When did you stop paying for your children to come on family vacations?
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Anonymous
| Never but we can afford it. My in-laws don’t pay and wonder why we don’t go. They talk about all their friends who treat their kids like it’s so great but don’t see the irony. They have the money. |
Anonymous
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My in-laws used to take the kids to a resort or a guided tour (Costa Rica, Europe, Iceland). The kids started paying their own airfare once out of grad school. Once the kids got married, in-laws switched to renting a very nice beach house or a condo at a nice ski mountain and kids pay for their own transportation there. The in-laws pay for lodging. They would gladly pick up the tab for all food, but the adult children take turns paying for groceries, coffee/smoothie runs, and dinner takeout. Kids pay for their own family’s lift tickets, lessons, activities, and souvenirs.
We don’t really keep track, but the more successful siblings pick up more times or more expensive meals. It’s possible the in-laws help the less successful kids with airfare or other things and we don’t know about it - but it’s none of my business. |
Anonymous
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We try to rent a big house near a beach with my parents once per year. There is always a big argument over who pays. We usually end up alternating years. They still want to pay for it all. We want to treat them.
Annual vacations with them after college only became a thing in the past 5 or so years since they started having health issues, to maximize time with the grandkids. Before that, I’m sure they would have wanted to pay and we would have also tried if we could afford it. |
Anonymous
| ^for my own kids that are now teens- I’ll invite them and pay for as long as I am able, same as my parents do for us. |
Anonymous
More successful vs less successful siblings? Sure does seem like you’re keeping track - of sibling’s wealth and status and who pays for what. Gross. Hope these people aren’t aware of how you categorize them and the assumptions you make. |
Anonymous
| My in laws want to do these huge family reunion vacations. They pick where and when - so they pay. I’m not coming if I have to pay to stay in a crowded house at a location you picked. We are doing them a favor coming to be a part of what they want. We do pay for our travel though and food/activities. We wouldn’t come if we had to pay for all the lodging as well. Same with my parents - if they want us to come, they pay for the rental. We plan to treat our kids the same way. |
Anonymous
| My parents still offer to pay if they are organizing. Mom just rented a fancy beach house for us and my sibling and kids. We can all afford to pay and stay at separate places but she wanted to organize and is picky so we let her. We all got our own plane tickets and cars and will get food etc. For me its not about the $ but about the time and effort to plan and organize. Im not spending time going back and forth and getting her input on vacation plans in addition to my husband. If my parents want us along, they ask for good dates and we tell them and they plan whatever and coordinate. They pubfor some things and we pay for some things. Its worked out in the past and they adore the grandkids and hang out with them a lot on vacations. Kids are still little so its nice. |
Anonymous
| I’m so envious of people who have parents who pay foe vacation and who do so - apparently - with delight. My mom paid once for a Sea Colony condo where she proceeded to lord over us that she paid for the place so everything else was on us. Every single thing including her food, snacks, any expense at all. We would have gladly covered it if she’d made clear her expectation. If you invite me to stay with you and note you’re covering the cost, I’ll definitely cover my own food tab and even some of yours. But don’t ambush me. |
Anonymous
| My in-laws have a beach house that we go to 4-5 times per year so there is that. They usually join us for two days while we are there and when they do, they pay for all meals. They invited us on one other vacation along with my BIL and his family and we declined. Just weren’t interested in location or taking the time off at that time. BIL and family went and SIL told me “never again.” They live farther from beach house than us but do use it once a year. |
Anonymous
Wow. Project much? Your jealousy and insecurities are coming through in crazy loud waves from your post. DP. |
Anonymous
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My parents never did this for their adult children, and I don't have any bad feelings about that.
I paid for basically everything for a one week vacation last year with my adult son and his wife, and it was one of the best vacations I've ever had. I was completely burned out from work and did no bargain shopping for anything related to the trip because I was in such a bad mental place and had no capacity to do anything other than book a package through Costco. I confess at a few points on the trip during meals out I thought it would have been nice for son to offer to pay, and he never did. But I had accepted that I was paying for the week and could afford to do so. Will I ever do it again? I don't know because I might not always have the money to do it. But I don't regret doing it while I could. |
Anonymous
| It depends. Like 96% of posts, the individual circumstances matter. I act in best interest of my family, not by what other families do. |
Anonymous
Costco vacations are actually a pretty good deal. I’m glad you had such a great time with your son and DIL. I plan to have enough money to pay for nice vacations for my kids and their families. I would not ask them to do a group vacation if I couldn’t afford to treat them to a nice vacation. I do hope they would pay for a meal or something just to show their appreciation. My college age kid still comes on vacation with us and we pay. My other kid is getting married and I will pay for her and her husband but it gets tricky trying to find a schedule that works with young people’s careers. |
Anonymous
| My parents paid for me to go on family vacations through grad school. After that I didn't really vacation with them. They were doing their own thing and I was traveling with friends and significant others. Once I was married with kids they offered to take the whole family on vacation together. We typically do something every other year with them. They're not beach house people so its more likely a cruise or resort trip. Most of the time we pay for our own transportation but they cover the rest. |
Anonymous
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We have two kids in college and two in high school.
Our last whole family vacation was when the oldest was a senior in high school. Once they were in college, it's a lot harder to coordinate a time when everyone is available (different school/break schedules, jobs, summer sports, etc.) I'm not necessarily opposed to paying for vacations once they are all out of college and our schedules are more flexible if we can afford it-but by then we're possibly going to have in-laws, grandchildren, etc. The only family vacations we took when I was a kid were usually tagging along on my Dad's business conferences or going out of state for a family wedding/visit--so mostly that was just sleeping bags on an aunt's living room floor, visiting local tourist sites and hanging out. The last one was the summer before my senior year of high school. To be honest I'm pretty jealous of those whose families paid for nice vacations in adulthood. All four of my grandparents died within a few years of each other when my parents were in their mid 60's--and they received two decent inheritances. They retired, bought new cars, renovated their home, and started traveling extensively (4-5 luxury international trips a year, every year. Plus multiple domestic trips every year.) Their siblings (my aunts and uncles) all took their grown children (my cousins) and spouses on a nice vacation (luxury resorts in the Caribbean, cruises, etc.) when they received their inheritances. My mom has told me since I was a young child not to expect an inheritance. She was going to "spend every damn cent!" |