not want to vacation with us unless we pay...

Naive?

Yes, it’s pretty naive to think that your future son or daughter in law is going to want to spend their limited vacation time and money accommodating your preferences.

Well, when you put it like that…

I see it more as “hey let’s go to place x sometime. Would you guys be interested or would you rather go to y or another place? What are some good dates?” Ie I hope that all parties are interested in doing something together once in a while…

I rarely see that happening with a husband's parents. Men were typically brought up not getting a say in vacations, their mom and sisters got more say. When the men get married the mom and sisters think they can still dictate, but the husband now wants to defer to his wife. Inlaws never ever ask their DILs if they have any preference. And until they ask me and let me have input, I'm going to say no every time.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford to and you WANT to invite them you pay. Every time. Forever. Otherwise don't expect them to come on vacation with you.

If you can't afford to it's up to everyone to decide if they want to participate in a vacation with their family of origin but your kids are not obligated to any more once they have their own lives.

[Anonymous]

The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

We definitely take nicer vacations with one side (my in-laws) than we do by ourselves, but we vacation with our parents because our kid loves time with her grandparents. It's a nice way to build those family connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

We definitely take nicer vacations with one side (my in-laws) than we do by ourselves, but we vacation with our parents because our kid loves time with her grandparents. It's a nice way to build those family connections.

I mean, that's easy to say when they are paying and its somewhere you want to go. Also sounds like you like them, so there's that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

Not true in my case. My in-laws are MC and their kids are all getting by—not rich, but can’t splurge on nice lodging or even airfare. Except for us—we’re pretty well off and can afford to stay at nicer places/airfare to international destinations. When everyone tries to decide on a place, it’s always to the lowest common denominator. The parents will “generously” pay for the lodging but it’s some janky place in a crappy destination. Meanwhile, everyone is forced to pay for gas to drive out there, use precious PTO, and rotate cooking for each other. It is not a vacation—it’s a favor to the parents who want a fantasy of everyone together in a close-knit family. Bubbling underneath is a lot of resentment, but they turn a blind eye to it and continue with the illusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

We definitely take nicer vacations with one side (my in-laws) than we do by ourselves, but we vacation with our parents because our kid loves time with her grandparents. It's a nice way to build those family connections.

I mean, that's easy to say when they are paying and its somewhere you want to go. Also sounds like you like them, so there's that too.

Well, the PP said it's only people who can't afford to travel otherwise, which we can. It's also only my in-laws who pay. We pay when we vacation with my parents. But yeah, being willing to put aside my own vision of a perfect vacation and choosing to love my family more than I hate staying in a crummy hotel does make it easier. The thing is, anyone can do that. Y'all choose to stew in resentment and then wonder why you're miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

Not true in my case. My in-laws are MC and their kids are all getting by—not rich, but can’t splurge on nice lodging or even airfare. Except for us—we’re pretty well off and can afford to stay at nicer places/airfare to international destinations. When everyone tries to decide on a place, it’s always to the lowest common denominator. The parents will “generously” pay for the lodging but it’s some janky place in a crappy destination. Meanwhile, everyone is forced to pay for gas to drive out there, use precious PTO, and rotate cooking for each other. It is not a vacation—it’s a favor to the parents who want a fantasy of everyone together in a close-knit family. Bubbling underneath is a lot of resentment, but they turn a blind eye to it and continue with the illusion.

You are not forced to do any of this. You choose to. I hereby release you from this obligation! You can just say no and not go. Really. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting.

I am 42 with DH and two kids, 10 and 5.

We cover all expenses of my parents and inlaws when they occasionally vacation with us.

When my kids are self-supporting adults i hope they want to see us enough that they will say yes and even initiate vacations together and pay their way. We would, of course, help pay if they want to go on a vacation together and $ is the only reason they are not able to do so, but I would feel so bad if they do not want to vacation with us unless we pay...

Naive?

Yes, it’s pretty naive to think that your future son or daughter in law is going to want to spend their limited vacation time and money accommodating your preferences.

Well, when you put it like that…

I see it more as “hey let’s go to place x sometime. Would you guys be interested or would you rather go to y or another place? What are some good dates?” Ie I hope that all parties are interested in doing something together once in a while…

I rarely see that happening with a husband's parents. Men were typically brought up not getting a say in vacations, their mom and sisters got more say. When the men get married the mom and sisters think they can still dictate, but the husband now wants to defer to his wife. Inlaws never ever ask their DILs if they have any preference. And until they ask me and let me have input, I'm going to say no every time.

that... is not at all my experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

That's not why we do it. We don't live near either set of parents, and taking a trip with them is a really nice way to spend time together. Otherwise we use all our vacation going to visit them at home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

That's not why we do it. We don't live near either set of parents, and taking a trip with them is a really nice way to spend time together. Otherwise we use all our vacation going to visit them at home!

They key is right there in your post. The people complaining about this don't agree with the bold. But its great that it works for you. But not everyone feels that way.

[Anonymous]

Never. I will always pay for family vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I know vacationing with parents/inlaws are those who couldn't afford to travel otherwise, or at least not at that level or destination.

We definitely take nicer vacations with one side (my in-laws) than we do by ourselves, but we vacation with our parents because our kid loves time with her grandparents. It's a nice way to build those family connections.

I mean, that's easy to say when they are paying and its somewhere you want to go. Also sounds like you like them, so there's that too.

Well, the PP said it's only people who can't afford to travel otherwise, which we can. It's also only my in-laws who pay. We pay when we vacation with my parents. But yeah, being willing to put aside my own vision of a perfect vacation and choosing to love my family more than I hate staying in a crummy hotel does make it easier. The thing is, anyone can do that. Y'all choose to stew in resentment and then wonder why you're miserable.

You have absolulte NO idea what anyone else's inlaws (or parents) are like. So you can GTFOOH with your smug reproach.